Chuck vs. The Santa Clause
April 16th 2009 20:16
Trying a new recap format out here. Let me know what you think. 
It’s Christmas at the Buy More, and just as Big Mike’s gearing up for some major sales, a high-speed chase sends the bad guy straight into the store. Literally. A man named Ned crashes his car into the store, and takes everyone, including Ellie and Captain Awesome hostage. As Chuck, Sarah, and Casey try to handle the situation without blowing their cover, things get more complicated. Turns out the the negotiator trying to talk Ned into letting everyone go is…wait for it…a Fulcrum Agent!
When Ned, as a favor to Chuck, lets Sarah and Casey (who loses a toe to Ned’s accidental shooting) go, Chuck is stuck inside with a Fulcrum Agent who is going to hurt his sister if he doesn’t come go with them. Turns out bumbling Ned wasn’t so bumbling after all. They know that Chuck is The Intersect.
Meanwhile, Captain Awesome and the Nerd Herders are gearing up to overtake Ned, and Awesome and Ellie argue over what to get each other for Christmas.
Get ready for some major “Die Hard” references, including a familiar face, who turns out to be Big Mike’s cop cousin.
CHUCK: Hey, it sure is quiet around here. Bad guys takin’ a holiday too? Not that I mind, by the way, cuz The Intersect could certainly use some down-time as well. Speaking of which, we have a cover date tomorrow—Christmas at the Bartowski’s!
SARAH: Oh…uh, thanks for the invitation, Chuck, but I don’t do Christmas.
CHUCK: (laughs) I’m sorry, I think you just said, you don’t do Christmas?
SARAH: Look, I’d rather not get into it.
CHUCK: But it’s Christmas! I’m not buying the whole Scrooge act okay? Underneath that spy cover is a regular person just like the rest of us. I mean honestly, how weird could Christmas have been for you?
SARAH: Christmas at the Buton household meant the annual Salvation Army con job.
CHUCK: …Okay, well so--okay so you’re a little different than the rest of us. But Christmas at the Bartowski’s means eggnog, pjs, a fake gas fireplace, and that’s right: Twilight Zone marathons. (pauses, Sarah smiles) I’m not takin’ no for an answer Walker, so prepare to be heartwarmed.
~*~*~
MORGAN: (complaining to Chuck that Anna doesn’t think he’s adult enough, dressed as an elf) That’s ridiculous! Do I not look like an adult to you?
~*~*~
BIG MIKE: (dressed as Santa) Bartowski! Doors open up in an hour. Round up the freaks, have everyone meet me at Santa’s Village, pronto!
~*~*~
BIG MIKE: (addressing his line of employees, dressed as Santa) This is it people! D-Day! You ready for war? You got what it takes?
(Casey adjusts his wrapping paper cut bandages, Big Mike stops in front of Morgan)
BIG MIKE: Take a sniff, Grimes! Tell this band of misfits what you smell.
MORGAN: Absolutely. (sniffs) Uh, coffee, hazel nut maybe? Glazed bear claw (sniffs), cream-filled maybe?
BIG MIKE: I’m not talkin’ about my breakfast, I’m talkin’ about profits! People are lazy. They’ll be lookin’ to purchase last-minute gifts. Which is why we raise our prices 15%.
~*~*~
ELLIE: So my gift to my fiancé is a ticket to death?
~*~*~
TV ANNOUNCER: Wait a minute, it appears the perpetrator has just turned off Burbank Boulevard into a shopping complex. He’s not slowing down-He’s not slowing down! (Car crashes into the Buy More)
~*~*~
NED: (gun aimed) Alright nobody move!
ANNA: Pay up suckers.
CHUCK: Hi, welcome to the Buy More…and Merry Christmas.
~*~*~
NED: Sorry about the entrance, uh, can someone please tell me who’s in charge here?
LESTER, JEEF, and ANNA: Chuck!
~*~*~
CHUCK: (watching Big Mike and Emmett hide) I think we’re safe. The store has a very strict ‘No Bravery’ policy.
~*~*~
CASEY: What’s goin’ on? (Sarah nods to the monitor where Ned is waving a gun around at everyone) Great, I step out of work one time and miss all the fun.
~*~*~
CASEY: Well Nathan picked himself the wrong place to be naughty instead of nice. (pulls out gun) Guess I get to play with my new toy I bought myself for Christmas.
~*~*~
GENERAL BECKMAN: (noticing Casey’s bandaged fingers) Are you okay, Major?
CASEY: Huh? Oh, paper cuts, I’m on gift wrap station right now General.
GENERAL BECKMAN: It’s an electronics store, Major. Not Bosra. Get it under control.
~*~*~
BIG MIKE: (sadly eating a twinky) Why today? You know how much money I’m losin’? All of our shoppers are gonna go to Large Mart.
EMMETT: There there, big man, just eat. Everthing’s gonna be okay.
~*~*~
NED: (gesturing to news on TV) That’s a terrible picture of me.
~*~*~
(Phone rings)
NED: (nervous) Who’s calling?
CHUCK: Um, that’s-that’s probably be the police. Maybe they want to know what’s happening.
NED: Well I don’t want to talk to anyone. Do you think maybe you could answer it?
CHUCK: Yeah, let me just—(picks up phone) Nerd Herd, how can I help you?
~*~*~
CHUCK: He says that you should send out a hostage as a sign of good faith.
EMMETT: (jumps up, runs over) Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!
~*~*~
LESTER: That scoundrel! I bet Bartowski worked out a deal.
JEFF: Yeah. Chuck let Emmett go so he could get better lunch shifts.
~*~*~
JEFF: Guess it’s prison rules now. Every man for himself.
~*~*~
EMMETT: What’s going on inside is—(turns from negotiator to news camera) is the greatest sales event of the season! That’s right, we have got the greatest deals in town on all of your electronic needs.
MAUSER: No, no, no, Emmett, I meant the perp. Is he dangerous?
EMMETT: (laughs) Dangerous? The only thing dangerous is how low we have SLASHED our prices!
BIG MIKE: God bless that man.
~*~*~
CHUCK: I understand that there are rules, but when it comes to family and friends, there’s a time to breath ‘em.
~*~*~
(Ned barges in, freaks out about finding Chuck, Sarah, and Casey, and demands to know what’s going on)
CHUCK: Their harmless, okay? They heard your crash and they hid. This is my girlfriend, Sarah.
SARAH: Hi.
NED: Hi.
CHUCK: And this is John Casey, who’s even more harmless than she is!
NED: John Casey?
(Casey nods)
CHUCK: Ned, please, just uncock the gun.
NED:…Okay. Uh, how do I do that, cuz, uh truth is, I’ve never used one of these before.
CHUCK: Uh, there’s probably a button, like a safety or something like that, just go ahead and push that and—
CASEY: NO!
BAM!
~*~*~
(Casey’s on the floor, holding his foot)
NED: I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry, are you okay? I didn’t mean to shoot you, I promise!
(Casey glares at Chuck. He and Sarah help him up, they join everyone else in the store)
CHUCK: It’s okay everyone, it was a mistake! An accidentally shooting, but Casey is gonna be just fine!
CASEY: Idiot, you owe me a toe, Bartowski.
(Captain Awesome and Ellie finish wrapping Casey’s foot)
ELLIE: You’re gonna be okay John. A lot of people get by with nine toes.
JEFF: I’m getting fine by with eight.
LESTER: How much you think a toe is worth to Casey?
JEFF: Why?
LESTER: Maybe there’s a finder’s fee!
(They go off to look, Casey pulls Chuck down to him)
CASEY: You know what? I survived three wars without so much as losing a fingernail before I met you, Bartowski!
CHUCK: Look, I’m really sorry about your toe, John, but I had the situation under control, you’re the one who scared him!
~*~*~
ELLIE: You okay?
SARAH: I’m just scared. I’ve never been this close to a gun before.
~*~*~
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Big Mike, Morgan, Jeff, Lester, come here. Get over here. (they join him) I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve had enough. This guy’s dangerous and we need to take him out before anyone else gets hurt.
BIG MIKE: He’s right. The store closes at midnight. We’ve got lots of merchandise to move.
MORGAN: Fellas, I don’t know.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Time to be a man, Morgan.
MORGAN: Yeah you know what? I’ll do it, I’m in.
JEFF: So am I.
CHUCK: (joining them) Wait a minute, this is a very very bad idea. Ned shot Casey on accident. He’s not gonna hurt anybody, we need to let the police handle this with it.
CASEY: (overhears, joins them) Chuck’s right, let the cops handle this.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: I know you guys work at a Buy more, but I’m a doctor, okay? I take risks every day. This is a matter of life or death, someone needs to man-up and take action. Someone needs to be a hero.
(Ellie and Sarah join them)
ELLIE: No, they don’t Devon. Being a hero is being alive to take care of your friends and family.
~*~*~
NED: Hey, hey, I feel terrible about shooting your friend’s toe off.
CHUCK: No, no, no, no, no that’s okay. Sometimes I feel like shooting him myself.
~*~*~
CHUCK: (on phone) Everything is just fine. There were shots fired and someone lost he majority of their toe—(Casey shoots him a look)—But besides that, everything’s okay.
~*~*~
CHUCK: He wants to know what your demands are.
NED: Well I don’t know…Uh, I have to think about it.
CHUCK: Can you call back in like, five minutes?
~*~*~
(Ned lets everyone call their families)
CAPTAIN AWESOME: (on phone with Ellie) Hey mom and dad.
ELLIE: Hi guys.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Yeah, everything’s awesome…well, not really, but we’ll be okay.
~*~*~
(Lester dials his phone)
GIRL ON PHONE: Hi there. You have reached the Love Chat Line. Looking to chat with someone special? Press one. (Lester presses one)
~*~*~
GUY: Longmont Correctional Institute.
JEFF: (on phone) Yes, I’d like to speak to prisoner 27318? A.k.a. “Mom”.
~*~*~
BIG MIKE’S COUSIN: Hey Big Mike, how you holdin’ up in there partner?
BIG MIKE: Survivin’, partner. Any shoppers linin’ up out there?
~*~*~
CASEY: (intense look on his face, stealthily whispering behind Christmas tree on phone) Mother? Johhny Boy.
~*~*~
CHUCK: (calls Sarah) I’m in the DVDs. I’m in the romantic comedy section. Although for ironies sake, I should probably be in hostage thrillers.
~*~*~
CHUCK: (putting bracelet on Sarah) It’s good luck. It was my mom’s charm bracelet…My dad gave it to her when Ellie was born.
SARAH: Oh--Chuck, I can’t take this, this is something real. Something that you should give to a real girlfriend.
CHUCK: I know.
~*~*~
NED: Okay, okay, two people can go.
MAUSER: Okay, good, good. What do you say we start with the injured man? He looks like he needs medical attention.
CASEY: Oh no, I’m fine, I’m good. Let Ellie go.
ELLIE: No, no Casey, thank you, but you need to go, your toe could be infected.
(Sarah and Casey exchange a look)
NED: Chuck? You’ve been a good friend to me. So I’m gonna return the favor, I’m gonna let your girlfriend go.
CHUCK: NO!
EVERYONE:…
ELLIE: Chuck?
JEFF: Ouch.
LESTER: Yikes. It’ll be a cold Christmas at the Bartowski’s.
GIRL: Oh no he didn’t.
~*~*~
[/B]MAUSER: (after Chuck flashes on his watch) Hey, don’t worry about it buddy, I’m a pro. Everything’s gonna be just fine. (smiles) Okay?
~*~*~
(EMT runs up with a coat for CASEY)
EMT: Here you go, sir.
CASEY: No, no, that’s okay, that’s okay.
SWAT GUY: You need medical attention, Major.
CASEY: No, I’m fine. Let’s end this.
SWAT GUY: How’s it look in there?
SARAH: Better. Ned seems to have calmed down after he talked to his wife.
CASEY: Yeah. Where is she? How come you didn’t bring her down here?
SWAT GUY: Wife? What wife? There’s no record of Ned being married.
(Sarah and Casey exchange an alarmed look and run off back to Castle)
~*~*~
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Look boys, this guy is tired and frazzled, I say we take him out. Anyone else play ball in college?
BIG MIKE: Played some linebacker.
LESTER: I did not.
MORGAN: I played a lot of Madden on Playstation 3, does that count?
~*~*~
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Alright, listen up, it’s called the picket fence. (Demonstrates with giant fake candy) Big Mike and I will be the flanks, alright? Morgan, you’re the sacrificial lamb. Jeff, Lester? You’re comin’ up from behind.
LESTER: Why are they always comin’ up from behind? It seems…awkward.
~*~*~
CHUCK: Please Devon, if you love Ellie, don’t do this.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Okay Chuck, you win.
MAUSER: Chuck, can I talk to you a minute?
CHUCK: (to Captain Awesome) Remember. Don’t be awesome.
~*~*~
MAUSER: First you and I need to work something out on our own.
CHUCK: I don’t understand.
MAUSER: You see, Fulcrum knows that John Casey is NSA. The yogurt girl’s CIA…We’ve lost enough agents to these two. We knew they were here protecting someone, they just didn’t know who. So we caused a little ruckus, and then inside see who they would rush to protect. Turns out, they were protecting you.
~*~*~
MAUSER: Where’s Bryce Larkin?
CHUCK: I don’t know.
MAUSER: Then I’m really sorry.
CHUCK: But I know where The Intersect is.
MAUSER: Where?
CHUCK: (looks at his sister, then taps his head) It’s right here.
~*~*~
CHUCK: I’m never gonna see my sister again, am I?
MAUSER: No.
CHUCK: Well then would you mind if I say goodbye to her please?
MAUSER: Okay. But, if you say or do anything to call attention to me or your situation, Ned’s gonna shoot her, capiche?
CHUCK: Yeah.
MAUSER: Okay, good. Go ahead.
~*~*~
CHUCK: (hugging his sister) Goodbye Ellie…you know how much I love you, right?
ELLIE: Hey (laughs) hey, cheer up I’ll be okay. You’re acting like you’re never gonna see me again. It’s okay.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: See you in a bit, Chuck.
CHUCK: (hugs him) Listen, there’s a time to be brave and a time to be timid. This is the time to be brave, do it.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Right on, bro.
~*~*~
SARAH: Fulcrum’s got Chuck.
~*~*~
(The guys all huddle and get ready to take over Ned)
ELLIE: I hope they’re not doing anything risky.
ANNA: Morgan’s with them. Trust me, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
(The guys all sneak around, Lester and Jeff grab two giant candy canes, Captain Awesome checks with Big Mike, then gives the signal. Lester and Jeff run forwards, shouting and brandishing their plastic candy canes. Ned swings around and kicks Lester in the face. He falls to the ground, losing his candy cane. Everyone stops, shocked.)
~*~*~
NED: Finally this is getting interesting. Okay, who’s next, you?
(Lester hides behind Captain Awesome)
(Suddenly two eyes blink open underneath the fake snow. Morgan jumps up, using the fake snow blower at Ned as Captain Awesome and Big Mike come in from the sides and bodyslam Ned.)
MORGAN: Anna, did you see that?
(Anna is over with Ellie making sure Lester is okay. She missed the whole thing.)
~*~*~
MAUSER: You may have beaten me Agent Walker, but Fulcrum’s won. I know that Chuck Bartowski’s The Intersect.
SARAH: (gun pointed) Chuck’s secret is safe. And you’re going straight to a CIA detention facility, never to be seen or heard from again.
MAUSER: You go right ahead Agent Walker. Arrest me. But say goodbye to Chuck. You see, I’m not like those other Fulcrum Agents. They’ll do whatever it takes to find me. And when they do? Every Fulcrum agent we have is gonna know that Chuck’s The Intersect. It’s gonna be the end of his pathetic existence.
(Chuck sneaks around to see Sarah with a gun aimed at Mauser)
MAUSER: So take me in Agent Walker, I’m ready to go.
(Sarah stares at him, lowers her gun, then lifts it back up and shoots him. Chuck can only stare at them both in shock.)
~*~*~
MORGAN: (after seeing Lester kiss Anna) Let me ask you something. What do you do when you see your girlfriend do something so horrific it gets permanently burned into your brain?
CHUCK: I don’t know buddy. But I know exactly what you mean.
Chuck gives Sarah his mom’s charm bracelet.
Oh no he didn’t!
Chuck watches Sarah kill.
The hostage situation is over and now it’s Christmas at the Buy More.
I LOVE Christmas episodes. When Morgan pops up with the snow hose and Captain Awesome and Big Mike rush in? hahaha All the Die Hard references are great too. Poor Casey, first the paper cuts and then his toe? LoL! One of my favorite lines were, "Mother?...Johnny Boy."
Poor Chuck and Morgan though, both seeing their girlfriends and taking it out of context. Great episode as usual!
It’s Christmas at the Buy More, and just as Big Mike’s gearing up for some major sales, a high-speed chase sends the bad guy straight into the store. Literally. A man named Ned crashes his car into the store, and takes everyone, including Ellie and Captain Awesome hostage. As Chuck, Sarah, and Casey try to handle the situation without blowing their cover, things get more complicated. Turns out the the negotiator trying to talk Ned into letting everyone go is…wait for it…a Fulcrum Agent!
When Ned, as a favor to Chuck, lets Sarah and Casey (who loses a toe to Ned’s accidental shooting) go, Chuck is stuck inside with a Fulcrum Agent who is going to hurt his sister if he doesn’t come go with them. Turns out bumbling Ned wasn’t so bumbling after all. They know that Chuck is The Intersect.
Meanwhile, Captain Awesome and the Nerd Herders are gearing up to overtake Ned, and Awesome and Ellie argue over what to get each other for Christmas.
Get ready for some major “Die Hard” references, including a familiar face, who turns out to be Big Mike’s cop cousin.
CHUCK: Hey, it sure is quiet around here. Bad guys takin’ a holiday too? Not that I mind, by the way, cuz The Intersect could certainly use some down-time as well. Speaking of which, we have a cover date tomorrow—Christmas at the Bartowski’s!
SARAH: Oh…uh, thanks for the invitation, Chuck, but I don’t do Christmas.
CHUCK: (laughs) I’m sorry, I think you just said, you don’t do Christmas?
SARAH: Look, I’d rather not get into it.
CHUCK: But it’s Christmas! I’m not buying the whole Scrooge act okay? Underneath that spy cover is a regular person just like the rest of us. I mean honestly, how weird could Christmas have been for you?
SARAH: Christmas at the Buton household meant the annual Salvation Army con job.
CHUCK: …Okay, well so--okay so you’re a little different than the rest of us. But Christmas at the Bartowski’s means eggnog, pjs, a fake gas fireplace, and that’s right: Twilight Zone marathons. (pauses, Sarah smiles) I’m not takin’ no for an answer Walker, so prepare to be heartwarmed.
~*~*~
MORGAN: (complaining to Chuck that Anna doesn’t think he’s adult enough, dressed as an elf) That’s ridiculous! Do I not look like an adult to you?
~*~*~
BIG MIKE: (dressed as Santa) Bartowski! Doors open up in an hour. Round up the freaks, have everyone meet me at Santa’s Village, pronto!
~*~*~
BIG MIKE: (addressing his line of employees, dressed as Santa) This is it people! D-Day! You ready for war? You got what it takes?
(Casey adjusts his wrapping paper cut bandages, Big Mike stops in front of Morgan)
BIG MIKE: Take a sniff, Grimes! Tell this band of misfits what you smell.
MORGAN: Absolutely. (sniffs) Uh, coffee, hazel nut maybe? Glazed bear claw (sniffs), cream-filled maybe?
BIG MIKE: I’m not talkin’ about my breakfast, I’m talkin’ about profits! People are lazy. They’ll be lookin’ to purchase last-minute gifts. Which is why we raise our prices 15%.
~*~*~
ELLIE: So my gift to my fiancé is a ticket to death?
~*~*~
TV ANNOUNCER: Wait a minute, it appears the perpetrator has just turned off Burbank Boulevard into a shopping complex. He’s not slowing down-He’s not slowing down! (Car crashes into the Buy More)
~*~*~
NED: (gun aimed) Alright nobody move!
ANNA: Pay up suckers.
CHUCK: Hi, welcome to the Buy More…and Merry Christmas.
~*~*~
NED: Sorry about the entrance, uh, can someone please tell me who’s in charge here?
LESTER, JEEF, and ANNA: Chuck!
~*~*~
CHUCK: (watching Big Mike and Emmett hide) I think we’re safe. The store has a very strict ‘No Bravery’ policy.
~*~*~
CASEY: What’s goin’ on? (Sarah nods to the monitor where Ned is waving a gun around at everyone) Great, I step out of work one time and miss all the fun.
~*~*~
CASEY: Well Nathan picked himself the wrong place to be naughty instead of nice. (pulls out gun) Guess I get to play with my new toy I bought myself for Christmas.
~*~*~
GENERAL BECKMAN: (noticing Casey’s bandaged fingers) Are you okay, Major?
CASEY: Huh? Oh, paper cuts, I’m on gift wrap station right now General.
GENERAL BECKMAN: It’s an electronics store, Major. Not Bosra. Get it under control.
~*~*~
BIG MIKE: (sadly eating a twinky) Why today? You know how much money I’m losin’? All of our shoppers are gonna go to Large Mart.
EMMETT: There there, big man, just eat. Everthing’s gonna be okay.
~*~*~
NED: (gesturing to news on TV) That’s a terrible picture of me.
~*~*~
(Phone rings)
NED: (nervous) Who’s calling?
CHUCK: Um, that’s-that’s probably be the police. Maybe they want to know what’s happening.
NED: Well I don’t want to talk to anyone. Do you think maybe you could answer it?
CHUCK: Yeah, let me just—(picks up phone) Nerd Herd, how can I help you?
~*~*~
CHUCK: He says that you should send out a hostage as a sign of good faith.
EMMETT: (jumps up, runs over) Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!
~*~*~
LESTER: That scoundrel! I bet Bartowski worked out a deal.
JEFF: Yeah. Chuck let Emmett go so he could get better lunch shifts.
~*~*~
JEFF: Guess it’s prison rules now. Every man for himself.
~*~*~
EMMETT: What’s going on inside is—(turns from negotiator to news camera) is the greatest sales event of the season! That’s right, we have got the greatest deals in town on all of your electronic needs.
MAUSER: No, no, no, Emmett, I meant the perp. Is he dangerous?
EMMETT: (laughs) Dangerous? The only thing dangerous is how low we have SLASHED our prices!
BIG MIKE: God bless that man.
~*~*~
CHUCK: I understand that there are rules, but when it comes to family and friends, there’s a time to breath ‘em.
~*~*~
(Ned barges in, freaks out about finding Chuck, Sarah, and Casey, and demands to know what’s going on)
CHUCK: Their harmless, okay? They heard your crash and they hid. This is my girlfriend, Sarah.
SARAH: Hi.
NED: Hi.
CHUCK: And this is John Casey, who’s even more harmless than she is!
NED: John Casey?
(Casey nods)
CHUCK: Ned, please, just uncock the gun.
NED:…Okay. Uh, how do I do that, cuz, uh truth is, I’ve never used one of these before.
CHUCK: Uh, there’s probably a button, like a safety or something like that, just go ahead and push that and—
CASEY: NO!
BAM!
~*~*~
(Casey’s on the floor, holding his foot)
NED: I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry, are you okay? I didn’t mean to shoot you, I promise!
(Casey glares at Chuck. He and Sarah help him up, they join everyone else in the store)
CHUCK: It’s okay everyone, it was a mistake! An accidentally shooting, but Casey is gonna be just fine!
CASEY: Idiot, you owe me a toe, Bartowski.
(Captain Awesome and Ellie finish wrapping Casey’s foot)
ELLIE: You’re gonna be okay John. A lot of people get by with nine toes.
JEFF: I’m getting fine by with eight.
LESTER: How much you think a toe is worth to Casey?
JEFF: Why?
LESTER: Maybe there’s a finder’s fee!
(They go off to look, Casey pulls Chuck down to him)
CASEY: You know what? I survived three wars without so much as losing a fingernail before I met you, Bartowski!
CHUCK: Look, I’m really sorry about your toe, John, but I had the situation under control, you’re the one who scared him!
~*~*~
ELLIE: You okay?
SARAH: I’m just scared. I’ve never been this close to a gun before.
~*~*~
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Big Mike, Morgan, Jeff, Lester, come here. Get over here. (they join him) I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve had enough. This guy’s dangerous and we need to take him out before anyone else gets hurt.
BIG MIKE: He’s right. The store closes at midnight. We’ve got lots of merchandise to move.
MORGAN: Fellas, I don’t know.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Time to be a man, Morgan.
MORGAN: Yeah you know what? I’ll do it, I’m in.
JEFF: So am I.
CHUCK: (joining them) Wait a minute, this is a very very bad idea. Ned shot Casey on accident. He’s not gonna hurt anybody, we need to let the police handle this with it.
CASEY: (overhears, joins them) Chuck’s right, let the cops handle this.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: I know you guys work at a Buy more, but I’m a doctor, okay? I take risks every day. This is a matter of life or death, someone needs to man-up and take action. Someone needs to be a hero.
(Ellie and Sarah join them)
ELLIE: No, they don’t Devon. Being a hero is being alive to take care of your friends and family.
~*~*~
NED: Hey, hey, I feel terrible about shooting your friend’s toe off.
CHUCK: No, no, no, no, no that’s okay. Sometimes I feel like shooting him myself.
~*~*~
CHUCK: (on phone) Everything is just fine. There were shots fired and someone lost he majority of their toe—(Casey shoots him a look)—But besides that, everything’s okay.
~*~*~
CHUCK: He wants to know what your demands are.
NED: Well I don’t know…Uh, I have to think about it.
CHUCK: Can you call back in like, five minutes?
~*~*~
(Ned lets everyone call their families)
CAPTAIN AWESOME: (on phone with Ellie) Hey mom and dad.
ELLIE: Hi guys.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Yeah, everything’s awesome…well, not really, but we’ll be okay.
~*~*~
(Lester dials his phone)
GIRL ON PHONE: Hi there. You have reached the Love Chat Line. Looking to chat with someone special? Press one. (Lester presses one)
~*~*~
GUY: Longmont Correctional Institute.
JEFF: (on phone) Yes, I’d like to speak to prisoner 27318? A.k.a. “Mom”.
~*~*~
BIG MIKE’S COUSIN: Hey Big Mike, how you holdin’ up in there partner?
BIG MIKE: Survivin’, partner. Any shoppers linin’ up out there?
~*~*~
CASEY: (intense look on his face, stealthily whispering behind Christmas tree on phone) Mother? Johhny Boy.
~*~*~
CHUCK: (calls Sarah) I’m in the DVDs. I’m in the romantic comedy section. Although for ironies sake, I should probably be in hostage thrillers.
~*~*~
CHUCK: (putting bracelet on Sarah) It’s good luck. It was my mom’s charm bracelet…My dad gave it to her when Ellie was born.
SARAH: Oh--Chuck, I can’t take this, this is something real. Something that you should give to a real girlfriend.
CHUCK: I know.
~*~*~
NED: Okay, okay, two people can go.
MAUSER: Okay, good, good. What do you say we start with the injured man? He looks like he needs medical attention.
CASEY: Oh no, I’m fine, I’m good. Let Ellie go.
ELLIE: No, no Casey, thank you, but you need to go, your toe could be infected.
(Sarah and Casey exchange a look)
NED: Chuck? You’ve been a good friend to me. So I’m gonna return the favor, I’m gonna let your girlfriend go.
CHUCK: NO!
EVERYONE:…
ELLIE: Chuck?
JEFF: Ouch.
LESTER: Yikes. It’ll be a cold Christmas at the Bartowski’s.
GIRL: Oh no he didn’t.
~*~*~
[/B]MAUSER: (after Chuck flashes on his watch) Hey, don’t worry about it buddy, I’m a pro. Everything’s gonna be just fine. (smiles) Okay?
~*~*~
(EMT runs up with a coat for CASEY)
EMT: Here you go, sir.
CASEY: No, no, that’s okay, that’s okay.
SWAT GUY: You need medical attention, Major.
CASEY: No, I’m fine. Let’s end this.
SWAT GUY: How’s it look in there?
SARAH: Better. Ned seems to have calmed down after he talked to his wife.
CASEY: Yeah. Where is she? How come you didn’t bring her down here?
SWAT GUY: Wife? What wife? There’s no record of Ned being married.
(Sarah and Casey exchange an alarmed look and run off back to Castle)
~*~*~
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Look boys, this guy is tired and frazzled, I say we take him out. Anyone else play ball in college?
BIG MIKE: Played some linebacker.
LESTER: I did not.
MORGAN: I played a lot of Madden on Playstation 3, does that count?
~*~*~
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Alright, listen up, it’s called the picket fence. (Demonstrates with giant fake candy) Big Mike and I will be the flanks, alright? Morgan, you’re the sacrificial lamb. Jeff, Lester? You’re comin’ up from behind.
LESTER: Why are they always comin’ up from behind? It seems…awkward.
~*~*~
CHUCK: Please Devon, if you love Ellie, don’t do this.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Okay Chuck, you win.
MAUSER: Chuck, can I talk to you a minute?
CHUCK: (to Captain Awesome) Remember. Don’t be awesome.
~*~*~
MAUSER: First you and I need to work something out on our own.
CHUCK: I don’t understand.
MAUSER: You see, Fulcrum knows that John Casey is NSA. The yogurt girl’s CIA…We’ve lost enough agents to these two. We knew they were here protecting someone, they just didn’t know who. So we caused a little ruckus, and then inside see who they would rush to protect. Turns out, they were protecting you.
~*~*~
MAUSER: Where’s Bryce Larkin?
CHUCK: I don’t know.
MAUSER: Then I’m really sorry.
CHUCK: But I know where The Intersect is.
MAUSER: Where?
CHUCK: (looks at his sister, then taps his head) It’s right here.
~*~*~
CHUCK: I’m never gonna see my sister again, am I?
MAUSER: No.
CHUCK: Well then would you mind if I say goodbye to her please?
MAUSER: Okay. But, if you say or do anything to call attention to me or your situation, Ned’s gonna shoot her, capiche?
CHUCK: Yeah.
MAUSER: Okay, good. Go ahead.
~*~*~
CHUCK: (hugging his sister) Goodbye Ellie…you know how much I love you, right?
ELLIE: Hey (laughs) hey, cheer up I’ll be okay. You’re acting like you’re never gonna see me again. It’s okay.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: See you in a bit, Chuck.
CHUCK: (hugs him) Listen, there’s a time to be brave and a time to be timid. This is the time to be brave, do it.
CAPTAIN AWESOME: Right on, bro.
~*~*~
SARAH: Fulcrum’s got Chuck.
~*~*~
(The guys all huddle and get ready to take over Ned)
ELLIE: I hope they’re not doing anything risky.
ANNA: Morgan’s with them. Trust me, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
(The guys all sneak around, Lester and Jeff grab two giant candy canes, Captain Awesome checks with Big Mike, then gives the signal. Lester and Jeff run forwards, shouting and brandishing their plastic candy canes. Ned swings around and kicks Lester in the face. He falls to the ground, losing his candy cane. Everyone stops, shocked.)
~*~*~
NED: Finally this is getting interesting. Okay, who’s next, you?
(Lester hides behind Captain Awesome)
(Suddenly two eyes blink open underneath the fake snow. Morgan jumps up, using the fake snow blower at Ned as Captain Awesome and Big Mike come in from the sides and bodyslam Ned.)
MORGAN: Anna, did you see that?
(Anna is over with Ellie making sure Lester is okay. She missed the whole thing.)
~*~*~
MAUSER: You may have beaten me Agent Walker, but Fulcrum’s won. I know that Chuck Bartowski’s The Intersect.
SARAH: (gun pointed) Chuck’s secret is safe. And you’re going straight to a CIA detention facility, never to be seen or heard from again.
MAUSER: You go right ahead Agent Walker. Arrest me. But say goodbye to Chuck. You see, I’m not like those other Fulcrum Agents. They’ll do whatever it takes to find me. And when they do? Every Fulcrum agent we have is gonna know that Chuck’s The Intersect. It’s gonna be the end of his pathetic existence.
(Chuck sneaks around to see Sarah with a gun aimed at Mauser)
MAUSER: So take me in Agent Walker, I’m ready to go.
(Sarah stares at him, lowers her gun, then lifts it back up and shoots him. Chuck can only stare at them both in shock.)
~*~*~
MORGAN: (after seeing Lester kiss Anna) Let me ask you something. What do you do when you see your girlfriend do something so horrific it gets permanently burned into your brain?
CHUCK: I don’t know buddy. But I know exactly what you mean.
Chuck gives Sarah his mom’s charm bracelet.
Oh no he didn’t!
Chuck watches Sarah kill.
The hostage situation is over and now it’s Christmas at the Buy More.
I LOVE Christmas episodes. When Morgan pops up with the snow hose and Captain Awesome and Big Mike rush in? hahaha All the Die Hard references are great too. Poor Casey, first the paper cuts and then his toe? LoL! One of my favorite lines were, "Mother?...Johnny Boy."
Poor Chuck and Morgan though, both seeing their girlfriends and taking it out of context. Great episode as usual!| 36 |
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