Supernatural: Swap Meat
September 1st 2010 00:07
A teenage warlock named Gary, and his friends decide to delve into dangerous spells to trap Sam and Dean and hand them over to the demons. Sam and Gary end up swapping bodies, and as Gary runs around with Dean believing himself really lucky to be having such an awesome time, Sam tries to contact Dean to let his brother know that the guy next to him is not him. A demon shows up to seal the deal (as in grab Dean and Sam’s meatsuit), but, being a demon, turns out she wasn’t planning on giving the kids any real prize after all. Sam and Dean manage to get Gary and Sam back in the right bodies, and Sam realizes his life isn’t so bad. The whole apple pie kind of life is stressful! Dean isn’t so sure. Maybe they just don’t know what they’re missing.
Donna: So, how long has it been?
Sam: The summer before 6th grade.
Donna: Mm-hmm. I remember.You assigned yourself your own reading list.
Dean: (laughs) That’s right! I forgot about that.
Sam: Your mom happens to be the best babysitter we ever had.
~*~*~
Dean: (watching Sam shake his Health Quake Salad shake) Oh you shake it up, baby.
~*~*~
Dean: You know, poltergeist aside, donna looked pretty good, don't you think?
Sam: Dude, don't tell me you've still got the hots for our babysitter.
Dean: What? No. That's weird.
~*~*~
Sam in Gary’s body: Lady, who are you?
Gary’s Dad: Young man, are you drunk?
Sam in Gary’s body : And who are you?
Gary’s Mom: Gary, are you drunk? Answer your father.
Sam in Gary’s body : My father?
~*~*~
Dean: Hey. you ready?
Gary in Sam’s body: Absolutely. Hey, can I drive? Oh, this is so sweet!
Dean: You want to get the lead out, Andretti? Come on. Reverse. Reverse! ( tires squeal ) it's in reverse.
Gary in Sam’s body: I am really, really sorry.
Dean: Shut up.
~*~*~
Dean’s voicemail: So, this is Dean's other, other cell, so you must know what to do.
Sam in Gary’s body : Dean, I've called every phone we got. Where are you, man? So this is gonna sound crazy, really crazy but -- I think I'm in the wrong body. (laughs nervously) Could use a little help here, I-I think I got asthma. Call me back.
~*~*~
Sam in Gary’s body : Hello, uh, could you please connect me to room 102?
Man: 102? Nah, man, those guys checked out middle of the night.
Sam in Gary’s body : Wait, "guys"? Plural?
Man: Yeah -- one leather jacket, one Sasquatch.
~*~*~
Sam in Gary’s body : Listen, h-have I seemed, uh, moody lately? Withdrawn?
Gary’s Sister: Wow.
Sam in Gary’s body : Any -- any occult fixations?
Gary’s Mom: What?
Sam in Gary’s body : Let me guess -- I'm amazing at Latin.
Gary’s Mom: You have an ear for languages.
Sam in Gary’s body : Hmm.
~*~*~
Sam in Gary’s body : (on phone) Dean! Someone has stolen my body! The guy right next to you is not me! Check your friggin' voicemail.
~*~*~
Nora: Are you okay?
Sam in Gary’s body : Yeah I'm Gary... Gary is okay.
Trevor: So we're referring to ourselves in the third person now?
~*~*~
Waitress : Here you go guys
Dean: do me a favor, sweetheart. Could you bring me a cheeseburger with extra bacon? And fry an egg on top of it, would you?
Waitress: Absolutely.
Gary in Sam’s body: Ooh, that -- that sounds good. ditto.
Waitress: Be right back with your order.
Dean: Okay, who are you and what have you done with Sam?
Gary in Sam’s body: W-what do you mean?
Dean: Bacon cheeseburgers now?
Gary in Sam’s body: I don't know. I eat them, don't I? Anyways, we are celebrating.
Dean: Yeah, I guess. Another one bites the dust. Nice work today.
Gary in Sam’s body: You too. I had a, uh, really awesome day, man. Seriously. (sighs) Whoo! Sweet.
Dean: A really awesome day?
Gary in Sam’s body: Yeah. why not?
Dean: It was a random, d-list ghost hunt. Tha-that's awesome to you?
Gary in Sam’s body: I can't be in a good mood?
Dean: Yeah, I guess…No, actually. It's not really your style, Sam.
Gary in Sam’s body: Well, then, it's a new me. I mean, come on. Why shouldn't I be happy? I've got a gun, I'm getting drunk, and I look like this. (Sighs ) I don't know. You ever feel like your whole future is being decided for you?
Dean: (stares at him) Uh, yeah, Sam, I feel like that a lot.
Gary in Sam’s body: No matter how much you fight it, you can't stop the plan. The stupid, stupid plan.
~*~*~
Dean: Wow, you know, is it just me, or are we actually drinking together?
Gary in Sam’s body: We don't do it that often, huh?
Dean: (scoffs) Yeah, you could say that.
Gary in Sam’s body: Well, we should. You're a good guy, dean.
Dean: Man, you are drunk.
~*~*~
Sam in Gary’s body: What the hell is going on here? How do you know who dean is?
Trevor: Everybody knows dean. He’s Hell’s most wanted.
Gary in Sam’s body: Oh, no. No, have you idiots been talking to demons?
Trevor: Oh, right. We're the idiots.
Gary in Sam’s body: You're just kids. You have no idea what you're messing with.
~*~*~
Dean: You're not Sam. Who the hell are you?
~*~*~
Nora/Demon: Sam? Is that you in there? (laughs) Well, aren't you just 98 pounds of nothing.
Sam in Gary’s body: The kid is a moron. He doesn't have any idea where Dean is.
Nora/Demon: (laughs) So, if Sam’s in this body, who's in Sam’s?
Trevor: A dangerous warlock…Named Gary.
Nora/Demon: You mean to tell me you've got Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester's meat suit? An empty vessel just waiting to be filled, and you're handing them both over to me?
Trevor: Uh, y-yeah. I guess.
~*~*~
Dean: So, we good?
Sam: Yeah. we're good. Oh, man, it's nice to be back.
Gary: (grimly) Yeah. awesome.
Dean: So… (clears throat)
Gary: I know -- my bad.
Dean: "My bad"? Kid, "my bad" ain't gonna cut it. See, if you were of voting age...You'd be dead. Because we would kill you. So either you straighten up and fly right or we will kill you. Are we clear?
Gary: Crystal.
Dean: Good.
~*~*~
Sam: Gary, look. Take it from someone who knows -- chin up, man. Your life ain't that bad.
Gary: Uh, you met my parents. Yeah, so what?
Sam: It's your life. You don't like their plan for you, tell them to cram it. Rebel a little bit. In a healthy, non-satanic way, of course.
~*~*~
Sam: I'm telling you, kid -- I wish I had your life.
Gary: You do? Thanks.
Sam: Get out of here.
(Gary leaves)
Dean: That was a nice thing to say.
Sam: I totally lied. That kid's life sucked ass. (gets in Impala) All that apple-pie, family crap? It's stressful. Trust me -- we didn't miss a damn thing.
Dean: Or we don't know what we're missing.
(he starts the car, “Rock 'n' roll never forgets" blasts)
Sam: Hey, come on, man. Turn it down.
Dean: (turns down volume) Welcome back, Kotter.
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