Glee: (3x06) Mash-off
November 16th 2011 18:13
Sue starts a smear campaign to take down her biggest competitor for the Congressional seat. Meanwhile, Puck has a crush, and Will and Shelby Corcoran encourage some friendly competition.
Sue: Baboons are dangerous killers who throw their own feces when they’re not tearing off people’s faces or admiring their own weird butts.
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Sue: I’m fighting for something. I have a cause. Several, actually. I hate the arts … and a bunch of other stuff.
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Sue: If you want to win, find yourself a cause, my friend. And then start flinging poo. Winning is really about poo-flinging.
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Brittany: A vote for Brittany is a vote for root beer water fountains and robot teachers. And also, listen, Rachel Berry’s still on MySpace and not so fit to lead.
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Kurt: Brittany’s making promises she can’t deliver on. It’s lying, and no one is even on MySpace, not even Rachel.
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Puck: Shelby’s been subbing for Mr. Clipman in Geometry ever since he ate that bad cantaloupe. I know I’m supposed to be learning about grammars and stuff, but all I can think about is what color underwear Miss C. is wearing and if she knows who to dance.
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Puck: I made a list of the reasons we should be together. Number one, you’re hot. Number two, I’m hot. Number three, Beth needs a dad. Why shouldn’t it be her actual dad?
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Puck: I dream about us being together. A real family. Taking stupid pictures for our Hanukkah cards. Renting an RV and all of us hitting Coachella.
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Puck :The age difference isn’t that crazy, just look at Ashton and Demi. Indiana Jones and Ally McBeal. Woody Allen and that Chinese girl.
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Finn: People think Hall and Oates are famous for their cool, puffy hair and that dude’s banging ‘stache.
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Santana: You seriously think that you can out-insult me? I’m from Lima Heights. I was raised on insults. It’s how mi abuela put me to sleep at night, and she is not a nice lady. You know, she tried to sell me once. And it wasn’t ‘til I got to kindergarten that I learned my name wasn’t Garbage Face
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Santana: The Troubletones are 3-F: Fierce, Femme, Phenomenal.
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Brittany: (about Will and Shelby's mashup) Is this what having a stroke feels like, because I like it.
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Brittany: (about Adele) She sounds like what banana cream pie sounds like when it sings.
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Santana: At some point I must’ve liked that you look like a taco addict who’s had one-too-many back-alley liposuctions.
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Principal Figgins: It is against school policy to pass gas into jars to be sold in the cafeteria.
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Brittany: If you honor me with being your next class president, I will make tornadoes illegal at McKinley, keeping you and your families at our school safe from their murderous rampages. Also, on Tuesdays, I pledge to go topless.
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Kurt: Although she knows it to be untrue, my opponent Brittany stated that my face was used as a template for Hasbro’s successful line of My Little Ponies.
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Sue's Campaign Ad Against Burt: Burt Hummel claims he doesn’t have a baboon heart. He also claims he isn’t married to a donkey. Well, which is it Burt Hummel? Baboon heart or donkey bride? Donkey’s have no place in politics. They bite off children’s fingers and pee absolutely anywhere. Do we really need another Washington politician married to a pack animal? Don’t let Burt Hummel make an ass out of you, Ohio.
- New Directions (boys), ‘Hot for Teacher’ (Van Halen)
- Will & Shelby, ‘You and I / You and I’ (Lady Gaga / Eddie Rabbitt & Crystal Gayle)
- New Directions & Trouble Tones, ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot / One Way Or Another’ (Pat Benatar / Blondie)
- Young Sue Sylvester, ‘Oklahoma’ (from Oklahoma!)
- New Directions, ‘I Can’t Go For That / You Make My Dreams’ (Hall & Oates)
- Trouble Tones, ‘Rumour Has It / Someone Like You’ (Adele)
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