Supernatural: Criss Angel Is a Douche Bag Recap
February 5th 2009 23:08
It’s “Magic Week” in Iowa! A man on the street turns a white heart balloon into a dove, while inside magician Jay (guest star Barry Bostwick) cuts the cards. The girl behind the bar smiles, politely complimenting, “Wow, you’re really good.”
“Yeah great,” a younger magician mocks, clapping and taunting, “Hey, show us another!”
The girl sitting next to him glares and tells him to finish his drink as Jay starts to show the girl a simple shuffle and loses his grip. The cards fall to the table and the other magician snorts a laugh. “Do a card trick for me,” the girl tells Jay, ignoring the rude customer.
“Oh here we go,” said customer mocks, “The Incredible Jay!”
“Alright young lady,” Jay says, also ignoring the man. He starts to flip through the cards. “Would please tell me when to stop.”
“Stop.”
He holds up a three of spades. “This is your card. Commit it to memory, hmm?” He smiles and puts it back in the deck.
“That’s incredible jay!” mocks the magician in the black cape and red tie.
“Don’t be a jerk,” his date warns, as Jay spreads the cards out on the bar, asking the other girl, “Do you see your card?” She leans forward. No she doesn’t.
“Check his pocket,” the annoying magician whispers loudly, and both girls are getting frustrated with him. Jay tries to ignore him as he stumbles up, drunkenly and pulls the card out of Jay’s pocket. “Is this your card?”
“Why are you so mean?” the girl behind the bar asks. “Can’t you just leave the old guy alone?” She immediately regrets using “old guy” when she sees the look on Jay’s face.
~*~*~
Inside a theatre, an even younger magician dressed in a black leather vest and jeans is being lowered onto the stages as fog surrounds him and the spotlight comes on. Jay, and his two best friends, Charlie and Vernon all stare at the act from the theatre seats.
Charlie leans forward. “Is he wearing eyeliner?”
“I can’t tell,” Vernon answers. “I’m blinded by all that sterling silver.”
“The light has to find me!” the magician on stage shouts, interrupting the practice. “Get it? It has to find ME.”
Charlie and Vernon: What a douche bag.
Jay tells them their giving him a headache, and both his friends argue that it used to be about skill. “Yeah, ‘used to be, used to be’,” Jay mutters. “Listen to you two, it’s pathetic. Bitter old men talkin’ about the glory days. You know what? This douche bag isn’t the joke,” he says grimly, “we are.”
“Hey, who you callin’ a joke?” Charlie asks from the seat behind him.
“Me, for one,” Jay answers sadly. He turns his attention back to the stage, listening to the angry goth music playing in the background. “That used to be us. Maybe he is a douche bag, but he’s playing the main stage and we can’t even afford an assistant.”
Suddenly, Jay wonders what they’re doing here. His friend tries to convince him that they’re doing alright, but Jay isn’t buying any of it. “We’re sad, old, and we’re dying.”
“Jay—”
“I’m gonna do the table of death tonight,” Jay suddenly decides. The two men behind him just shake their heads. “No you’re not Jay, don’t be crazy.”
“You almost killed yourself the last time you tried it, and that was 30 years ago.”
“Ah who cares if it kills me?” Jay answers, half-heartedly shuffling a deck of cards. “At least I’ll go out with a headline.”
~*~*~
That night, Jay stands on a much smaller show in front of a sparse audience seated at small tables around the darkened room.
“Ladies and gentleman, what you’re about to see is neither a trick nor an illusion,” Jay begins. “Simply a display of daring and dexterity.” He lays down on the Table of Death as Vernon and Charlie lock him in. A woman from the audience checks to make sure the bindings are tight and secure and sits back down. Charlie notices they are in fact very tight. “You sure you can slip ‘em?” he mumbles to his friend, who just smiles and looks up at the bed of very sharp, very long nails above him.
Charlie closes the white curtains in front of the Table of Death, and Vernon crosses himself backstage, praying that this doesn’t end badly. Charlie joins him and they exchange a ‘he’s crazy!’ look. Charlie sets the rope holding the bed of nails up on fire and waits.
~*~*~
Meanwhile, that rude magician from the bar steps outside as the girl he’s with reminds him that his show is in an hour. “Try to be on time.” He waves her off and stumbles down the sidewalk.
~*~*~
Backlight behind the curtain, Jay struggles to free himself from the extremely tight binds. His friends watch nervously as the flame slowly eats away at the rope…
~*~*~
The magician outside is still walking…
~*~*~
Jay’s still trying to get out, but his arms and legs are held fast. Charlie glances at the nearly burned through rope and Vernon holds a fist up to his mouth, fidgeting nervously.
Suddenly, the rope snaps and the bed of nails plunges through Jay and the Table of Death as the lights go out.
~*~*~
Outside on the sidewalk, the magician clutches his chest and falls to the ground.
~*~*~
Inside, Charlie pulls back the curtain, just as astonished as the audience as Jay steps forward, free and unharmed. Jay bows, and glances at him. He seems almost surprised as everyone else that he was able to pull that trick off.
~*~*~
Outside, blood begins to seep through the dead magician’s white shirt. His wounds make it look like he was just stabbed with…a bed of nails?
~*~*~
The young magician from before is doing card tricks on the street. He shuffles the deck, telling his audience that “this isn’t a trick, okay? I don’t do ‘tricks’.” Instead, he insists dramatically that “this is a demonstration of demons and angels, love and lust, all that stuff mixed up in my head.”
Sam and Dean walk up behind the camera and boom operator, Dean just rolling his eyes. “What a douche bag.
“That’s Jeb Dexter,” Sam answers, and Dean just shakes his head.
“I don’t even want to know how you know that.”
“He’s famous,” Sam says with a shrug. “Kinda.”
“For what? Douche Baggery?”
The boys watch as Jeb Dexter pretends to be possessed, dramatically shouts, “Go back to Hell, Demon!” and throws his cards at a nearby glass window. One card remains trapped between the glass, and Jeb looks at the girl who picked the card, dramatically asking, “Is this your card?”
The crowd claps and Dean is not impressed. “You gotta be kiddin’ me. A fake demon possession?” As the crowd continues to clap, Dean’s decided he’s had enough. He starts to leave, and Sam follows him.
“I can’t believe people actually fall for that kind of crap.”
“It’s not all crap,” Sam answers.
“What part of that was not a steaming pile of BS?”
“ Okay, THAT was crap, but that’s not all magicians. It takes skill.”
“Oh riiiight, right,” Dean says, stopping and grinning. “You were actually into all this stuff weren’t you? I mean, you had like a deck of cards and a wand…”
“Dude, I was 13,” Sam interrupts. “It was a phase.”
“It just bugs me,” Dean answers, irritated. “Actually, it offends me. They’re playin’ at demons and magic when the real thing’ll kill you bloody?”
“Like a guy who drops dead of ten stab wounds without a single tear in his shirt?”
Dean nods. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about.”
They head off.
~*~*~
Sam and Dean visit the assistant to the magician who was killed, the girl who was with him at the bar that night. She’s cleaning out her late boss’s magic trunk.
“So does your boss have any enemies that you know of?” Dean asks, and she tells him that he had plenty of enemies.
“How so?” Sam asks, and Dean gets distracted by the incredibly long line of handkerchiefs the girl is pulling out of a black duffle bag as she explains that her boss would “steal from other magicians. All the time.” He’d steal anything he could get his hands on.
“Is that enough to get him killed?” Dean asks, and she explains that “these guys take this stuff pretty seriously.”
The girl flips back another cape and finds a big white bunny. “There you are.” She picks up the rabbit and pets him, and Sam and Dean exchange a look.
“Did you find anything weird in Vance’s stuff?” Dean asks, then realizing that everything he’s currently looking at is weird, he corrects, “Well, weirder.”
“As a matter of fact, I did,” the girl answers, putting the rabbit down and picking up a tarot card from inside the cape. She holds it up for them to see the picture of a man stabbed by ten swords.
“I’m guessing this didn’t belong to Vance,” Sam says, taking the card. The girl admits that her boss hated card tricks. He didn’t want them around, “let alone in his precious cape.”
~*~*~
Jay is in his hotel room practicing card tricks. There’s a knock at the door and he goes to let Charlie in.
“You want to tell me how you did it?” Charlie asks.
“Did what?”
“You know what.”
“The great ones never give away the how,” Jay answers, shuffling the cards.
Charlie is confused. “Yesterday you were ‘sad, old, and dying’. Today you’re one of the ‘great ones?” Jay nods ruefully and Charlie coaxes, “Come on, this is me you’re talkin’ to.”
“You didn’t think I could do it,” Jay says, amused. He heads back to the table, and Charlie admits that no, he didn’t. “You’re my friend,” Charlie adds. “My best friend, I just didn’t want to see you get hurt, that’s all.”
Jay sets the cards on the table and calls Charlie over to see something. He pulls three aces from the face-down deck.
Charlie raises an eyebrow. “Not bad.”
“Not bad?” Jay gives him a skeptical look. “I’ve been working to pull an ace out of the middle of the deck for years—just one. And now I can pull three.”
Charlie turns away from him, muttering, “Still missing the ace of hearts…”
“I want to do The Execution tonight,” Jay says suddenly, and his friend turns and looks at him like he’s crazy.
“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Charlie asks, exasperated.
Jay shrugs. “It’s just a rope slip.”
“Houdini wouldn’t try The Executioner!”
“Exactly!” Jay says, suddenly animated. “Think about it, Charlie, if I can pull this off…”
“I think you’re pushing your luck.”
“It wasn’t luck,” Jay insists, “It wasn’t!” He steps towards his friend, telling him to “stand over there”.
Charlie takes a step back, and Jay tells him, “Let’s not end up like this, Charlie. A couple a’ old farts doin’ birthdays and bar mitzvahs.”
Charlie chuckles with Jay then tells him seriously, “It beats dying.”
Jay’s smile fades. “Does it?”
“I would do anything for you,” Charlie tells him. “You know that.” Jay nods, and his friend adds, “But I will not watch you die. I’ll miss that show.”
“No, you’ll be there,” Jay answers. “You’re always there for me.”
Charlie stares at him a second, then Jay tells him to check his pocket. When he does, Charlie finds the ace of hearts. Even he is impressed. “That’s good Jay!” he laughs.
Jay insists that he really wants to do The Executioner tonight, and Charlie finally gives in. Jay laughs excitedly, felling like a young man again.
~*~*~
Jeb is on the phone complaining about his gig and how he should have gotten Chris Angel’s Circ Du Sole show. He sits down at a table with Jay, hanging up his phone and telling his camera crew, “Alright boys, get it in gear, I don’t got all day.” Behind him is a sign reading “The Incredible Jay.”
Charlie and Vernon watch from another table as Dean walks up. “You Vernon Haskle?”
“Who’s askin’?”
Dean pulls out his FBI badge and tells them they’re looking into the death of Patrick Vance. Vernon glances at the badge but remains quiet as Jeb looks into the camera and tells his audience that “This is Devil’s Twist. We’re chillin’ at the International Magician’s Convention, which is a dope chance for me to tip my hat to the wicked cats who came before me.” He gestures to Jay sitting on the other side of the table. “Smokin’ hot effects last night, Jim.”
“Jay,” he corrects, holding up his cards.
“Huh?”
“The name. Jay.”
“Yeah whatever,” Jeb answers. “We can loop it later.”
Vernon looks at Charlie. “What a douche bag.”
Dean looks between the men, pleasantly surprised. “Couldn’t agree more.” He pulls out the tarot card and asks Vernon if it looks familiar. He’s heard he uses them in his act. Vernon just laughs. He hasn’t touched a card or had an act in years. Shaky hands and all.
“Do you know someone who might use them now?” Dean asks.
Vernon thinks a moment, then remembers a guy who uses them. He tells Dean the street to find him on, and both he and Charlie agree that Vance crossed him a few times before. “Probably cost him 50 grand a month.” They give him the address and tell him to “ask for Chief”.
“Chief?” They nod. “Thank you.” Dean leaves.
~*~*~
Dean walks down a shady ally to 426. He knocks on the cast iron security gate, and when the door opens tells the very tall, stern-looking man, “I’m uh, here to see Chief?”
The guy opens the gate and lets him in.
He leads dean down into a dark basement, telling him to, “stay here. Don’t touch anything.”
Dean listens to the sound of a muted drumbeat and glances around at his surroundings. There’s not much in the dark basement. Hmmm…
Suddenly a door opens and yellow light pours into the room. A huge figure walks up some stairs and into view.
“You are really gonna get it tonight, big boy,” the man black leather teases, slapping his hand with the whip he’s carrying.
“There’s been a misunderstanding,” Dean says, realizing that Charlie and Vernon have set him up. “I, uh, think I’ve been had.”
“Oh you ain’t been had till you been had by The Chief…”
Dean can only stare at him, not quite believing this is happening. Suddenly the guy drops the dominance act and pleasantly asks, “Oh before we get started, what’s your safe word?”
Dean gags. Oh yeah, he’s been had alright.
~*~*~
Back at the hotel, Sam is sitting at his computer, still in his FBI agent clothes. There’s knock at the door, and he gets up slowly, not sure who would be knocking. He looks through the peephole and his shoulders slump. Clearly he’s not happy to see the person on the other side.
Sam opens the door and glares at the person on the other side. “What are you doing here, Ruby?”
“I should be asking you the same thing,” she answers, letting herself in.
Sam rolls his eyes and shuts the door. “I’m workin’ a job.”
“The whole world’s about to be engulfed in hellfire and you’re in Magictown USA,” she cuts back, turning to look at him.
Sam lets out a dry laugh and asks if she’s got something against magic. She argues that that would almost be funny if 34 seals hadn’t already been broken. “34, Sam,” she reiterates. “That’s almost halfway.” Sam doesn’t answer, and Ruby adds, “The angels are losing this war. Every day is one day closer, and if someone doesn’t do something soon—”
“And that someone is me?” Sam asks, angrily.
“Who else would it be?”
“I don’t know where these seals are,” he reminds her, even more angry. “I don’t know squat!” At Ruby’s look, he adds sarcastically, “So why don’t you tell me where you’d like me to start?”
She tells him that there’s bigger fish to fry than the ones he and Dean are chasing. “And if the seals are being broken? You might want to go after the one doing the breaking.”
“Lilith?”
“Cut the head off the snake…You’re the only one who can stop her, Sam.”
Sam takes in an angry breath as Lilith tells him to step up and kill Lilith already. She heads towards the door, and Sam argues that’s he’s perfectly game for it. “It’s not the psychic think I got a problem with!”
“Yeah I *know* what you got a problem with,” Ruby says, rolling her eyes. “But tough! It’s the only way.”
Sam glares at her, and answers a stern, “No.”
“You know, this would all be so much easier if you’d just admit to yourself that you like it,” Ruby answers, taking a step towards him. “That feeling that it gives you…”
Sam shoots her a dirty look. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh I don’ t, huh?” They stare each other down a second, and finally Ruby gives in. “Fine.” She goes to the door. “It’s simple: Lucifer rises, the Apocalypse starts. You think you have demons on your hands now? PEOPLE are gonna die Sam. Oceans of people. So you just let me know when you’re ready.”
Ruby leaves, slamming the door behind her.
~*~*~
Back at the theatre, Dean joins his brother.
“Find anything interesting?”
“What?” Sam asks, distracted. “Uh, no. You?”
“Nothin’ I wanna talk about,” Dean answers, muttering, “Or think about ever again.”
Vernon and Charlie discuss how crazy Jay is. Charlie tells his friend that he tried to talk Jay out of it, but there was “something in his eyes.”
Sam and Dean join them.
“The Chief, huh?” Dean asks, and Charlie just answers, “What’s the matter, The Chief not your type?”
Dean laughs mirthlessly and tells them he could have them both arrested for obstruction of justice.
“How?” Vernon asks. “You’re no Fed.”
“We con people for a living, son,” Charlie adds. “It takes more than a fake badge to get past us.”
Dean and Sam both let out nervous laughs. Okay, fine, “you got us.” Dean glances at his brother and tells Vernon and Charlie that he and Sam are actually aspiring magicians. Sam agrees, and adds that they came here because they thought they could learn something.
“Yeah get some ideas for our new show,” Dean says, and Vernon and Charlie pep up.
“What kind of show?”
“Well, it’s—it’s a—”
“Brother act,” Sam quickly interrupts.
“Yeah!” Dean says with a grin. “With rings and doves and…rings…”
Thankfully they’re saved by the introduction of The Incredible Jay. Charlie tells them if they really want to learn something to stick around.
Jay welcomes his audience and tells them that what he’s about to do was so dangerous even Houdini didn’t try it. “I give you, The Executioner!” A noose swings down onto the stage.
~*~*~
Meanwhile, in his hotel room, Jeb is testing out his intense dark magician looks in front of a mirror.
~*~*~
Jay has an audience member check to make sure that the real straightjacket he’s in is tightly secure. It is. Standing in the loop of the noose, tied into the straightjacket, Jay tells the audience that he’ll have one minute “60 seconds to escape certain death…Let’s see if I can do it.”
Sam and Dean watch as Charlie closes the curtains and the big clock above the stage starts ticking down. 55 seconds…50…
~*~*~
Jeb’s checking his hear in the mirror now, as his music continues to blare, and a noose begins to slither off a mannequin and across the ceiling. It wraps itself around the ceiling fan, moving as silent and deadly as a snake…
~*~*~
The clock is ticking down and Sam glances nervously at Dean. With ten seconds left, even Dean doesn’t think Jay’s going to make it.
4…3…2...1
Jay drops.
~*~*~
At the exact same time, the nose in Jeb’s room drops down and wraps around Jeb’s neck. The ceiling fan begins to twist the rope up and Jeb’s is strangled to death.
~*~*~
Jay steps out from behind the curtain to the amazement of all. The audience gives him a standing ovation, and Dean let’s out an impressed laugh. “That was amazing—that was freakin’ amazing!” He turns to Sam, who is just staring at the stage. “That was…not humanly possible.”
~*~*~
Jeb’s body swings in a lazy circle as the fan continues to move.
~*~*~
Sam and Dean are back at the hotel doing research. Dean looks over the books as Sam checks his computer and tells his brother that apparently Jay was pretty big back in the 70s.
“Which in magician land means what exactly?” Dean asks.
“Big enough to play Radio City Music Hall.”
“What got him stuck in the ‘Where are they now?’ file?”
Sam glances at his computer and answers simply, “He got old.”
Hmmm…”Okay, maybe The Incredible Jay is using real magic to stage a comeback,” Dean suggests.
“It’s possible,” Sam agrees. “Some kind of spell that works a death transference.”
“How’s the tarot card mix into it?”
“I don’t know.”
Sam goes back to his computer and Dean just shakes his head. “Man, I hope I die before I get old.” He gets up to have a look at the tarot card again. “Seems brutal, don’t it?”
Sam considers his words a moment, then asks, “You think we will?”
“What?”
“Die before we get old?”
“Haven’t we both already?” Dean asks with a grin.
“You know what I mean, Dean,” Sam answers, not amused. “I mean, do you think we’ll still be chasing demons when we’re 60?”
“No,” Dean answers without a pause. “I think we’ll be dead. For good.”
Sam lets out a weary huff, and Dean asks, “Well what, you want to end up like—like Travis? Or Gordon maybe?”
“There’s Bobby,” Sam counters.
“Oh yeah there’s a poster child for growin’ old gracefully.” Dean laughs and goes back to sit down.
This is clearly bothering Sam. “Maybe we’ll be different, Dean.”
“What kind of kool-aid you drinkin’, man?” Sam glances down at his computer sadly, and Dean adds, “Sammy it ends bloody, or sad…That’s just the life.”
Sam shuts his computer, hesitates a moment, then asks his brother, “What if we could win?”
“Win?”
“If there was a way we could just…put an end to all of it.”
Okay, now Dean’s worried. “Is there somethin’ goin’ on your not telling me?”
“No.”
“Sammy—”
“No,” Sam quickly assures. “I’m just saying that—” He stands up, trying to figure out how to word it. “I just wish there was a way that we could…go after the source, that’s all. Cut the head off the snake?”
“Well the problem with the snake is that it has a thousand heads,” Dean answers. The evil just keeps “piling’ out of the Volkswagen.”
“Yeah,” Sam says grimly, staring at the floor. “I guess you’re right…”
After a moment, Dean tells his brother to go see what he can dig up on Jay while he goes to see what he can find out about the tarot card. Back to business, as usual.
~*~*~
The brothers meet back up in the lobby of Jeb’s hotel, where a coroner is taking his body out. Dean tells Sam that somebody found Jeb hanging from a ceiling fan. They think it was a suicide. “I beg to differ.” Dean holds up another tarot card, this one with a man hanging from a noose. “Pulled a little slide of hand myself.”
Sam asks if he found it on the body. Yep. Dean thinks that if it is some kind of spell, the tarot cards work like a kind of “black magic targets”.
“Any connections between the victims?” Sam asks, and Dean tells him that “Jeb was a total douche bag to Jay yesterday.”
“What about the first victim, Vance?”
“Asked around, apparently Vance was heckling Jay at the bar the day he was killed.”
They start to walk, and Sam runs though how it might have happened. “Okay, so Jay sneaks a card into Vance’s pocket, does the Table of Death—”
“And Vance takes 10 swords to the chest.”
“Then Jay slips a noose, and Jeb doesn’t. Hell of trick.”
Dean agrees. “It’s time we had a little chat with Jay. Any luck tailing him?”
Sam hesitates a moment, then answers, “He…slipped me.”
Dean stares at his brother. “He’s a 60-year-old.”
“He’s a magician,” Sam defends.
~*~*~
Jay unlocks his hotel room and goes in. Sam and Dean poke their heads around the corner and wait until the door is closed, then break down the door, guns drawn. “Up against the wall!”
“Who are you—”
“Now!” Dean shouts, motioning with the gun as Sam adds, “We know what you’ve been up to.”
Jay is totally confused, and Dean explains, “Some real bad mojo to jumpstart your act.”
“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jay glances between them, hands up, and still very confused.
Sam tells him they know he’s been putting spell a spell on those tarot cards, and Dean adds, “Messin’ real magic!”
“Real magic?” Jay laughs nervously. “There’s no such thing as real magic!”
“Oh is that so?”
“Yeah believe me, I’ve been around this stuff my whole life, it’s all just illusions—it’s, it’s tricks—” Sam and Dean push forward with their guns, and Jay hastily adds, “It’s all FAKE!”
“Jeb Dexter strung up,” Dean answers, gun still drawn. “Was that just an illusion?”
Jay stares at them, honestly asking, “What? Somethin’ happen to Jeb?”
“He was found hanged in his room,” Sam answers, and Dean adds, “Right after you slipped the noose last night.”
Jay takes this in for a moment, then tells them he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. “Please…just let me go.”
“Something’s not right,” Dean says to his brother as they both continue to stand with their guns pointed at Jay.
“Usually their workin’ some badass hoodoo at us by now,” Sam agrees.
Dean nods. “What do you want to do?”
~*~*~
Jay is tied to a chair in Sam and Dean’s hotel room as they huddle together on the other side of the room trying to figure out what’s going on. If it’s not Jay, then who is it?
“Well even if Jay’s not workin’ the magic, he’s still getting the reward,” Dean answers. “His shows are sellin’ out.”
“Alright, so then whoever it is, they’re obviously in Jay’s corner,” Sam agrees.
“Alright so we got Vernon and Charlie on the list. Anyone else?”
Sam sighs. “We could always ask him.” Good point.
The brothers turn to do just that, and find the chair empty.
“Guess we should have seen that one coming.”
“C’mon, he couldn’t have gotten that far.” They head off to find the magician.
Jay opens the closet and peeks his head out. Sam and Dean are gone.
~*~*~
Downstairs in the lobby, Sam and Dean look around. “No way he could outrun us.”
“Maybe he vanished,” Dean answers, adding, “I mean, he really is good.”
“Or he found a back door.”
A cop car pulls up and a police man runs in. Suddenly, Jay runs down the stairs, pointing at Sam and Dean and shouting, “That’s them! Those are the two nut jobs that just broke into my room!”
“Freeze!”
“Hands where I can see ‘em!”
Sam and Dean turn around to face the two cops, with no other choice than to raise their hands.
~*~*~
Charlie is shining some black shoes as Jay tells him what Sam and Dean said about how his act is killing people. “They said I was using real magic, that I was casting spells on tarot cards!”
“Real magic? Those guys are nuts.” Charlie looks up from the shoes and adds, “You’re lucky to be alive.”
“You don’t think…”
“What?”
“Well the thinks that I can do now, the cards,” Jay admits, and Charlie points out that he’s been working the cards his whole life. Jay asks about he escapes, reminding his friend that he hasn’t been able “to slip a pair of cuffs for 30 years!” Pacing in the otherwise empty room, he adds, “And then there was the way that Patrick Vance died, and that Jeb Dexter and—”
“No great loss there,” Charlie interrupts dryly, and Jay argues that he “didn’t deserve to die!”
“You had nothing to do with it,” Charlie argues, exasperatedly, and Jay tells him that Jeb was hanged the exact same night he performed The Executioner.
“Wait a minute, are you telling me that you actually believe those guys?” Charlie asks his friend. “That there was some kind of real magic involved?”
“No,” Jay answers then just shakes his head. “I don’t know…I don’t know, maybe.” After a second, he decides, “I shouldn’t go on tonight, Charlie.”
“Are you kidding me?” Charlie asks, dropping the shoes and polishing brush to stand up. “You have a soldout house out there, SOLD OUT! When was the last time that happened?”
Jay turns around to face his friend, considering him a second. “The other night, when I was doing the Table of Death. I was uh…I was gonna kill myself,” Jay admits. “And I have no idea how I got out alive.”
Charlie can only stare at his friend. “But you did,” he encourages. “Somehow you did!”
Trying to cheer Jay up, Charlie puts a hand on his shoulder. “Jay, when you were in your day? You were incredible. The Incredible Jay, you were the best I ever saw! And now you got it back. I don’t’ know how, but it doesn’t matter. Just to see you at the top of your game again?” Charlie laughs. “Hell, it makes me feel young!”
“But—”
“No buts Jay!” Charlie interrupts. “This may be manna from Heaven, I don’t know…But whatever it is, you DON’T throw it away.”
~*~*~
That night, Jay is again attempting the Table of Death. Charlie lights the flame and goes backstage as Vernon watches in the wings. Jay struggles and the audience starts to worry. The rope snaps and—BAM!
The audience waits with baited breath until Jay steps forward. They all begin to clap and suddenly, “AHHH! Somebody call 911!”
Jay rushes offstage to find Charlie lying dead on the floor, 10 stab wounds in his chest.”
~*~*~
Sam and Dean walk into the hotel, meeting up with Jay. Sam thanks him for dropping the charges, and Dean asks if he’d mind telling them why he did it. Jay stares at them, then grimly answers, “We have to talk.”
~*~*~
Jay is sitting at a table opposite Sam and Dean. He takes a drink out of his glass, then tells them solemnly, “I was just a kid when we first met. All I knew was how to cheat at cards. Charlie got me out of more scrapes that I can count.” He takes another drink and adds, “I would’ve been dead by the age of 20 if it hadn’t been for him.”
Jay takes in a deep breath and sighs. “He was more than just my friend, he was my brother…”
Sam and Dean understand his pain. “I’m sorry Jay.”
“Look, I should have listened to you guys when you told me that my show was killing people.”
“Well you weren’t the one pulling the trigger,” Dean reminds.
“Yeah but someone did, and I want to find out who did this to Charlie, so I will do whatever you guys say. Just tell me what to do.”
Sam and Dean exchange a look, and Sam tries to explain, “Jay, whoever’s doing this, they like you. They’re probably close to you.” He pauses a second to let this sink in, then asks, “Did Charlie and Vernon get along?”
“No,” Jay shakes his head, very sure that, “no it’s not Vernon.”
“He’s the only one that makes sense,” Dean answers, knowing it’s not what Jay wants to hear.
“Charlie and Vernon were your family,” Sam adds, and Dean finishes, “And now Charlie’s gone.”
Jay admits that they butted heads sometimes, but Vernon could never do something like that.
Yeah, well…Dean tries to explain, “You see the thing about real magic? Is that it’s a whole lot like crack. People do surprising things once they get a taste of it.”
His words hang in the air, and Sam glances at him. Jay tells them they better be very sure about t his because “Vernon’s all I got left.” He takes another drink.
~*~*~
Vernon gets a call in his hotel room and tells the person he’ll “be there in two shakes. I got something to tell you anyway.” He shuts off the TV and leaves.
Sam and Dean look around the corner and watch Vernon walk away before breaking into his hotel room. They pause a moment to look around at all the magic stuff.
“Wow,” Sam says, looking at the magazines and fliers on the bed. “It’s like a magic museum.”
“You must be in Heaven,” Dean teases and Sam ignores him.
“This guy doesn’t travel light.”
“He’s been on the road all his life,” Sam answers, “probably everything he owns is in this room.”
“Let’s get started.”
~*~*~
Vernon meets Jay at the theatre to tell him that he just talked to the head of the convention and the headlining gig “Is yours!” Jay turns around from where he’s been staring at the Table of Death, and Vernon asks, “What? You don’t want it?”
“A day ago if you told me I’d be standing on this stage…” Jay sighs. “Naw, I can’t do it Vernon.”
“What are you talkin’ about?” his friend asks, confused.
“Charlie’s gone.”
“Charlie would have wanted you to go on, this is your shot!” Vernon tries to convince him. “It’s our shot.”
“Really? This is what Charlie wanted?” Jay steps forward, angrily adding, “Charlie’s dead!”
“Hey,” Vernon answers, hurt. “He was my friend too you know.”
Jay continues to walk forward, squinting at him. “Hell of a way to treat a friend.”
“Again, what are you talkin’ about?” Vernon asks, genuinely confused.
“You killed him, didn’t you?” Jay practically hisses, and Vernon just stares at him. “And for what?” Jay asks. “So that I—so that WE—could be back on top?”
Vernon thinks his friend’s gone crazy. “You’re scaring me!” Jay just talks over him, asking how even if he thought he was killing Vance and Jeb Dexter for him, how could he go and kill Charlie? Their best friend!
“Oh you are crazy,” Vernon answers, shaking his head and looking at Jay as if he’s lost it.
“You used me, and you used my act to do this to him,” Jay argues. “If you think—”
“I wouldn’t be so hard on him, Jay,” A man says, stepping onto the stage behind them. “He didn’t do it.”
Jay swing around to see who’s talking to him.
~*~*~
Back at the hotel, Sam and Dean haven’t found anything. As Dean puts it, it’s just “a bunch of old timey magic stuff. None of it magic.”
“No herbs, no candles, and no tarot cards,” Sam agrees studying something silvery in his hand.
Dean rifles through some old posters and finally gets a break. He holds up one of them for Sam to see. “Look like anyone we know?”
Sam looks at the picture, then notices the scar over the young man’s eyebrow.
~*~*~
The same young man is now standing on the stage in front of Vernon and Jay. It’s Charlie, but young again. Vernon and Jay can’t believe their eyes.
“It’s really me, Jay.”
How…? Jay tells them that “you forget what it feels like to be young. It’s amazing.” A shocked Vernon asks him how old he is, and Charlie just answers, “Well it depends on what you mean by “old”. Right now? Technically about 28.” Jay and Vernon exchange a ‘is this really happening’ look as Charlie adds, “But I’ve been around a lot longer than that.”
“How long?” Jay asks, and Charlie tells them that he’s been around since the time of Barnum, who gave him a special book. A book of real magic. “So when I got to the end and there was one for immortality?” There’s no need to finish his sentence.
Jay realizes that his show, the things he can do are because of Charlie. Charlie tells them that it’s a different spell, “but it gives you a little taste of what’s possible.” He fans out a deck of cards, and Vernon automatically goes to pick one. “Oh no,” Charlie interrupts, stopping him. “I wouldn’t touch those Vernon, they’re—they’re still ratio-active.”
Charlie puts the cards back in his pocket as Jay realizes, “You killed Vance and Jeb Dexter…”
“Right, you think this is a parlor game?” Charlie asks, stepping towards him. “You were being humiliated by those punks. A washed up old man who couldn’t even defend himself.”
“You used me to do this terrible things!”
“I used them to give you a gift,” Charlie argues, adding, “And you wanted it, Jay. I saw it in your eyes.”
Jay shakes his head vehemently. He did NOT want this, but Charlie reminds him that he was ready to kill himself. “I saved your life.” Vernon turns to his friend, shocked. “Is that right Jay?” Jay doesn’t answer, and Charlie says, “I was there for you, like I’ve always been.”
Jay shakes his head and Charlie tells them “like I’ll always be.” He steps forward, excited. “Come with me! Both of you! You think the first time around was good, the second time’s even better. All the knowhow, none of the aches and pains…”
Vernon studies Charlie a moment, then glances at Jay. It is tempting.
“No,” Jay answers. “I won’t do this.”
“I’ve never made this offer before,” Charlie tells them. “But then again, I’ve never had friends like the two of you before…Let me do this for you.”
“And who else has to die so that we can live forever?” Jay asks, angry. “What’s the price tag on immortality?” Charlie doesn’t answer, and Jay adds, “This isn’t right, Charlie, what you’re doing, and you know that. Somewhere you know that.”
“I know I don’t to come back alone,” Charlie answers grimly. “To start all over again.” He looks longingly at his friends.
“Jay, we can be young again,” Vernon suddenly speaks up.
“The three of us together,” Charlie encourages, “Vital and alive! Forever.”
“Not so fast!” Dean shouts as he and Sam walk through the theatre. “I ain’t Guttenbergand this ain’t Cocoon.”
Vernon and Jay turn around to face them and Dean waves them away from Charlie with his gun. “Immortality, that’s a neat trick.”
“It’s not a trick,” Charlie answers with a smile. “It’s magic.”
Suddenly a noose drops down out of nowhere and wraps itself around Dean, who loses his gun as he’s lifted off the floor by his neck.
Sam immediately shoots Charlie, who simply catches the bullet in his mouth. He spits it out and looks at it. “Hey, bullet catch, I’ve been workin’ on that.” He tosses the bullet into the air and disappears as Sam glances up at his brother, trying to find a way to help him down. Dean yells at Sam to “Get him!” as Charlie reappears and winks at Sam.
Sam levels the gun at Charlie, stepping forward. “Let him go! Now!”
“Just leave me and my friends alone,” Charlie says calmly.
“I said NOW!”
Jay watches as Dean continues to struggle with the noose and Charlie promises that he’ll give up the spell and the hexes after this. “This is the last time, I promise.”
Fed up with Charlie and knowing Dean doesn’t have much more time before he’s strangled to death, Sam swings at Charlie, who just disappears again. He reappears behind Sam, who has just enough time to turn around before Charlie flings him back on the Table of Death.
The arm and leg cuffs snap tightly into place as Charlie instructs the rope to begin breaking. Sam glances up at the deadly nails above him. Not good! As he fights the cuffs and Dean fights the rope around his neck, Jay watches helplessly.
The rope holding up the bed of nails is on its last thread and Sam still isn’t free. Dean can’t breathe. Charlie watches, amused, and meets Jay’s eyes, shrugging. He had to do what he had to do.
Suddenly Charlie grabs his stomach as blood begins pouring from his shirt. Across the stage, Jay takes the dagger out of his own stomach. Charlie falls to the floor as Vernon shakes his head, hating all of this. Dean’s about had it, and Charlie stares in shock as Jay pulls his tarot cards from his pocket.
“Jay…” Charlie pulls out one of the cursed cards from his own pocket. “You picked these strangers over me?” He falls to the floor, dead, tarot card in hand.
The metal clamps around Sam’s wrists and ankles snap open and Dean falls to the stage, gasping for breath and ripping the rope from around his neck. Sam jumps off the Table of Dean just before the bed of nails slam down through the table. Well that was just a little too close for comfort!
Dean coughs, and Sam asks, “You okay?”
“Yeah,” his brother answers, still on his hands and knees. “Yeah, I’m alright.”
They both look at Jay who is sadly staring down at Charlie’s body.
~*~*~
Jay sits alone at a bar table, shuffling cards, they fall half-heartedly to the table. He doesn’t seem to care. Sam and Dean walk through the door and spot him.
“Hey Jay,” Dean begins, glancing at his brother. “We wanted to thank you for what you did yesterday.”
“I killed my best friend yesterday and you want to thank me?” Jay lets out a sad laugh, and Sam and Dean nod. Good point.
“Where’s Vernon?” Sam finally asks.
“Ah he’s gone,” Jay answers wearily. “Said he didn’t want to speak to me again after what I did to Charlie.”
“Listen Jay,” Dean says, trying to make him feel better about it. “You know Charlie was never gonna give up what he was doing. Ever. You did the right thing.”
“You sure about that?” Jay asks sharply. “You know, Charlie was like my brother. And now he’s dead…Because I did the right thing.” Jay stumbles to his feet. “He offered me a gift and I just threw it back in his face! So now I have to spend the rest of my life old and alone.” He finishes his drink and asks, “What’s so right about that?”
He stumbles for the door, and the same girl from before calls, “Jay.” He turns around to see what she wants. She smiles. “Your cards.”
Sam and Dean look at him and he wearily answers, “Throw ‘em away,” before leaving, alone and miserable.
Sam and Dean feel his pain. After a moment, Dean finally says, “I don’t know about you, but I could go for a beer.”
Sam swallows hard then tells his brother that he’s going to go take a walk. Dean stares at him a second, but doesn’t say anything as Sam leaves.
~*~*~
Outside, Sam walks up to a car. “Okay, I’m in.”
Ruby looks up from behind the wheel. “What changed your mind?”
Sam get in and stares at the dashboard. “I don’t want to be doing this when I’m an old man.”
They drive off.
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Sammy noooo! Argh! *flops wearily onto keyboard* Poor guy. *sniff* Sad ending aside, I love that Sam was into magic when he was a kid. Haha And Dean’s reaction to Jay’s Table of Death and “The Chief”? Classic!
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