House: Last Resort
September 17th 2009 19:33
Special extended episode. One of my favorites of the season.
House is busy messing with Cuddy’s desk drawer as patients wait outside impatiently.
Fed up with going to doctors and not finding any answers, a man, Jason, takes House, Thirteen, and a bunch of patients hostage in the hospital. Pulling out his gun, he orders House to diagnose him, insisting that someone else take all the medicine that House wants to give him first so he can see if it’s a trick. Deciding that she’s the best candidate to try out all the medicine (seeing as how she’s dying anyway), Thirteen volunteers. House tries to stop her every step of the way, but she stubbornly just grabs the syringes and injects herself. Jason insists that only Dr. Cuddy bring in all the medication, and eventually has to start giving up hostages to get it. When it becomes clear that he needs to get to radiology because there’s no hope of getting a CT scan in Cuddy’s office, Jason ties up all the remaining hostages around him and they walk down together. The SWAT team follows.
Inside radiology, House does the scan. Unfortunately, Jason’s gun is messing up the reading. He talks Jason into giving him a gun and does the scan. All but one of the hostages leave. When the scan doesn’t show anything, House and his team discover that the man had been to Florida, which does count as a tropical climate where Jason could have picked up Melioidosis. All this trouble, and all Jason needs is three grams of ceftazidime. He agrees to give up House for the meds, but House realizes that he’s going to give Thirteen the ceftazidime and refuses to leave, insisting that taking the medicine will destroy her kidneys. Thirteen and Jason booth order House out.
House walks out and the drugs are brought in. As Jason gets ready to give her the last drug, Thirteen suddenly realizes that she doesn’t want to die. She begs Jason not to give it to her, shouting over and over again that she doesn’t want to die. Jason grabs the syringe and injects himself just as the SWAT team blows the doors down.
House limps over to Thirteen and rolls her over as the cops rush in to cuff and take Jason out. He’s surprised to find her alive, and when he asks why she is, she tells him that Jason didn’t make her take the drugs.
House stands in the lobby watching the SWAT team take Jason out. He catches Jason’s eye, puts his hand on his diaphragm and takes a deep breath. Taking the hint, Jason straightens and takes in a deep breath. House gives him a barely perceptible nod and Jason smiles. He’s gotten his answer.
Later on, Cuddy walks in to her office and finds it a mess thanks to Jason and the hostage situation. House wanders in to tell her that tests confirmed melioidosis. Cuddy responds, “Is that all you care about? A moron storms the clinic, bullies his way into life without parole, you enabling him every step.” House simply answers, “If he hadn't done what he did, he'd be dead. Good thing you enabled my every medical move.” They argue about whether she would have handled the situation differently if he hadn’t been in there. Cuddy insists that “This is why you and I can't be a… thing.”
“ If you're suggesting that you screwed up because of a non-relationship with me,” House answers. “I don't know how I can help you. 'Cause the only change you can make from a non-relationship is…”
“You want a relationship?”
“God, no,” House answers. “Just trying to follow your logic.”
Cuddy stares at him for a second, then he begins to leave. House hesitates slightly at the sound of her opening the desk drawer he was booby-trapping before this whole hostage thing broke out. He listens to the drawer break apart, everything falling out, grins and heads out.
Jason: Excuse me, I'm looking for Dr. Cuddy.
House: Well, she's either not here, or she's under the desk. Either way, you're gonna have to wait outside until I'm finished.
*Jason starts to leave, turns back.*
Jason: Do you know when she'll be back?
House: Yes, which is why I need you to get out and leave me alone.
~*~*~
House: That's a bathroom you're barricading. It might come in handy, especially since you've cleverly decided to take a bunch of sick people hostage.
~*~*~
House: You really think that reenacting "Dog Day Afternoon" is the best way to get diagnosed? I'm sure you've been waiting for hours in an uncomfortable chair, but you should watch the movie all the way through.
Jason: I've been to 16 doctors in the last two years. Had three full-body CTs and two MRIs, seven blood panels, and one homeopathic consult.
House: And all that was missing was the threat of violence.
~*~*~
Bill: Excuse me, my wife feels sick to her stomach.
House: Next time pack some heat, and maybe we'll look into it.
~*~*~
House: *answering phone* Crime scene!
~*~*~
House: *answering cell phone* Joe's Bar and Grill.
~*~*~
House: First rule of triage: Guys with guns go first. Next!
~*~*~
Bowman: No more meds, Jason, and no deliveries without something in return. You've gotta give us a hostage.
Jason: You can have two.
Bowman: Great. Then I'll send an officer right in with the transfer.
Jason: Everything gets brought in by Dr. Cuddy.
Bowman: Jason, I'm not gonna let her do that.
House: First — don't use his name so much. It doesn't sound reassuring, it just sounds creepy. Second — come on, he's not gonna shoot the one person he trusts to bring in his medication. He's gonna shoot the hostages if she doesn't bring it in.
Bowman: I'll get back to you.
~*~*~
House: *talking through syringe cap in his mouth* Anybody here got a long-standing case of neuralgia that's killed their nerves so this won't hurt at all?
~*~*~
Kutner: Found a picture of his mom. She's got a droopy eye, fat face, thick neck.
Cameron: Classic signs of an upper-lobe tumor.
House: Or she's just ugly.
~*~*~
Jason: What are you doing?
House: I am going to try to strangle you faster than you can pull a trigger.
~*~*~
Jason: If it's cancer, there must be a test.
House: You just did it.
Jason: What about an X-ray or something?
House: Good idea. Oh, damn. I left my CT machine in my other pants.
~*~*~
Bowman: Is he lying?
Cuddy: Why would he do that?
Bowman: Over time, hostages start to root for the captor.
Cuddy: House isn't the rooting kind.
Bowman: No, he's the obsessive, defiant kind.
~*~*~
House: I can't decide which is riskier, taking crazy risks or taking advice on crazy risks from a crazed risk-taker.
~*~*~
Bowman: Negotiation's over.
House: It will be as soon as you get us three grams of ceftazidime.
Bowman: He comes out, he gets all the medicine he wants.
Jason: You can have Dr. House.
House: *ends call* Why are you getting rid of me?
Jason: I need to trade you for the answer.
House: You're gonna give her the meds.
Jason: No…
House: Come on, give 'em to me instead.
Jason: She's taken everything I've taken. The combination of meds could knock me out.
House: Her kidneys are failing. You give her those drugs, she'll be dead by the time they get the cuffs on you.
Jason: I need my answer.
House: Your obsession is gonna kill her!
Jason: Your obsession gave me back the gun! *points the gun at House*
House: It is pointless to give her those drugs. Even if they are screwing with you, this is your last diagnosis.
Jason: Only if you're right.
Thirteen: House, get out of here.
House: Shut up. I'm not leaving.
Thirteen: Who's the martyr now? Either the drugs kill me or he kills me. Doesn't seem to make a lot of difference.
~*~*~
[b]Thirteen: I don't want to die! I don't want to die!
~*~*~
House: Why are you still alive?
Thirteen: He didn't make me take it.
~*~*~
House: Test confirmed melioidosis. Easy to miss on a stain. *picks up cane* Scans and X-rays vary widely.
Cuddy: Is that all you care about? A moron storms the clinic, bullies his way into life without parole, you enabling him every step.
House: If he hadn't done what he did, he'd be dead. Good thing you enabled my every medical move. *steps toward her*
Cuddy: You think I handled this differently because you were in here?
House: I don't know. Let's try it again without me.
Cuddy: This is why you and I can't be a… thing.
*walks back behind her desk.*
House: If you're suggesting that you screwed up because of a non-relationship with me, I don't know how I can help you. 'Cause the only change you can make from a non-relationship is…
Cuddy: You want a relationship?
House: God, no. Just trying to follow your logic.
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