Supernatural: Changing Channels
March 4th 2010 19:01
The Trickster lands Sam and Dean in TV land, where they're forced to "play the game". What game? Their roles. As long as they go with whatever show they're in--be it a Grey's Anatomy spoof where Sam has to preform a surgery on his brother, a Japanese Game show where Dean suddenly speaks Japanese, or one of those awful procedural dramas where they have to wear sunglasses at night. Cas pops in every once in a while to try and get them out, but The Trickster keeps sending him away. When The Trickster shows up in a sitcom that seems to go on forever, he finally tells them that this is more than just to annoy them. He wants them to play their roles in life--as in "Dean as Michael. Sam as Lucifer." Both boys refuse, and he tells them that they're going to be trapped in TV land forever then. He blinks out, and as they're whisked away to the CSI spoof (which Dean really hates), they try and take out The Trickster with a wooden stake. It appears to work, but when Dean exits the warehouse they'd been in the whole time, he can't find Sam. When he gets in his car to call his brother, Sam's voice answers him, but neither of them know where he is. Sam suddenly realizes that he doesn't think they killed The Trickster. Why? Because he's now the Impala. They drive around until they come up with another play, Dean steps out, shouts that they're ready to deal, and The Trickster shows up. Dean orders him to turn Sam back to normal before they go on, and they trap The Trickster with holy oil. That's right, they realized when they saw him talk to Cas--The Trickster isn't a Trickster at all. He's an angel. Gabriel to be exact. Gabriel is fed up with the whole Apocalypse thing already, the fighting between his brothers, and regardless of which side wins, just wants it to be OVER. He tells Sam and Dean that they can try and fight it all they want, but it's in their blood, their destiny. Whether they like it or not, he says they'll say yes. The brothers get Cas back, Gabriel asks if they're just going to leave him in the burning holy oil for the rest of eternity, and Dean answers, "No. We're not. Because we don't srew with people the way you do. And for the record? This isn't about some prize fight between your brothers, or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about you bein' too afraid to stand up to your family!" Turning with Sam and Cas to head out, Dean hits the lever for the fire sprinklers. "Don't say I never did anything for you!" Dean, Sam, and Cas walk outside to the Impala. Sometimes it'd be nice if life really was a tv show.
Sam : What are you watching?
Dean : Some kind of hospital show. "Dr. Sexy, M.D." It's based on a book.
Sam : [laughs] When did you hit menopause?
Dean : It's called channel surfing!
~*~*~
Dean : Just desserts. Sweet tooth. Screwin' with people before you kill 'em... We're dealin' with the Trickster aren't we?
Sam : Sure looks like.
Dean : Good. Been wantin' to gank that mother since Mystery Spot.
~*~*~
Dean : We're *in* "Dr. Sexy, M.D." Dude, what the hell?
Sam : I don't know.
Dean : Seriously, what the hell!
Sam : I don't know!
Dean : One theory, any theory!
Sam : Uh, the Trickster trapped us in TV Land.
Dean : That's your theory? That's stupid!
~*~*~
Sam : Dean, how can this possibly be real?
Dean : I don't know, all right! Oh, but there goes Dr. Wang, the sexy but arrogant heart surgeon. And there's Johnny Drake. Well, he's not even alive, he's a ghost in the mind of... of her. The sexy but neurotic doctor over there.
Sam : So... this show has ghosts? Why?
Dean : I don't know. It is compelling.
Sam : I thought you said you weren't a fan.
Dean : I'm not. I'm not! Oh boy...
Sam : What?
Dean : It's him.
Sam : Who?
Dean : It's him, it's Dr. Sexy!
~*~*~
Dean : (notices the doctor's shoes, slams him against the wall) You're not Dr. Sexy.
Dr. Sexy: You're crazy.
Dean : Really? Because I swore part of what makes Dr. Sexy sexy, is the fact that he wears cowboy boots. Not tennis shoes!
Sam : Yeah, you're not a fan...
Dean : It's a guilty pleasure!
~*~*~
(After Dean’s been shot in the Grey’s Anatomy spoof)
Dean : (lying face-down on the table) Sam! Do somethin', come on!
Sam : I don't know how to use any of this crap!
Dean : Figure it out! Sam! Come on, I'm waiting!
Sam : Okay, um, I need a... penknife, some dental floss, a sewing needle, and a fifth of whiskey! (Everyone just looks at him) Stat!
~*~*~
Game Show Host: No no no no. Mr. Trickster does not like pretty-boy angels!
~*~*~
Dean : All right, you know what? I'm done with the monkey dance. 'Kay? We get it.
Trickster: Yeah? Get what, Hot Shot?
Dean : Playing our roles, right? That's your game?
Trickster: That's half the game.
Sam : What's the other half?
Trickster: Play your roles…OUT THERE.
Dean : What's that supposed to mean?
Trickster: Oh you know! Sam, starring as Lucifer! Dean, starring as Michael! You're Celebrity Deathmatch! Play your roles!
~*~*~
Sam : We need to talk to you. We need your help.
Trickster: Hmmm. Lemme guess. You two mutton-heads broke the world, and you want me to sweep up your mess.
~*~*~
Dean : Heaven or Hell, which side you on?
Trickster: I'm not on either side.
~*~*~
Sam : You gotta calm down.
Dean : Calm down? I am wearing SUNGLASSES at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags! I HATE this game! I hate that we're in a procedural cop show, and you want to know why? Because I HATE procedural cop shows! There's like three hundred of 'em on television, they're all the freakin' same, it's "ooh, a plane crashed here," oh shut up!
~*~*~
Dean : Sam? Where are you? (on his way out to the Impala, calling Sam) Sam, it's me. (gets in Impala) Where the hell did you go?
Sam : Dean?
(Dean looks around, the car is empty)
Dean : Sam? Where are you?
Sam : I don't know. (voice coming from the Knight Rider-like consule on the dashboard) Oh crap. I don't think we killed the Trickster.
~*~*~
(Dean rummages in Impala/Sam’s trunk)
Sam : Dean?
Dean : What?
Sam : That, uh, feels really... uncomfortable.
(Dean slams the trunk lid down)
Sam : Ow.
~*~*~
Sam : Should I honk?
~*~*~
Trickster: Wow. Sam, get a load of the rims on you.
Sam : Eat me.
Trickster: Okay, boys. Ready to go quietly?
Dean : Whoa, whoa, whoa, not so fast. Nobody's goin' anywhere until Sam has opposable thumbs.
~*~*~
Trickster: Where'd I screw up?
Sam : You didn't. Nobody gets the jump on Cas like you did.
Dean : Mostly it was the way you talked about Armageddon.
Trickster: Meaning?
Dean : Well, call it personal experience, but nobody gets that angry unless they're talkin' about their own family.
Sam: So which one are you? Grumpy, Sneezy or Douchey?
Trickster: Gabriel, okay? They call me Gabriel.
~*~*~
Dean : Okay, Gabriel. How does an Archangel become a trickster?
Trickster: My own, private, witness protection. I skipped outta Heaven, had a face transplant, carved out my own little corner of the world. 'Til you two screwed it all up.
Dean : And what'd Daddy say when you ran off and joined the pagans?
Trickster: Daddy doesn't say anything about anything.
Sam : Then what happened? Why'd you ditch?
Dean : Well do you blame him? I mean his brothers are heavy-weight douche-nozzles.
Trickster: Shut your cake-hole! You don't know anything about my family. I LOVED my father, and my brothers. Loved them! But watching them turn on each other? Tear at each other's throats? I couldn't bear it! Okay? So I left. And now it's happening all over again.
Sam : Then help us stop it!
Trickster: It can't be stopped!
Dean : You want to see the end of the world?
Trickster: I want it to be *over*! I have to sit back and watch my brothers kill each other, thanks to you two! Heaven, Hell, I don't care who wins! I just want it to be over!
Sam : It doesn't have to be like that! There has to be some way to, to pull the plug!
Trickster: (laughing) Oh-ho-ho-ho, you do NOT know my family. What you guys call the Apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner! That's why there's no stopping this. Because this isn't about a war, it's about two brothers who loved each other, and betrayed each other! You think you'd be able to relate!
Sam : What're you talkin' about?
Trickster: (looks from one brother to the other, whistles) You sorry sonsabitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it! Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father. And Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan. You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was ALWAYS you! As it is in Heaven, so it must be on Earth! One brother has to kill the other.
Dean : So what the hell are you saying?
Trickster: Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always.
Dean : No. That's not gonna happen.
Trickster: (sadly) I'm sorry. But it is. Guys. I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow. But this is real. And it's gonna end bloody for all of us. That's just how it's gotta be.
~*~*~
Trickster: So, boys, now what? Stare at each other for the rest of eternity?
Dean : Well first of all you're gonna bring Cas back from wherever you stashed him.
Trickster: Oh am I?
Dean : Yeah. Or we're going to dunk you in some holy oil, and deep-fry ourselves an archangel!
(Gabriel snaps his fingers and Cas appears, injured, but alive)
Dean : Cas, you okay?
Castiel: (glaring at the archangel) I'm fine. Hello Gabriel.
Trickster: Hey bro. How's the search for Daddy going? Let me guess: awful.
Dean : Okay, we're outta here. C'mon Sam.
Trickster: Uh... okay. Hey, guys? So, so what? Huh? You're just gonna, you're gonna leave me here forever?
Dean : No. We're not. Because we don't srew with people the way you do. And for the record? This isn't about some prize fight between your brothers, or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about you bein' too afraid to stand up to your family!
Dean : (pulling the fire extinguisher lever, putting out the holy fire) Don't say I never did anything for you!
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