Everything I needed to know I learned from: Bones
September 19th 2007 19:50
•It’s not the size that matters; it’s how you use it.
•Nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus.
•Somebody, please, buy a DVD player!
•I don’t know what that means.
•Rangers don’t fear anyone...but Navy Seals are pretty good.
•Putting a frozen pig into a wood chopper equals fun for everyone! Unless, of course, you’re eating a hotdog or standing within a 100 ft. radius.
•Aliens wear loafers and resemble twin boys.
•Eggnog and Valley Fever don’t mix...
•But just in case, better have a decontamination shower big enough to fit two grown men.
•Always bring latex gloves.
•If you’re feeling down and out about your work, just get someone with a deep African-American tone to read you your job description. They’ll change your mind and you may even feel the need to hug them.
•Sea Chimps love infected Spam.
•A liquefied body looks a lot like mustard and ketchup. Mmmmm
•If you’re desperate enough to marry a serial killer, you’ll wind up decapitated with your head in a fridge.
•It’s only okay to go up on two tires when traveling at very high speeds.
•The end of the day should always take place in a Chinese restaurant or Diner…preferably one with huge glass windows providing your enemies with easier targets.
•Your body ducks, whether you want it to or not.
•All pigs should be named Jasper.
•All the best conversations take place while bantering in a car traveling at speeds so high you cannot see the passing scenery.
•If you run out of broadswords, go with propellers instead.
•You can hook up an internet access and videophone anywhere.
•Wild socks, wild ties, and big belt buckles make the man.
•It’s easy to run and/or fight in six inch heels.
•Hodgins is the text message master.
•If you want to be taken seriously, cut off your hair.
•If you want your therapist to sign it, build a barbeque.
•If you want a girl to marry you, spell it out for her in glowing shrimp.
•Don’t shoot a clown head, it will only cause you trouble.
•You will always feel like kicking them after a pursuit—that’s normal, but we try not to do it.
•Beetle racing is the perfect way to spend your Friday night.
•Never ever cut open a severed head without your biohazard mask on.
•All guys want to be pirates.
•The best psychologists have British accents and serve you tea.
•It’s a Guy Hug. Take it.
•If your assistant won’t put the call through, expect to be detained at the airport by Homeland Security while you try to explain the skull in your bag.
•Even if you hate psychology and can’t read people, you can still become a best-selling author.
•If a man asks Brennan out on a date, he’s probably the killer.
•Go easy on the hospital pudding. You never know when you’ll have to sneak out to save your partner after you’ve just been blown up.
•Everyone loves Foreigner’s Hot Blooded. I mean talk about a guilty pleasure.
•Interrogation rooms must be redone to be more aesthetically pleasing.
•Don’t provoke the lunatic.
•Chewing on someone’s arm like some kind of Man Corn won’t make you any stronger.
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