House: Painless
October 1st 2009 22:26
Cuddy stresses over being a new parent and the caseworker coming to check her out. House deals with a broken pipe (which he refuses to believe is his fault) and some major water problems in his apartment. Foreman thinks he and Thirteen shouldn’t date while she’s going through her trial, and they all have to deal with a patient who is in so much pain he just wants to die.
*Cuddy hands Kutner Joy's dirty diaper*
House: If you want a man to take your crap you have to marry him first.
Cuddy: Or employ him.
~*~*~
Cuddy: House, I’ve got a DYFS visit on Friday.
House: I’ve got a W-H-O-R-E visit on…
Cuddy: Momma’s busy. You two are gonna have to go play outside for awhile.
~*~*~
House: This is the favor? I was expecting something involving whipped cream and tongue depressors.
~*~*~
House: Proving that you're a better mom than a homeless drug addict.
~*~*~
House: Gotta let the phone ring more than four times when you're calling a cripple.
~*~*~
House: No rush; already bathed once this week, wouldn't want to look elitist.
~*~*~
House: Yeah, because I'm clearly a guy who likes to knock out a few naked pull-ups before I greet the day.
~*~*~
Taub: Sane people don't attempt suicide.
Kutner: Not ever? So. if you were being burnt at the stake and someone handed you a gun---?
Taub: I'd shoot the guys with the torches.
~*~*~
Kutner: So, who do you know who committed suicide?
Taub: Hemingway, Goebbels, Romeo and Juliet.
Kutner: Your Mom? Dad?
Taub: Saying I wouldn't do it under any circustances means my whole family was suicidal?
Kutner: No. But categorically insisting there are no circumstances means you've got baggage--personal betrayal, abandonment--
Taub: Just because you grew up in a Charles Dickens novel—
Kutner: It's people like me who don't do it. When your life sucks from the beginning, there's no where to go but up.
~*~*~
House: Scent of a man. I realize you've never experienced it sober.
~*~*~
House: You want a man to put his finger there, gonna have to marry him first.
~*~*~
House: Foreteen's right.
~*~*~
Taub: Assuming you're right.
House: Yes, I find it confusing to assume otherwise.
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