Supernatural: It’s A Terrible Life
April 22nd 2009 22:42
Sam and Dean wake up as Dean Smith and Sam Wesson, two guys who happen to work in the same office building, but have never met before. Sam, a computer tech guy who works in a monotonous tiny cubical, and Dean a director of sales who wears suspenders, prefers NPR over classic rock and is on a no carb diet. When a fellow coworker sticks his head in the microwave, killing himself two weeks before he was supposed to retire, Sam starts to get a strange feeling that something is very wrong. He leaves his tech support cubby to go talk to the new office man in charge, Dean Wesson. At first, Dean thinks he’s crazy, but when another employee who was Sam’s friend kills himself right in front of Dean, the boys hop on the net and get advice from a great website they find, something called Ghostfacers?
After searching the building for any sort of remains, they find and destroy a glove that belonged to the man now haunting the building. Sam and Dean admit that, despite the blood and danger and being thrown around, that was pretty much the most fun they’ve ever had. Sam asks Dean if he ever thought that maybe this wasn’t what he was supposed to be doing in life, that being stuck in an office all day was just wrong somehow? He tells Dean that he’s been having dreams where Dean was his brother and they did stuff like this all the time. Although he did have fun, Dean doesn’t believe Sam and goes back to his office.
Sam can’t take the tech support anymore, and busts apart his phone. He quits. Many floors up, Dean’s boss comes in to check on him, let him know that if he keeps up the good work he might even become head of the corporation one of these days. To make sure he’s happy there and that he’ll stay with a company, the man offers him a huge bonus. Dean looks at it, surprised, thinks about it a moment, then decides that this isn’t him. Despite the money and the great office and his healthy diet, he gives his notice.
Suddenly, his boss chuckles, “Dean, Dean Dean.” He stands up and taps Dean’s forehead. Suddenly, Dean snaps out of it, wondering why on earth he’s dressed like this (see picture above).
And realizes that he’s starving! The happy shiny glow on life disappears, and his “boss” reveals that he’s actually Casiel’s superior angel, Zachariah. He tells Dean that after the unfortunate incident with Uriel, he need to come down for a visit himself.
When Dean asks if he was hallucinating all of this, Zachariah tells him that it was all real, but that he just put them there without his memories. The point? To prove to Dean that the path he’s on is in his blood. “You’re a hunter,” Zachariah tells him. “Not because your dad made you, not because God called you back from Hell, but because it is what you are. And you love it, you’ll find your way to it in the dark every single time, and you’re miserable without it. Dean, let’s be real here, you’re good at this. You will be successful, you will stop it.” Dean’s not convinced, but Zachariah reminds him that “you get to change things, save people, maybe the world. All the while you drive a classic car and fornicate with women.” Dean shrugs, he’ll give him that much.
“This isn’t a curse,” Zachariah tells him. “It’s a gift.” He tells Dean to quit whining about it. He nods to the office. “Look around. There are plenty of fates worse than yours. So you with me? You want to go steam yourself another latte?” Dean rolls his eyes. No, definitely not.
“Or are you ready to stand up?” Zachariah continues. “And be who you really are?”
(in elevator)
SAM: Do I know you?
DEAN: I don’t think so.
SAM: …I’m sorry man, you just look really familiar.
DEAN: Save if for the health club, pal.
~*~*~
SAM: I dreamt that I saved a grim reaper named Tessa from demons.
IAN: Ahahaha, classic! How much D&
did you play when you were a kid? Oh my—Okay, so you Sam (laughing) Rescuing the Grim Reaper, you’re a hero! I mean, thank God we’ve got Harry Potter here to save us all from the Apocalypse!SAM: Dick.
IAN: Wizard!
~*~*~
(in elevator)
SAM: Can I ask you a question?
DEAN: Look man, I told you I’m not into the uh—
SAM: Oh dude, come on, I’m not either, I just want to ask you one question.
DEAN: Sure.
SAM: …What do you think about ghosts?
DEAN: Ghosts?
SAM: Do you believe in them?
DEAN: Uh…to tell you the truth, I’ve never given it much thought.
SAM: Vampires.
DEAN: What? Why?
SAM: Cuz I’ve been having some…weird dreams lately, you know what I mean?
DEAN: No, not really.
SAM: So you’ve never had any…weird dreams?
DEAN: Alright, look man, uh, I don’t know you, okay? But I’m gonna do a public service, and (presses elevator button) let you know that you over-share. (gets out of elevator)
~*~*~
SAM: (on phone) Did you turn it off then on? Alright, well let’s try that…No, no, it’s fine I’ll wait…Is it printing now? Ah, that’s great. Anytime.
~*~*~
DEAN: (watching Paul’s body being taken out by the coroner) Does something about this seem not right to you?
CO-WORKER: Uh, yeah. Yeah, the whole thing. I’m tellin’ you man, I’ll never eat popcorn again.
~*~*~
[b]SAM: (picks up phone) Tech support, this is Sam.
DEAN: I need to see you in my office, now!
~*~*~
SAM: What if these suicides aren’t suicides? What if there’s something…not natural?
DEAN: So what, ghosts are real? And they’re responsible for all the dead bodies around here, is that what you’re telling me?
(they sit)
SAM: I know it sounds crazy, but yes, that’s what I’m telling you.
DEAN: Uh-huh, based on what?
SAM: (long pause) Instinct?
DEAN: …I’ve got the same instinct.
SAM: Seriously? You know those dreams I was telling you about? I was dreaming about ghosts.
DEAN: Yeah?
SAM: And then it turns out that there’s a REAL ghost.
DEAN: So are you telling me that your dreams are special visions and you’re some kind of psychic?
SAM: No, I mean--(laughs) That would be nuts!
~*~*~
DEAN: You broke into their e-mail accounts?
SAM: I…used some skills that I happen to have to satisfy my curiosity.
DEAN: Nice.
~*~*~
DEAN: Should we go check this out?
SAM: Like, right now?
DEAN: No, no it’s gettin’ late, you’re right.
(they both sit in silence for a while, glancing back and forth at each other)
SAM: I am dying to check this out.
DEAN: Right!
~*~*~
(Sam kicks the door down)
DEAN: Whoa.
(Although surprised himself, Sam shrugs. They walk in, get attacked by the ghost, and as he’s going for Sam, Dean swings a wrench at him. The ghost disappears, they help the coworker who got trapped under the shelf by the ghost.)
SAM: How’d you know to do that?
DEAN: I have no idea.
~*~*~
DEAN: Holy crap, dude.
SAM: Yeah. I could use a beer.
DEAN: Ah sorry man, I’m on the cleanse, I got rid of all the carbs in the house.
SAM: Hey, how the hell’d you know that ghosts are scared of wrenches?
DEAN: Crazy right? And nice job kickin’ in that door too, it was very Jet Lee. What are you, like a blackbelt or something?
SAM: No. I have no clue how I did that! It’s like we’ve done this before.
DEAN: What do you mean “before”? Like Shirley Maclaine before?
SAM: (laughs) No, I just can’t shake this feeling like I-like I don’t belong here, you know what I mean? Like I should do something more than sit in a cubicle.
DEAN: I think most people who work in a cubicle feel that same way.
SAM: No, well, look, it’s more than that. I don’t like my job, I don’t like this town, I don’t like my clothes. I don’t like my own last name! I don’t know how else to explain it except that it feels like I should be doing something else. It’s just—somethin’ in my blood. Like I was destined for something different. What about you? Have you felt that way?
DEAN: I don’t believe in destiny. I do believe in dealing with what’s right in front of us though.
SAM: (sighs) Alright, so what do we do now?
DEAN: We do what I do best, Sammy: Research.
SAM: Okay. Did you just call me “Sammy?”
DEAN: Did I?
SAM: I think you did. (thinks) Yeah. (makes a face) Don’t.
DEAN: Sorry.
~*~*~
(Sam and Dean are researching on computers)
DEAN: Oh jackpot!
SAM: Whatcha got?
DEAN: I just found the best site ever. Real actual ghost hunters. This guy’s a genius, check it out.
(Sam walks over to watch the Ghostfacers instructional video)
~*~*~
(Instructional video)
ED: We know why you’re watching.
HARRY: You’ve got a problem.
ED: A ghost problem.
HARRY: A ghost-related problem. A ghost—it’s like a ghost-adjecent (Ed gives him a look)—right, it’s like problem that’s—and a ghost—
ED: Whatever. (turns back to the camera) You’ve come to the right place. The only decent place really because The Ghostfacers know how to solve it.
HARRY: Period.
ED: Watch and Learn.
HARRY: See, the first step in any Supernatural fight?
BOTH: Figure out what you’re up against!
~*~*~
SAM: (reading about PT Sandover) Used to say “he was the company and his very blood pumped through the building”.
~*~*~
DEAN: Okay, so PT Sandover, protector of the company, his ghost wakes up and becomes active during times of great economic stress.
SAM: Well, and the worst time we’ve seen since the Great Depression—
DEAN: --Is now. Yeah now sucks. My portfolio is in the sewer, I don’t even want to talk about it.
~*~*~
(instructional video)
ED: Salt.
HARRY: It’s like acid to ghosts. Burny acid.
ED: Not LSD.
HARRY: No. It’s a bad trip for ghosts.
ED: Next up?
BOTH: Iron.
SAM: (to Dean) That’s why the wrench worked.
ED: Pure power in your hand.
HARRY: Dissipates ghosts instantly (tire screeching effect as he swings iron fire poker)
ED: An excellent trick we learned from those useless douchebags.
HARRY: That we hate.
ED: The Winchesters.
HARRY: (holds up shotgun) Gun.
ED: Shotgun shell. Pack it up with fresh rocksalt.
HARRY: Very effective.
ED: VERY effective.
HARRY: Winchesters still suck ass though.
ED: Affirmative. Suckage, major.
~*~*~
DEAN: Where do we even get a gun?
SAM: Gun store?
DEAN: Isn’t there like some kind of waiting period or something?
SAM: I think so.
DEAN: Then how in the hell?
SAM: I don’t know man, it seems pretty impossible, honestly.
DEAN: Right.
~*~*~
(instructional video)
ED: The aforementioned, super-annoying Winchester douchesnozzles also taught us another thing. (Harry holds up a lighter) You have to burn the remains.
HARRY: Kay, this next part gets a little gross, sometimes you might have to…dig up the body.
(Dean looks grossed out)
HARRY: Sorry.
ED: It’s illegal in some states.
HARRY: All states.
HARRY: Possibly all states.
~*~*~
HARRY: Fight well, young lions.
ED: God speed.
~*~*~
SAM: How the hell are we gonna find some ancient speck of DNA in a skyscraper?
DEAN: Well the creepy storage room used to be Sandover’s office, right?
~*~*~
(stuck in the elevator)
SECURITY GUARD: (opening door) Well, come on.
SAM: What?
SECURITY GUARD: Last time this happened, it took ‘em two hours to get here.
SAM: Let’s just wait.
(guard climbs out, turns back to Sam)
SAM: Seriously, I’ll wait.
SECURITY GUARD: Look, I don’t have the rest of my life—(BAM! Doors slam on him, spraying Sam with blood)
DEAN: (on phone) Hey, you okay?
(Shocked and covered in blood, Sam tries to catch his breath)
SAM: (still in shock) Call you back.
~*~*~
SAM: (walking through darkened office, on phone) Dean, you there?
DEAN: Yeah I think I got it. Meet me on 22.
SAM: Okay, yeah, just uh—take the stairs.
(Sam joins him on 22)
DEAN: Whoa, that’s a lot of blood.
SAM: Yeah I know.
DEAN: Right.
~*~*~
(after they burn the glove and beat the ghost)
SAM: That was amazing!
DEAN: Right? (grins) Right!
~*~*~
DEAN: I gotta tell you, I’ve never had so much fun in my life.
SAM: Me neither.
DEAN: It was a hell of a workout too, wasn’t it?
SAM: We should keep doin’ this.
DEAN: (laughs) I know.
(pulls out stuff from a first aid kit, starts handing them to Sam)
SAM: I mean it. There gotta be other ghosts out there, I mean we could help a lot of people.
DEAN: Ha yeah, we could be like the Ghostfacesrs.
SAM: No, really. I mean for real.
DEAN: (laughs) What? Quit our jobs and hit the road?
SAM: Exactly.
DEAN: How would we live?
SAM: Uh…
DEAN: You’ve got to be kidding me, I mean how would we get by, stolen credit cards, huh? Eatin’ diner food drenched in saturated fats? Sharin’ a crap motel room every night?
SAM: That’s all just details.
DEAN: Details are everything! You don’t want to go fightin’ ghosts without any health insurance!
SAM: Alright, uh, confession.
DEAN: What?
SAM: You remember those dreams I told you about with the ghosts?
DEAN: Yeah?
SAM: I was fighting them.
DEAN: Okay…?
SAM: With you. We were these, like…hunters, and we were friends—more like brothers really…I mean, what if that’s who we really are? I mean, you saw us back there working together, the ghost was scrambling people’s brains, what if it scrambled ours?
DEAN: That’s insane.
(gets up)
SAM: Think about it for just one second. What if we think this is our lives, but it’s not?
DEAN: (sits) Sam the ghost is dead and we’re still standing. I mean I’m sorry, but—
SAM: (getting angry, stand up) All I know, is this isn’t who we’re supposed to BE!
DEAN: No, I’m Dean Smith, okay? Director of sales and marketing. I went to Stanford, my father’s name is Bob, my mother’s name is Ellen, and my sister’s name is Joe.
SAM: When’s the last time you talked to them? Any of them?
DEAN: You’re upset. (gets up) You’re upset, you’re confused—
SAM: Yeah, cuz I only moved here because I just broke up with my fiancé, Madison, but I called her number and I got a damn animal hospital!
DEAN: So what are you saying? Are you trying to say that my family isn’t real? Huh? That we’ve been injected with fake memories? Come on!
SAM: All I know is, I got this feeling, in my gut. And I knoq-- I know, that deep down you gotta be feeling it too. We are supposed to be something else. You’re not just some corporate douchebag, this isn’t you. (Dean looks at him) I know you.
DEAN: Know me? You don’t know me, pal. You should go.
~*~*~
SAM: (fiercely attacks the ringing telephone, looks up) I quit.
~*~*~
DEAN: (looking at the bonus offer) Uh, well, thank you, thank you, Sir. That’s uh…but, I am giving my notice.
ZACHARIAH: Is this a joke? You’re kidding me, right?
DEAN: No, I—I recently, very recently, realized that I have some other work I have to do, it’s uh…very important to me.
ZACHARIAH: Other work, another company?
DEAN: No, it’s—it’s hard to explain, uh…it’s just that (gestures to office) this, (points to clothes) this…it’s not who I’m supposed to be.
(Zachariah grins)
DEAN: What?
ZACHARIAH: Dean, Dean, Dean. Finally.
(he gets up and touches Dean’s forehead, Dean snaps out of it)
DEAN: What the hell? Why am I wearing the tie—My God am I hungry!
ZACHARIAH: Welcome back.
DEAN: Wait. (gets up) Did I just get touched by an—are you? You’re an angel, aren’t You?
ZACHARIAH: I’m Zachariah.
DEAN: Oh great, that’s all I need is another one of you guys.
ZACHARIAH: I’m hardly another one Dean, I’m Castiel’s superior. Believe me, I had no interest in popping down here into one of these smelling thing, but after the unfortunate…situation with Uriel, I felt it necessary to pay a visit. Get my ducks in a row.
DEAN: I am not one of your ducks!
ZACHARIAH: Starting with your attitude.
DEAN: So what, this was all some sort of lesson, is that what you’re tellin’ me? Wow, very creative.
ZACHARIAH: You should see my decoupage.
DEAN: Gross, no thank you.
~*~*~
ZACHARIAH: You’re a hunter. Not because your dad made you, not because God called you back from Hell, but because it is what you are. And you love it, you’ll find your way to it in the dark every single time, and you’re miserable without it. Dean, let’s be real here, you’re good at this. You will be successful, you will stop it.
DEAN: Stop what? The Apocalypse, huh? Lucifer? What? Be specific, man!
ZACHARIAH: You’ll do everything you’re destined to do. All of it. (at Dean’s look) But I know, I know, you’re not strong enough, you’re scared, you got daddy issues, you can’t do it.
DEAN: Angel or not, I will stab you in the face.
ZACHARIAH: (smiles) All I’m saying is it’s how you look at it. Most folks live and die without moving so much as the dirt it takes to bury them, but you you get to change things, save people, maybe the world. All the while you drive a classic car and fornicate with women.
(Dean shrugs, he’ll give him that much.)
ZACHARIAH: This isn’t a curse, it’s a gift.
~*~*~
ZACHARIAH: Quit whining about it. Look around. There are plenty of fates worse than yours…So you with me? You want to go steam yourself another latte? Or are you ready to stand up? And be who you really are?
THOUGHTS
Smith and Wesson? Ahaha, love it! And when poor Paul lost all his computer work? Oh how I know that feeling all too well. Thankfully I’ve managed to keep myself from sticking my head in the microwave because of it though.
So many great lines, but I loved:
SAM: Well, and the worst time we’ve seen since the Great Depression—
DEAN: --Is now. Yeah now sucks.
So true! Hilarious idea to have Sam and Dean getting help from the Ghostfacers instructional videos.
This is definitely one show that is consistently awesome. Great job Supernatural! Also, if you have your own ghost-related problem, head on over to the official Ghostfacers website to watch the same instructional videos that Sam and Dean did. God speed. | 54 |
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But wow... That Ghostfacers cameo made my entire week.
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