Supernatural: Hammer of the Gods
October 23rd 2010 00:43
In the middle of a hurricane-like storm, Sam and Dean come across a 4-star hotel (complete with all you can eat buffet) in the middle of a no-star highway, thinking, wow, what luck! Finally a night off! Not quite. When the newlyweds staying in the room next to them suddenly disappear, leaving a wedding ring behind, the boys get suspicious. Upon checking out the hotel a little closer, they find that the guests are food for the gods who have gathered together to trap Sam and Dean in an effort to use them as bargaining chips to stop The Apocalypse. Before they can attempt to escape (along with the poor people trapped in the freezer), Sam and Dean are bought into the banquet room where Kali, Baldur, Ganesh, Odin, Zao Shen, Mercury, and Bron Samedi are all waiting.
The gods argue amongst themselves about what they should do with Lucifer and Michael’s vessels, and suddenly Gabriel (a.k.a. The Trickster, a.k.a. Loki) shows up. In his usual flippant way, he snaps Sam and Dean out of the room to relative safety for the moment, where he shows up a second later. Dean’s not surprised to find him behind this all, but Gabriel tells him that he’s there to save them. Sure the Apocalypse Michael-Lucifer showdown is going to happen, but not here, not tonight. When they ask him why he suddenly cares, Gabriel admits that he and Kali had a thing… “Chick was all hands,” he quips, then tells them that Lucifer is going to slaughter all of the gods if they try to fight. He doesn’t want that to happen anymore than they do, and tells Sam and Dean that Kali has them bound by blood. Mercury, posing as the hotel guest clerk, nicked them with his super-fast speed and they didn’t even know it. They get their blood back, they can leave.
Showing up in Kali’s room, Gabriel puts on the charm, trying to sneak Sam and Dean’s blood out, but Kali sees through his ruse and snatches some of his blood as well. Now all three of them are bound to her. Back in the banquet room, Kali tells the rest of the gods that The Trickster is really the Archangel, Gabriel. How long has she known? Long enough. Leaning in to run her hand along his cheek, Kali snatches Gabriel’s sword and stabs him. Everyone looks at her in shock. Does she have any idea what she’s just done? She announces that they (as in angels) can be killed.
Dean makes a deal with the gods to help them get Lucifer here, but first they have to let the human prisoners go. Eventually the deal is made, and as Dean’s helping the people escape, he finds Gabriel hiding out in the back of the Impala. “Don’t look at me!” Gabriel hisses, and Dean climbs in to talk to him. He thought he was dead! Gabriel tells Dean that he’s not crazy enough to give Kali his real sword, and that now Dean just needs to grab their blood back so they can all get out of there. When Dean refuses and asks him to come in and help them fight Lucifer, Gabriel is suddenly serious. He can’t kill his brother. “Can’t?” Dean asks. “Or won’t?” Gabriel doesn’t answer. “I thought so.” Dean leaves.
Back in the banquet room, Dean tells everyone that Gabriel is alive, and Lucifer shows up at the hotel. He stops at the desk long enough to kill Mercury with an idle flick of his wrist, then heads down the long hall, slaughtering the other gods like it’s an afterthought. He makes it to the banquet room, saying hi to Sam and Dean, then kills Baldur, who tries to stand up to him. Only Kali is left. Furious, she summons fire, letting it flow along her arms before flinging it at Lucifer, who flames up then just as easily goes back to normal, untouched. Sam and Dean dive for cover, only to find Gabriel suddenly there. Lucifer is about to take out Kali, but Gabriel steps between them, helping Kali up and telling Sam and Dean to get her out of there. He shoves a DVD at them and goes to help Kali. They rush out.
Gabriel finally stands up to his brother, sword in hand. Neither of them seem that anxious to kill the other—they are brothers after all. “Look at yourself,” Gabriel tells Lucifer. “Boo hoo, Daddy was mean to me, so I'm gonna smash up all his toys.”
“Watch your tone,” Lucifer warns, but Gabriel’s had enough. “Play the victim all you want,” he tells his brother, “but you and me, we know the truth. Dad loved you best, more than Michael, more than me. Then he brought the new baby home and you couldn't handle it. So all of this is just a great big temper tantrum. Time to grow up.”
Lucifer thinks Gabriel’s on Michael’s side, but Gabriel tells him that if Michael was standing there, he’d kill him too. He’s not on either of their sides, he’s on “their side”. Who? The humans. Lucifer is horrified that his brother would stand up for those “cockroaches”, but Gabriel argues that “Dad was right”, that they “are better than us.” Sure humans mess up, “but a lot of them try”. To forgive. As he’s speaking to Lucifer, the real Gabriel appears behind him. Sadly, Lucifer is not tricked. He swings around and stabs his brother with his own sword, telling him that he should have known better as he learned all his tricks from him. Lucifer steps back. Gabriel is dead.
Sam and Dean pull over to watch the DVD Gabriel gave them: Casa Erotica 13. Confused at first, Gabriel turns to the camera and tells them that if they’re watching this then he’s dead but that they shouldn’t cy for him. “Without me,” he continues, “you got zero shot at killing Lucifer. Sorry. But... you can trap him. The cage you sprung Lucifer from, it's still down there, and maybe, just maybe, you can shove his ass back in. Not that it'll be easy. You got to get the cage open, trick my bro back into it, and oh yeah, avoid Michael and the God Squad. But hey - details, right? And here's the big secret, Lucifer himself doesn't even know. But the key to the cage, it's out there. Actually it's keys, plural, four keys. Well, four rings from the Horsemen. You get 'em all, you got the cage.” Gabriel turns back to the bed and Sam quickly shuts the computer.
“Horsemen, huh?” Dean asks. “Well we got War's... And we nicked Famine's. That's two rings down. Collect all four? All we need is Pestilence and Death.”
“Oh, is that all?” Sam asks dryly and they get back in the car.
~*~*~
A car pulls up to a convenience store and a very sneezey, snotty, Pestilence gets out and goes in. Sliming up the counters, he finds a box of flu medicine, then goes up to ask the man behind the counter if it’ll make him drowsy. He’s got a lot of driving to do. Buying the right medicine, he heads out, gets back in his car, and drives off, flies filling the car as he goes.
Dean: How you doin'?
Kali[/B]: No.
Dean: But...
Kali: No.
Dean: Oh, lady, I'm just, you know...
Kali: I understand. And, no.
~*~*~
Sam: An elephant?
Dean: Yeah.
Sam: Like, an elephant?
Dean: Like full-on Babar.
~*~*~
Dean: Please be tomato soup, please be tomato soup.
~*~*~
Baldur: Some ground rules: No slaughtering each other. Curb your wrath. Oh, and keep your hands off the local virgins, we're trying to keep a low profile here.
~*~*~
Odin: Everybody knows when the world comes to an end, the great serpent Jörmungandr rises up. And I myself will be eaten by a big wolf. (off Zao Shen’s reaction) Your beliefs are so much more realistic? The whole world's getting carried around on the back of a giant turtle?
Zao Shen: (in Chinese) Don't mock my world turtle.
~*~*~
Sam: By the way, next time I say "let's keep driving," uh... let's keep driving!
~*~*~
Dean: There's nothing natural about this at all. I thought you were dead.
Gabriel: You think I'd give Kali my real sword? That thing can kill me.
Dean: Then what do they have in there?
Gabriel: A fake. Made it out of a can of Diet Orange Slice.
~*~*~
Kali: I never took you for the type.
Gabriel: Romantic?
Kali: Pathetic.
~*~*~
Gabriel: I know my brother, Kali. And he should scare the living crap out of you.
~*~*~
Lucifer: You know, I never understood you pagans. You're such petty little things. Always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind, no wonder you forfeited this planet to us. You are worse than humans. You're worse than demons. And yet you claim to be gods. (snaps Mercury's neck) And they call me prideful.
~*~*~
Baldur: You think you own the planet? What gives you the right?
Lucifer: No one gives us the right. We take it.
~*~*~
Lucifer: Gabriel, if you're doing this for Michael...
Gabriel: Screw him. If he were standing here, I'd shiv his ass, too.
Lucifer: Huh. You disloyal...
Gabriel: Oh, I'm loyal. To them.
Lucifer: Who? These so-called gods?
Gabriel: To people, Lucifer. People.
Lucifer: So, you're willing to die, for a pile of cockroaches? Why?
Gabriel: Because Dad was right. They are better than us.
Lucifer: They are broken, flawed, abortions!
Gabriel: Damn right, they're flawed. But, a lot of 'em try, to do better. To forgive.
~*~*~
Gabriel: Lucifer... you are my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.
Lucifer: What did you say to me?
Gabriel: Look at yourself... Boo hoo, Daddy was mean to me, so I'm gonna smash up all his toys.
Lucifer: Watch your tone.
Gabriel: Play the victim all you want, but you and me, we know the truth. Dad loved you best, more than Michael, more than me. Then he brought the new baby home and you couldn't handle it. So all of this is just a great big temper tantrum. Time to grow up.
~*~*~
Lucifer: Amateur hocus pocus? Don't forget, you learned all your tricks from me, little brother.
~*~*~
Gabriel: Without me, you got zero shot at killing Lucifer. Sorry. But... you can trap him. The cage you sprung Lucifer from, it's still down there, and maybe, just maybe, you can shove his ass back in. Not that it'll be easy. You got to get the cage open, trick my bro back into it, and oh yeah, avoid Michael and the God Squad. But hey - details, right? And here's the big secret, Lucifer himself doesn't even know. But the key to the cage, it's out there. Actually it's keys, plural, four keys. Well, four rings from the Horsemen. You get 'em all, you got the cage.
~*~*~
Dean: Horsemen, huh? Well we got War's... And we nicked Famine's. That's two rings down. Collect all four? All we need is Pestilence and Death.
Sam: Oh, is that all?
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