Meggie
DreamboatAmy84
LilithGrey’s Anatomy: I Will Follow You Into the Dark
November 11th 2009 22:41
After learning that more of his patients have died than survived, Derek goes into a deep depression and decides to quite, despite Meredith and everyone else’s attempts at stopping him. Meanwhile, Bailey and The Chief duke it out over the attending vs. peds thing, even bringing Adele in to mediate, and Izzie’s interns finally diagnose “Patient X”, not knowing that Patient X is actually Izzie.
Meredith (VO): Every surgeon I know, has a shadow. A dark cloud of fear and doubt, that follows even the best of us into the OR. We pretend the shadow isn't there. Hoping that if we save more lives, master harder techniques, run faster and farther, it'll get tired and give up the chase. But, like they say, you can't outrun your shadow.
~*~*~
Meredith: How'd it go with the lawyers?
Derek: They told me my death rate. (looks at small pile) These are the people I saved. (looks at big pile) These are the people I killed.
Meredith: Okay. Well most of those people were terminal when they came to you. You were their last chance, and you take on impossible cases. Look at the clinical trial.
Derek: It's just so many people. More than Dahmer, Mason, and Bundy combined.
Meredith: You're not looking at the big picture.
Derek (points to the big stack of files): This is the big picture.
~*~*~
Meredith: What's this Patient X thing that's taking all the interns?
Cristina: When's it going to be over? I need minions to do all my crap work.
Alex: It's some new teaching thing.
Cristina: We're all killing ourselves to get into the OR. When's the last time Izzie held a scalpel? She's falling behind. She's like the new O'Malley.
Alex: Izzie's nothing like O'Malley.
George: Hello.
~*~*~
Izzie: Maybe Cristina's right. Maybe trying to teach the interns is pointless.
George: Please. Don't listen to Cristina. She thinks just because you'd rather teach than take out a gall bladder, that you're the new me.
Izzie (laughing): O'Malley, the sequel.
George (laughing): O'Malley 2.0.
Izzie: You read more journals and do more research, and log more hours in the skills lab than any other resident here. You never give up on trying to be a better doctor, and you don't step on other people to do it. I would be lucky to be the new you.
~*~*~
Alex: You want me to sit here and babysit the band nerd? That's an intern job.
Owen: I don't see any interns around.
~*~*~
Ryan: Whoa, whoa, wait wait. Liver enzymes are normal. Cardiac work up is negative.
Steve: If LDH is false positive...
Ryan: It's a trick question.
Izzie: What?
Steve: She's fine. Patient X is fine.
Izzie (sighs): She's not fine.
Lexie: Okay well her SED rate is slightly elevated. Do we check for auto-immune disease?
Ryan: Yeah, ANA and CRP were negative too. At worst she's got an anxiety disorder. The girl is totally fine!
Izzie: She is not fine! She had hallucinations. She had visual, auditory and tactile hallucinations about her dead fiance. She thought she could talk to him, and touch him. She's not fine. She's not fine. You're missing something. You're not looking in the right places. Go back and figure out what you're missing.
~*~*~
Lexie: We have a diagnosis.
Izzie: Go ahead, Dr. Grey.
Lexie: Patient X. An elevated LDH was our only clue. And then we found out that she had enlarged lymph nodes, and a suspicious mole which was biopsied. Meanwhile, this MRI with contrasts showed a MET on her right temporal lobe. The biopsy reveled dividing cells. That coupled with further staging tests, lead to our final diagnosis of metastatic melanoma, with MET's to the liver, skin and brain.
Izzie: Your prognosis?
Lexie: With chemo, and radiation, um, a few months.
Ryan: At best, girl's pretty much toast.
Steve: Survival rate's 5 percent. If I were her, I'd go on a really good vacation. (they all start talking over each other)
Izzie: Good job everybody.
Pierce: That's it?
Graziella: After the last contest, we got a prize.
Steve: Yeah, what's our prize?
Izzie: You think every time you diagnose a patient and hand someone a death sentence, there's a prize? The prize is, you didn't screw it up this time. The prize is, you people actually did something right. The prize is, you were doctors today. You were doctors. That is the prize!
~*~*~
Lexie: I learned a lot today. Diagnosing a patient from beginning to end. So, thank you for teaching us.
Izzie: What would you say? To patient X. How would you... How would you break the news?
Lexie: Um, I would say that I was very sorry, and that there were support groups. Th... I ... I don't know. What do you say to somebody whose, whose gonna...
Izzie: You say, they have a choice. They can runaway and hide from it, or they can face it. You say they need to be around the people who love them, because it's gonna be the toughest fight of their life, and no one should have to do it alone. And then you give them the odds. And even though a 5 percent survival rate is bad, it's really bad. You say.... you say....
Lexie: Screw the odds! People die of the hiccups. My mother died of the hiccups. Survival rate for that is what... 100 percent? The odds are that she should be alive right now. The odds are... The odds mean crap! So people should face it and they should fight. ... Maybe not those words.
Izzie: No. Exactly those words. Thank you Dr. Grey.
~*~*~
Meredith: And he just walked out. Without saying a word, he just walked out!
Cristina: Hunt won't even look at me, since he went all Apocalypse Now on me this morning.
Meredith: He had to get all scalpel happy up in that patients brain, and now he can't face it!
Cristina: He thinks I'm what? This wilting flower? Well guess what, I'm the strong one.
Meredith: Oh my god! I'm the strong one.
Cristina: You see, if I had that stomach cancer gene, I would get that gastrectomy no problem. I face things, I don't walk away.
Meredith: Derek walks away. Maybe walking away is the answer?
Cristina: See it's not emotional, it's science. You have a problem, don't ignore it.
Meredith: Well, sometimes if you have to pee and you ignore it, it does go away.
Izzie (laughs): You guys are hilarious! I mean do you even know what she just said? Or what she just said? (Meredith and Cristina look at each other) I can totally see you guys in 50 years, at a nursing home, just talking at each other with your hearing aids off. (laughs) Hi-larious! Ah, I love lunch.
~*~*~
Cristina (after she wakes Owen up and he startles and pushes her into the shelves accidentally): I once dreamt that I was falling out of the window, and I was holding onto the drapes, and I woke up pulling Meredith's hair out. ... So, we have a trauma coming in, a trampling on a football field--
Owen: I don't need your help.
Cristina: Oh, but I'm on your service today.
Owen: And I'm telling you, Dr. Yang that I want you to take care of that elbow.
Meredith (walks up): There you are. What happened to you?
Cristina: I tripped and fell. It's fine.
Owen: No, it's not. (walks off)
Cristina: It's... nothing. It was an accident. What's wrong with you?
Meredith: Oh, Derek won't get off the couch.
Cristina: SO the weaker sex.
~*~*~
Chief: Where the hell is Shepherd?!
Mark: Uh, you can't rely on Shepherd, sir, is there anything that I can do?
Chief: Well, my neuro surgeon's been missing for days, I still have no head of cardio, I've got general surgeons quitting on me left and right, surgeries piling up on me like dead fish, and no surgeons to do 'em.
Mark: Well, now would probably be a bad time to that my hand is still out of commission and I can't operate. ... You know what? Leave me on the board Chief, and I won't let you down.
Dr. Nelson: I could do that craniotomy, Chief.
Chief: Uh, put Dr. Nelson on the craniotomy. Appreciate it John. (walks off)
Dr. Nelson: It- It's Jim.
Mark: You must be new. Welcome to Seattle Grace.
Dr. Nelson: I've been here for ten years. I was the interim Chief of Neuro until Shepherd and his red cape swooped in from New York.
Mark: Mark Sloan, plastics.
Dr. Nelson: We've met... three times.
~*~*~
Chief: Oh, Shepherd! Thank god your back. Can you swing two brain biopsies today?
Derek: I'm not operating.
Chief: Look, I know you've got a big law suit breathing down your neck, and I know you lost a patient. But, I need you back to work doing the job I hired you to do.
Derek: I'm not operating! (starts walking off)
Chief: I'm not asking, I'm telling, as Chief surgeon of this hospital, if you don't get back in that OR today Shepherd... (Derek just keeps walking)
~*~*~
Izzie: Look at you, with your stethoscope around your neck. Charting. I can totally see you in ten years. A little salt and pepper in your hair, a big shot attending. You're gonna be a rock star Alex.
Alex: What is this?
Izzie: What? I can't fantasize about my boyfriend and his bright, bright future?
(they kiss)
Alex: Shut up.
~*~*~
Callie: It's still swollen. I'd give it another day of rest.
Mark: I haven't operated in 3 days.
Callie: Don't hit people with your scalpel hand. Have you talked to him yet?
Mark: He threw the first punch.
Callie: You did catch him at a bad time.
Mark: So he lost a patient, boo hoo. We're surgeons. We're men. We lose patients. It doesn't give him the right to go around behaving like a drunk frat boy. Now I'm supposed to go crawling back begging for his forgiveness? (Callie sees Arizona walking by, and shushes Mark, and hides behind him) Wh-What are you doing?
Callie: I went all... say anything on the peds surgeon, in front of the peds surgeons date, so now I am hiding from the peds surgeon.
Mark: Mature.
Callie: Uh, you got in a fist fight. No judging.
~*~*~
Mark (to the Chief): Well, it wasn't easy. Not only did I push through my harelip reconstruction and a tympioplasty but I pulled out a burn graft so beautiful it could bring a grown man to tears.
~*~*~
Adele: Out of all the petty, ridiculous, infantile-- Are you running a hospital here or a playground?
Chief: Adele, I won't be spoken to in that--
Adele: Hospital or playground, Richard?!
Chief (sighs); Hospital.
Adele: Well, then start actin' like the Chief of a hospital and (motions to Bailey)apologize to that woman right now.
Chief (mutters, and doesn't turn around to face Bailey): Sorry.
Adele: You call that an apology? Now you better not leave this room until the two of you have worked this out. Because if I have to drag myself down here through rush hour traffic again, to police this damn jungle gym--
Chief: Adele, you've made your point. (Adele goes to leave and sees Bailey with a huge smirk on her face)
Adele: And you wipe that smile off your face, you're no better. Tattling on a man to his wife.
~*~*~
Chief: You told Adele on me?
Bailey: You stopped speaking to me, sir. That didn't exactly leave me many options. I'd like to know if you'd have reacted like this if I left general surgery for neuro or cardio?
Chief: I don't follow.
Bailey: Or is it because you regard peds as a soft specialty? Is that what's bothering you?
Chief: Oh, that's ridiculous.
Bailey: Well, maybe, but it seems to me that every time I do something that you perceive as soft, like havin' a baby, takin' some time off to see my baby, specializing in babies, I'm dead to you. You wanna know what I think, sir?
Chief: Not particularly.
Bailey: I think that you're scared that you've gone soft. You blame this whole hospitals decline on it. And you wanna know what I think about that?
Chief: You're gonna tell me anyway.
Bailey: It's not doin' one bit of good. I mean, surgeons are still droppin' like dominoes around here. So, maybe it's time that you got in touch with your feminine side. Maybe , um, you need a little soft.
Chief: ... You still shouldn't have ratted me out.
Bailey: Sorry.
Chief: Me, too
~*~*~
Owen: You did a hell of a job today. The Chief is gonna hear about it.
Arizona: Pretty impressive for a resident. You fix that attitude of yours, you could be the future of this hospital. The one to watch. ... You go Karev!
~*~*~
(Derek is sitting on the couch, looking awful, and eating cereal in a mess of empty containers, and papers. They are all looking at him from the hallway)
Alex: Dude, he's fried.
Meredith: He is not fried. He lost a patient and got hit with a lawsuit all in the all in one week. He just needs time.
Alex: He's been sitting there for three days. The sofa cushions are gonna start bonding to his ass, and he's eating all of my cereal.
Izzie: He's taking stock. Something huge and life-altering happened to him, and he's taking stock, figuring out his next move. We shouldn't judge him, we shoudn't rush him.
Alex: Whatever. Sylbia Plath's picking out all of the marshmellows. They're the best part!
Lexie: And I'm pretty sure that he's sitting on me keys. I'd ask him to move but he looks so... comfy.
Meredith: Oh, you guys are cowards. (walks over to Derek) Hey. You're eating, that's good. Appetite is good. You know what else is good? Showering, cleansing, water. Are you thinking that you'll shower, maybe go into the hospital?
Derek: I have to, for the deposition. I have to go and explain in detail how I killed a man's pregnant wife.
Meredith: That's good. I-I mean, not the k-killing part but the-- I- I think you'll feel better once... you go to... work. (Derek sighs and gets up off the sofa, and walks over to the others and slams the cereal box in Alex's chest) He'll be fine.
~*~*~
Alex: Izz! they said I could do the distal anastomosis on my own.
Izzie: That's awesome!
Alex: That's crazy. They just told me I could be the future of this hospital. That I'm the resident to watch. And that's... I mean... I'm not the kinda guy who. I don't rise okay, I sink to the bottom. And now I'm getting all this, all this respect. And you... you gotta-- you gotta stop wasting all your time with this patient X crap.
Izzie: Alex--
Alex: I- I know you like teaching and that's great, but you need to start treating real patients, with real surgeries. Because once they see you as weak, it's over. And Izz, you can be a great surgeon. We could be great together. You just, you gotta stop screwing around. Because I don't wanna be the future of this hospital if you're not there with me, okay?
Izzie: Okay. (Alex starts to walk off) Alex!
Alex (stops): What? (Izzie kisses him)
~*~*~
Chief: I know I have no business asking you for anything, but I need your help. I need you to bring Derek back. And he's not fine.
Meredith: Sometimes people just wanna be left alone.
Chief: ... He's planning to propose. He's been carrying around a big ring for weeks. That's not a man who wants to be left alone. I just thought you should know.
~*~*~
Owen: What are you doing?
Cristina: Assigning myself to a trauma with you tomorrow.
Owen: Cristina.
Cristina: You know, I'm a big girl. I can handle my share of trauma, and I get to decide when I've had enough. It's gonna take a lot more than a bad dream to scare me off.
Owen: It's more than a bad dream.
Cristina: ... I know.
~*~*~
Lexie: Yes, the odds are against us. I'm a one woman wrecking ball, all I do is break you. Your hand, your penis, your relationships, your life. I'd say our survival rate is about 3 percent. And that's-- that's, that's bad. But, it's not nothing. And I don't think we should give up on this. At least not yet because... (Mark puts a finger to her lips to stop her) Okay.
Mark: You think you broke me Little Grey? ... You're the one that put me back together.
~*~*~
Meredith: You cleaned all of your clothes out of the closet at the house.
Derek: Go home, Mer. Just go home.
Meredith: Well, how long are you planning on hiding out here? Because that's what you're doing. You're hiding. You made a mistake, she's dead and you can't hide from that.
Derek: I'm not hiding. I'm done. I'm done operating. (starts hitting the empty beer cans with the baseball bat)
Meredith: Oh, okay. So you're just quitting?
Derek: You should understand better than anybody else. You wrote the book on quitting. Running, hiding, you've written a lot of books Meredith. (hits another beer can)
Meredith: That may be true. But I'm here now.
Derek: Oh, hmm, you're here now? (scoffs) You've wanted me out since the day I moved in.
Meredith: That is not true.
Derek: Because you're incapable of anything that resembles commitment. You lied to me, you said you were healthy. That you were healed. There's no fixing you, you're a lemon. (hits another beer can)
Meredith: Derek Shepherd you are drunk! And you're angry, and I've been there so I get it. But that does not give you the right...
Derek: Just go home Meredith.
Meredith: You don't get to just stand here and tell me to leave.
Derek: This is what you want, I'm giving you an out. Go.
Meredith: I'm not going anywhere.
Derek: I said leave! Meredith, leave!
Meredith: ... I know there's a ring.
Derek : What?
Meredith: The Chief told me. I know there's a ring.
Derek: You want the ring? Here's your ring. (takes out the box, takes the ring out of it and hits it with baseball bat, then throws the bat on the ground and walks into the trailer)
Meredith: Is that the best you've got? 'Cause I'm not bailing, we're in this together!
Derek: Go home, Meredith!
~*~*~
Meredith (VO): Every surgeon has a shadow. And the only way to get rid of a shadow,is to turn off the lights. To stop running from the darkness, and face what you fear, head on.
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Also, Meredith asks Christina to read her mother's journals, Christina flirts with Owen, Izzie uses the new interns to run some tests on herself, and The Chief offers Bailey a promotion to attending in general surgery, but she's not so sure she wants to take it . 
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