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Mad Lib 12/29 Results: A Scene From Chuck

January 2nd 2009 23:43

ACTUAL SCENE

“It’s a Venetian puzzle box,” Chuck explains. “Very popular with Renaissance spies.”

“It’s locked.”

Chuck interrupts. “The running, jumping, shooting people part of the job? That’s all you guys. But the puzzles? That’s all me.” He leans over the box and starts to slide the tiles around. “You see, you’d think it’d be numbers one through 12 in a row, but these boxes use the complicated Fibonacci sequence…” Chuck finishes the sequence and the box clicks open. Chuck grins. “Let’s see what we’ve got.”


He opens the box to find it empty aside from a strange metal thing with three tubes, and what looks like a mini shower head on the bottom. Sarah and Chuck look at each other, then down at the box, and suddenly *psssshhhhhh*

“Ahhhh!”

“Casey! GAS!” Sarah shouts as she and Chuck are sprayed with the red gas.

“I’ll be right back with a containment unit.” Casey slides out the door.

“What is this?! Ah! Get it off me!” Chuck is frantically trying to wipe off the gas, and just as frantically, Sarah rips off his shirt. “Get in the shower now! Quick!” She pulls off her own shirt. She shuffles him towards the bathroom and Chuck fumbles with his belt, “Ah! Get it off! Get it off!”

“Get your pants off!”

“I’m trying!”

“Hurry!”

Chuck manages to get his pants off finally as Sarah turns on the water and pulls him into the shower.


“Cold! So so so cold!”

Sarah grabs the soap and shoves it at him. “Use the soap!”

“Okay—” Chuck gasps, then drops the soap. “Sorry!”

They both fumble around in the cold water, bumping into each other in search of the soap. Sarah grabs it and starts frantically rubbing water in his face. “Wash your face properly!”

“Tastes like soap! Tastes like soap!” Chuck gurgles, trying to grab onto the slippery soap as Sarah yanks him down towards her. ‘And your hair!” She starts washing out his hair frantically some more, than starts in on herself. Chuck grabs the soap and tries to help her. Sarah turns around to wash her hair, and as Chuck’s washing her back, he suddenly realizes where he is, and who he’s with…

There’s a knock at the door. “Get the door, that’s Casey!” Sarah tells him. “We have no time to waste, quick!”

Chuck grabs a towel and runs to answer it. He flings the door open and—“Jill?”

“Chuck?”

“How’d you…?”

“Bellman sent me to your room.”

“I…”

Sarah walks out, dripping wet and in her underwear. Jill glances from her to Chuck, also dripping wet and in his underwear. “I knew it.”

Jill stalks off as Chuck yells after her that, “It’s not what you think! Please Jill, I could be dying!”

She’s gone.

MEGGIE'S SCENE

“It’s a Venetian puzzle BATTLESHIP,” Chuck explains. “Very popular with Renaissance MONKIES.”

“It’s CLEVER.”

Chuck interrupts. “The BREAK DANCING, SKIPPING, CRYING people part of the job? That’s all you guys. But the MUD PIES? That’s all me.” He BITES over the BATTLE SHIP and starts to SLINK the UNICORNS around. “You see, you’d think it’d be CHEESE BITES one through 12 in a row, but these BATTLESHIPS use the complicated RAINBOW sequence…” Chuck finishes the sequence and the BATTLESHIP EXPLODES open. Chuck grins. “Let’s see what we’ve got.”

He opens the BATTLESHIP to find it SPARKLY aside from a strange WICKED thing with three PLUMS, and what looks like a mini CLOTHES LINE on the bottom. Sarah and Chuck look at each other, then down at the BATTLESHIP, and suddenly * CRUNCH*

“OH SNAP!”

“Casey! BLUBBER!” Sarah shouts as she and Chuck are sprayed with the DEAFENING BLUBBER.

“I’ll be right back with a PIRATE unit.” Casey EATS out the door.

“What is this?! Ah! Get it off me!” Chuck is frantically trying to FALL off the BLUBBER, and just as frantically, Sarah rips off his YO-YO. “Get in the PIANO now! Quick!” She pulls off her own BUBBLE WRAP. She GRINDS him towards the GRAND CANYON HORSE TRAIL and Chuck fumbles with his ALIEN, “Ah! Get it off! Get it off!”

“Get your FISH LIPS off!”

“I’m trying!”

“Hurry!”

Chuck manages to get his FISH LIPS off finally as Sarah KISSES on the CORN STALK and SINGS him into the CORN STALK.

“BOILING! So so so BOILING!”

Sarah grabs the HIGHLIGHTER and shoves it at him. “Use the YOGURT!”

“Okay—” Chuck gasps, then drops the YOGURT. “Sorry!”

They both SMITE around in the VICTORIOUS FORK, bumping into each other in search of the LIGHT HOUSE. Sarah grabs it and starts frantically rubbing 3D GLASSES in his KNEE. “Wash your KNEE BRUTALLY!”

“Tastes like ELEPHANT! Tastes like ELEPHANT!” Chuck gurgles, trying to grab onto the DREAMY STOP SIGN as Sarah yanks him down towards her. ‘And your EYE!” She starts washing out his EYE EXUBERANTLY some more, than starts in on herself. Chuck grabs the ROCKING HORSE and tries to SPIT her. Sarah SNEAKS around to wash her POTTED PLANT, and as Chuck’s washing her LAVA, he suddenly realizes where he is, and who he’s with…

There’s a BIRD CAGE at the door. “Get the door, that’s Casey!” Sarah tells him. “We have no time to STRIDE, AMUSED!”

Chuck SASHAYS a FAKE NOSE and SWEARS to answer it. He flings the GOAT FLABBERGASTEDLY and—“Jill?”

“Chuck?”

“How’d you…?”

“THE WHITE CHESS QUEEN sent me to your BUNNY HOLE.”

“I…”

Sarah ARMY CRAWLS out, RABID and in her TOW TRUCK. Jill glances from her to Chuck, also RABID and in his TOW TRUCK.

“I knew it.” Jill SLAM DUNKS off as Chuck yells after her that, “It’s not what you LEAP! Please Jill, I could be SWORD FIGHTING!”

She’s THUNDERING.

PAULA'S SCENE

“It’s a Venetian puzzle BOTTLE,” Chuck explains. “Very popular with Renaissance CANDIES.”

“It’s PALE.”

Chuck interrupts. “The KISSING, CUDDLING, BRUSHING people part of the job? That’s all you guys. But the CANDLES? That’s all me.” He COUGHS over the BOTTLE and starts to SNORT the FORKS around. “You see, you’d think it’d be BIRDS one through 12 in a row, but these BOTTLES use the complicated FEATHER BOA sequence…” Chuck finishes the sequence and the BOTTLE BOWS open. Chuck grins. “Let’s see what we’ve got.”

He opens the BOTTLE to find it HAPPY aside from a strange STUPID thing with three FLOWERS, and what looks like a mini SALT on the bottom. Sarah and Chuck look at each other, then down at the BOTTLE, and suddenly *BLAM*

“( ~II~) ^^!”

“Casey! STAR!” Sarah shouts as she and Chuck are sprayed with the RIDICULOUS STAR.

“I’ll be right back with a BATHTUB unit.” Casey TURNS out the door.

“What is this?! Ah! Get it off me!” Chuck is frantically trying to SIT off the STAR, and just as frantically, Sarah rips off his DISHWASHER. “Get in the SNOW now! Quick!” She pulls off her own NOODLE. She CHICKEN DANCES him towards the CASTLE and Chuck fumbles with his MUFFIN, “Ah! Get it off! Get it off!”

“Get your FIRE off!”

“I’m trying!”

“Hurry!”

Chuck manages to get his FIRE off finally as Sarah SAVES on the TAPE and SLEEPS him into the SNOW.

“SAFE! So so so SAFE!”

Sarah grabs the RAIN and shoves it at him. “Use the TRAILER!”

“Okay—” Chuck gasps, then drops the TRAILER. “Sorry!”

They both FALL around in the FLUFFY SCREWDRIVER, bumping into each other in search of the LIGHTBULB. Sarah grabs it and starts frantically rubbing CANES in his EAR. “Wash your EAR SERIOUSLY!”

“Tastes like HORN! Tastes like HORN!” Chuck gurgles, trying to grab onto the ANGRY PEAR as Sarah yanks him down towards her. ‘And your ANKLE!” She starts washing out his ANKLE LOUDLY some more, than starts in on herself. Chuck grabs the UNDERWEAR and tries to SCREAM her. Sarah JUMPS around to wash her SPIDER, and as Chuck’s washing her DOOR, he suddenly realizes where he is, and who he’s with…

There’s a KEYBOARD at the door. “Get the door, that’s Casey!” Sarah tells him. “We have no time to HUG, BEAUTIFULLY!”

Chuck FAINTS a WIG and LICKS to answer it. He flings the CIGAR LIGHTLY and—“Jill?”

“Chuck?”

“How’d you…?”

“BATMAN sent me to your BEACH.”

“I…”

Sarah KICKS out, OLD and in her GLASSES. Jill glances from her to Chuck, also OLD and in his GLASSES.

“I knew it.” Jill READS off as Chuck yells after her that, “It’s not what you REST! Please Jill, I could be RECORDING!”

She’s WEIRD
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Chuck Versus the Gravitron Recap

December 13th 2008 08:53

Palo Alto, CA. 2002

Chuck and Jill are at the carnival. The ferris wheel comes to a stop with them at the top, and when Jill realizes he’s nervously clinging to the seat bar, she reminds him that’s it’s just a ferris wheel. He tells her that it’s not so much the ferris wheel, as him. What? “I kinda, sorta bribed a carnie to stop us at the top.”

“Well for someone that’s afraid of heights, that was pretty moronic!” She looks over the side, enjoying the view.

“I was goin’ for romantic.”

Jill smiles.

“Okay, here it goes, uh…Jill we’ve been friends for like a semester right? And it’s been fun, and I was thinking, you know, maybe, you and I, we could, I don’t know. You know what, you’re right, this is moronic,” he continues to stutter. “You’re happy being friends and I’m happy being friends and I just thought that—”

“Chuck,” she interrupts. “There is a problem.”

He just stares at her worriedly.

“You talk way way too much.” Jill leans in and kisses him.

~*~*~

“Jill Roberts is FULCRUM? And she has Chuck?” The General asks in a curt, angry tone. “How is that possible?”

Casey tells her that the list had codenames. By the time the computer translated it and they saw it, Chuck and Jill were gone.

Sarah tells The General that Chuck’s watch is still in his apartment so they can’t track him.

General Beckman: Find him. I don’t care how. Just do it.

~*~*~


Poor Chuck just can’t get a break. He finally escapes Casey and Sarah for a romantic getaway with Jill, only to flash on one of her text messages. Yep, that’s right, big surprise, Jill is a FULCRUM double agent. As Jill showers and Chuck panics, he tells her he’s going to go out for some coffee, makes a run for it, and bumps into Sarah and Casey outside on the sidewalk. They confirm that Jill is definitely working for FULCRUM. When they tell him he needs to go back up there with Jill, Chuck thinks they’re crazy. Need he remind him that she’s FULCRUM?! The General tells him they need him to try and use his in with Jill to figure out who her boss is. Chuck has a chance to find out who the Leader is. Sarah doesn’t think he’s ready for this, but Chuck reminds them all that Jill broke his heart twice now. He’s ready for this. Let’s go.

~*~*~

Meanwhile, back home, Ellie is squeegeeing the windows. Chuck starts to sit down on the couch but she quickly stops him. “Don’t!” Chuck leaps up. “What? What, what what, what is it?” In panic cleaning mode, his sister tells them that The Awesomes are coming for Thanksgiving, and the couch is perfect and needs to stay that way!

“The Awesomes? The Awesomes are coming here?” Chuck asks as his sister shoves a duffle bag at him.



“Yes the very Awesomes are coming HERE,” she says, frantically adjusting the magazines on the coffee table. “They make their son look mildly impressive.”

“Sis, you got nothing to worry about, they love you!” Chuck reminds her, but she can only focus on the fact that “I guess when you marry a doctor, and you’re a doctor, and you raise three awesome boys you tend to judge people a little harsher.” She grabs a throw blanket and moves it to a different chair. “Or I guess that’s how I feel when Mrs. Awesome is around.”

Chuck: I’ve never heard you use that nickname that many times.

She assures him that she’s just a little stressed right now, but “we all have our burdens to bear.” With that, she grabs her cleaning kit and rushes off.

~*~*~


Morgan shows up at Chuck’s window, calling in from outside first just to make sure that Chuck isn’t there with the “other woman”. Chuck assures his friend that there is no other woman, and Morgan is relieved that he won’t have to do “some sort of intervention or something, you know help you with your addiction to really attractive women.” Suddenly Morgan catches a whiff of something cooking downstairs and stops. He sniffs. “What’s that smell?”

Chuck tells him how Ellie is panicking about The Awesomes coming and is doing Thanksgiving meal practice runs.

Morgan’s gone.

~*~*~

Downstairs, Morgan finds Ellie pulling out a turkey from the oven. He watches her hair blow wistfully around her as she’s backlit by a heavenly glow, everything going in slow motion as she starts to sharpen the carving knives.


“Morgan.” Ellie interrupts Morgan’s moment and tells him that she needs him to taste the turkey. Right!

Morgan takes a bite and sinks further into turkey Heaven.


When he tells her how good it is though, she doesn’t believe him and slaps his hand away, pulling out a recorder and announcing, “Test turkey number one is two dry—” she slaps Morgan’s hand away as he goes for another bite and checks her watch. “Three hours and seven minutes.”

Ellie grabs the turkey and tosses it in the trash much to Morgan’s horror. As he continues to stare at the trash, Ellie tells him they need to talk.

“That’s fine,” he answers, still distracted. “Just don’t hurt another turkey like that.”

She tells him that this Thanksgiving is “Very important.”

“Sure.”

“And things need to run smoothly…”

“I know, I know! You’ve been so stressed!” He laughs and gives her arm a reassuring rub. “Everything’s great, it’s perfect! What can I do?”

Ellie clears her throat and puts on a great smile. “Morgan?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re—”

~*~*~

At the Buy More, Morgan is shocked and very hurt. “I’m not invited? I can’t believe this, I mean how? Uninvited to T-day? I mean—”

“Morgan, relax,” Chuck interrupts. He assures him that he’s going to talk to Ellie and everything’s going to be okay. Morgan is too busy realizing that Anna’s out of town so if he doesn’t have Thanksgiving with them then he’s out of luck. No Thanksgiving? Ahhhh!

“Morgan? Morgan, breathe,” Chuck helps then turns to help a customer as Big Mike suddenly shows up. He’s overheard their conversation and tells him to follow him.

As they walk through Buy More, Big Mike tells Morgan how terrible it is that so many of his employees don’t have proper Thanksgiving plans. “Like these two poor creatures,” he says stopping behind Jeff and Lester.

Morgan is shocked and touched. “Sir, are you inviting us to dinner?”


What? No! He’s telling them they’re going to be the ones who stay in the store overnight to make sure nobody steals anything because of Black Friday.

Chuck gets a call from Jill, and Casey stands by listening as he tells her that he can meet her for their surprise date…alone. He makes a kissing noise and hangs up.

Casey grabs Chuck by the ear.


Chuck: Ow! What are you doing? What was that for?

Casey: The kissing noise. Have some self respect Bartowski, you’re a man.

Chuck rushes off to talk to Sarah.

~*~*~

Downstairs, Chuck asks Sarah how he’s going to be able to make it though tonight, and Sarah tells him that Jill will wait until the moment he’s most exposed. Emotionally that is. “A good spy knows what their mark wants.” She tells him that Jill’s going to wait until just the right moment when she’s sure that he loves her, say, a kiss.

Sarah: Imagine that I am Jill. *gets up* The moment is romantic. She’s close to you, she’s looking into your eyes…

Chuck: Yeah okay, I got that I-I’m trying not to be distracted by the oh-so-romantic secret base.

Sarah: *picks up the remote and turns down the lights* Concentrate. Keep looking into my eyes *Chuck looks up* Don’t look up! *Chuck meets her gaze again* And if you can’t hold Jill’s stare, look at her lips. *He does* Good. Now move her hair back over her ear. *he does* And when you start to kiss…focus again on her… and just before your lips are about to meet, closer your eyes…


Chuck leans in and Sarah suddenly says, “Okay good! Good. You’re all set.”

Chuck is confused a second, then remembers this was just an example and pulls away. Casey joins them, breaking what could be an awkward moment, and tells them that he found out Jill’s got tickets to some concert tonight.

Casey: Better not be another freakin’ opera.

Casey walks off and Sarah assures Chuck that they’ll be there to make sure nothing happens to him.

~*~*~

That night, Chuck joins Jill outside his apartment, and she takes him not to the concert, but to a carnival. Uh-oh.

Not only does this remind Chuck of the time he was with her at a carnival before, in which he bribed a carnie to stop the ferris wheel when they were at the top, but it also reminds him that Sarah and Casey will not be there to back him up should Jill, say, try to kill him.

Jill reminds him what happened the last time they were stuck at the top of the ferris wheel, kisses him, and tells him she’s sorry.

“For what?”

Jill cocks the gun pointed at his side.


~*~*~

“What are you doing!”

Sarah tells him that she belongs to FULCRUM and that they want him eliminated. She tells him that she’s not a killer, but she has to do this.

Chuck nervously reminds her that if she pulls that killer she is a killer. “You already broke my heart is it necessary to shoot it as well?”

Jill thinks about this a second, then says, “You’re right.” She tells him that the truth is that there’s a FULCRUM Operative down there in the carnival crowd waiting for her to transport him to a car waiting in the parking lot. “If I don’t follow the plan they’re going to eliminate you and me as a precaution.”

~*~*~

While driving, Casey asks Sarah, “What’s the ETA on Chuck and the FULCRUM Agent?”

Sarah checks Chuck’s tracking signal and is shocked to find out that it’s dropped off the grid.

“What!”

“Turn this around Casey, now!”

Casey swings the car around in the opposite direction, and Sarah finds Chuck’s signal again. They’re not at the music center that’s for sure.

~*~*~

Back at the carnival, Jill leads Chuck through the crowd, pistol pointed at his side. She tells him that he has to do exactly as she says, and he answers, “I think you should know that my completely rational fear of carnivals has spread to girlfriends.” How does he even know that he can trust her, that she’s not just “gonna take me to the parking lot to do something you said you wouldn’t?”

Jill stops. “Oh no, it’s him.”

“Who’s him? Him who?”

“Leader”


“Leader” hangs up his phone and turns around to join Jill and Chuck.

“Um, excuse us person we don’t know. You’re blocking us.” Chuck says nervously.

The Leader tells Jill that Chuck’s handlers will be there any second. He wants her to eliminate him now. Jill looks around and asks, “What, here?”

“Shoot him in the head and let’s go.”

Chuck: Did you—did you just say—

Jill: Let’s talk about this first.

Chuck: Can we actually just leave? We-ahhaahaa!

Leader shoves Chuck aside and tells Jill that this is a test. “Do it now.” Jill hesitates and the Leader tells her, “Too late,” and goes for his own gun. Jill turns her weapon on Leader, and as he knocks her out, Chuck makes a run for it.

Chuck spots an out of order Gravitron and leaps the “temporarily closed” sign. Inside, he pulls out his phone, but it’s too late. The Leader is already waiting.

Leader: Mr. Bartowski you need to come with me.

Chuck eyes his gun. “Um, you told Jill to shoot me, why would I ever go anywhere with you?”

“I’d rather not leave your body on the ride. What if some kid saw it?”

The door to the Gravitron shuts and Chuck spots the buttons to activate the ride-- the ones labeled “TOUCH AND YOU DIE”.


As he’s telling Leader “Wow, that’s uh, that’s strangely considerate of you,” Chuck leans over and presses the green button.

The Gravitron whirrs to life, throwing them both off their feet for a second, before gravity kicks in and they’re pinned to the walls. The gun is knocked out of Leader’s hand and they both slowly try to claw their way around the walls as the seats begin to rise. Leader catches up to Chuck and tries to pry him off the wall.


Suddenly the green light switches to red and the Gravitron stops, knocking both men off the wall. Chuck lands on Leader, knocking him out, then stumbles out of the ride and runs as fast as he can to…The Funhouse!

Chuck stumbles through until he gets to the warped mirrors. He stops a second, studying his reflection. “That’s exactly how I feel.”


Suddenly, Jill’s voice echoes through the funhouse, “Chuck, you have to trust me.”

“Jill?” Chuck shouts.

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Where are you? Jill where are you and why are you doing this? When did you join FULCRUM and why?”

They continue to talk, both trying to find the other first in the land of mirrors. She tells him that it started at Stanford when she was doing a leadership seminar. After school FULCRUM gave them whatever dream job they wanted.

“Couldn’t you get out?” Chuck asks.

“When someone controls every part of your life, Chuck, you have to do what they say.” They continue to look around at the mirrors, trying to find the real person. “After awhile I found myself doing things I thought I never would have done, but by then it was too late.”

“Too late for what?” Chuck asks, and when she doesn’t answer, he starts to get worried. “Jill?...Jill!”

Suddenly Leader shows up, gun in hand. “I’m impressed Mr. Bartowski.” Chuck swings around to look at all the Leader reflections as the man tells him, “I wasn’t really certain you were a spy, but now I see.”


Chuck makes another run for it, and hits a mirror instead of a hallway. He knocks himself to floor, scrambles up, and finds himself facing the Leader’s gun.

Leader: Goodbye.

A shot rings out and the mirror behind Leader shatters. He falls to the floor as Jill grabs Chuck’s hand and leads him back outside.

~*~*~

“Don’t move!”

Sarah and Casey are there to greet them, and Casey grabs Jill and shoves her down to start cuffing her.

“No, no, no, wait! Don’t hurt her, she saved my life!”

Sarah holds her gun on Jill as Casey finishes cuffing her.

~*~*~


Back at the Buy More, Big Mike leads Morgan, Lester, and Jeff back through the store.

Big Mike: So one more time, what’s the plan?

Jeff: We stay here in the store all day.

Lester: And if anything goes wrong, we call you.

Big Mike: Good. Remember, you three are the last line of defense against the—

Morgan: Yeah but, can I—don’t you think this is a bit overkill?

Lester: *warning whisper* Dude—

Big Mike: Overkill?

Big Mike stops in his tracks to tell Morgan that his first store was “The Husky Lad Big and Tall. For the more than average man. It was robbed! Thanksgiving of ’88. That was a dark day, Morgan. Husky Lads throughout Burbank went without britches for Christmas. The store closed before the New Year. So no. It’s not overkill. It’s business.”

Morgan nods. “Sure…but before you lock us in, um, isn’t there some sort of law or rule about locking us in a store?” He turns to Jeff and Lester for help. “I mean, what if there’s a fire?”

“I’m not worried about a fire!” Big Mike interrupts loudly. “I’m worried about thieves.” He checks his watch. “Alright, Lady Big Mike is cookin’ with the family. I got fish to catch.” He leaves.

“Lady Big Mike?”

Morgan, Lester, and Jeff all walk to the front door as Big Mike types in the lock code and the doors close behind him.

~*~*~

Back at the base, Sarah and Casey have tied Jill up and hooked her up to a lie detector. Chuck assures her it’ll be okay, and Sarah sits down at the computer. “Answer all of our questions with either a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’.”

“Okay.”

“Is your name Jill Roberts?”

“Yes.”

Sarah looks at the computer. It beeps: “POSITIVE”


“Did you attend Stanford University?”

“Yes.” Another positive.

“Can I ask a follow-up question?” Chuck asks, and Casey answers, “You’re about to leave through that window.” Chuck quickly takes back his follow-up question.

Sarah asks Jill if she has a degree in molecular biology, if she’s a FULCRUM Agent, and Jill answers yes on both (the second only after automatically answering no and correcting herself). Sarah asks her if she knows the current whereabouts of her handler, “codename: Leader”, and Jill hesitates. Sarah asks again, and finally Jill answers, “yes.”

Casey orders her to give them the location and she hesitates. Casey leans in. “Tell me now or I lose my calm.”

“Jill, just tell him, please--” Chuck says, leaning into try and calm Casey down. “Please just tell him.”

Casey backs off, Chuck lets him go, and Jill finally answers that she’s not supposed to know this, but “FULCRUM has a mobile medical unit. You’ll find Leader recovering in an office building in downtown Los Angeles.”

Sarah stares at her. “Is this a trap?”

“No.”

The computer beeps a “POSITIVE”.

~*~*~

Sarah is getting ready to go and Chuck asks, “What about Jill?” She tells him that she knows he’s going to argue that she’s the same person that he knew and dated, but they can’t be sure. “Trust me Chuck,” she tells him. “We can’t trust her.”

Sarah leaves.

~*~*~


Back at the Buy More, Morgan and Lester stand with their microwave turkey dinners at the door watching Jeff string an invisible wire across the door.

Morgan: Is he setting a trap?

Lester: Mmmhmm. Our good friend Jeffrey’s been doing this job for, give or take, 15 years. This is his Thanksgiving tradition.

Finished with the doors, Jeff continues with the wire throughout the rest of the store.

Morgan: Amazing. How many traps does he set?

Lester: Just the one, trip wire. It’s kinda sad, he tripped over it last year. Anyway, bon appétit, buddy!


Lester pulls back the plastic on his microwave dinner. Morgan follows suite and grimaces. “Turkey in plastic? No, no, Les this is all wrong. This is not what Thanksgiving’s about, this is pathetic. Dude!

Lester is confused. “What? What else is there?”

Jeff listens in as he moves the trip wire behind them.

“There’s so much more, man!” Morgan answers. “Yeah, there’s fun, and food, and friends, and that’s just the ‘F’s!”

Lester knows nothing of this. “Where?”

Morgan looks at the door. “Out there.” He walks towards it.

“Morgan,” Lester says, letting out a confused laugh. “We can’t leave.”

“What if I could bring it back here?” Morgan asks. “A turkey.”

Lester looks down at his plate. “We—”

“No, no, not like this,” Morgan interrupts, and Lester stares at him, finally getting it.


“A real turkey?” He’s in shock.

“Yes!”

Not taking his eyes off Morgan, Lester hands over his plate to Jeff. “What do I have to do to get thissss “real” turkey?”

~*~*~


Jeff is working furiously to hotwire the Buy More electronic sliding doors. Cords in his mouth as his fingers twist the wires, he nods to Lester and Morgan, who put all their whole weight into slowly inching the door open.

“Talk about your fire hazard!”

They get it open just enough for Morgan to squeeze his arm through. “Okay, okay, okay, okay!” Morgan gets his let through. “You gotta hold it—” He’s just started with his head when the door slams shut again, trapping him. “Ahh!”

“Jeff! Open the door, buddy!”

“Open the door!”

“Jeff!”

“Got it!”

The outer door slides open and Lester and Morgan just stare at it.


“Okay! Nice Jeff!” Morgan shouts, his cheeks still crushed between the inner door. “Now can you open the door that is currently chopping me in half?!”

“My bad!” Jeff mumbles around the cords, and works the wires until the inner door opens.

Morgan squeezes through to the other side and he and Lester share a triumphant look. Suddenly they’re solemn again, and Lester puts his hand up to the glass.


Morgan puts his hand up then runs off.

Jeff climbs over the counter. “Did he make it?” In his hurry to get to the door, Jeff trips over his own tripwire.

Lester, still standing at the door, hand up, just shakes his head.

All the Buy More alarms begin to blink.

~*~*~

A very happy Big Mike is walking through the forest, clad in his fishing gear, pole and tackle box in his hands. Suddenly his phone rings. He pulls it out.


He looks at his text. SECURITY BREACH AT BUY MORE A woman’s voice announces, “Security breach at Buy More. Location 2354”

The tackle box and fishing pole drop to the dirt.

“Security at Buy More. Location 2453.”

Big Mike runs, forgetting his fishing equipment.


~*~*~

Ellie is rushing around the kitchen as Captain Awesome talks on the phone with his parents. She asks him what time they’re getting there, and he tells his parents, “Okay,…Mmmhmm…Alright, love you too.” He hangs up and turns to Ellie. “Babe? I got some news.”

She listens, distractedly as he laughs and tells her, “My parents can’t make it!”

She just stares at him. “Don’t toy with my emotions right now, Devon.”

“Honey, I wouldn’t dare.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah!”


Ellie is unbelievably relieved. “That’s great! Oh that’s so great!” She jumps into his arms and they both laugh.

“Now can we just have some fun?” he asks her.

“Yes!”

“And listen to some Chuck stories, and laugh at Morgan as he O-faces through his mashed potatoes and stuffing?”

“Oh no,” Ellie suddenly remembers. “I uninvited Morgan! He’s like the one person who loves this day more than anyone!”

~*~*~

Outside, Morgan rustles through the trash.

~*~*~

“Ah man,” Captain Awesome says. “Some animal’s gotten into the trash again.”


He grabs a broom and goes outside to find Morgan’s legs sticking out of the trash. He opens the lid and pulls him out with one arm. He frowns when he realizes it’s Morgan and that he’s holding the turkey Ellie threw away.

Ellie comes out and stops when she sees him.

Morgan: Well I saw you put it in the bag, you know, and I figured it was still good. *laughs* So I—

Ellie interrupts him by pulling him into a big hug. Confused, Morgan puts the turkey down and hugs her back. “Okay…”


“Morgan—” Ellie pulls back to look at him. “I am so sorry that I uninvited you to Thanksgiving please please forgive me.”

“Forgive you? Of course! Yes, yeah I understand,” Morgan says. “I completely understand, I mean you’ve been so stressed out with this whole thing, and you know with our new boss at work, and this whole Chuck and Jill thing, it’s like—” he whistles to indicate everything getting crazy out of control, and Ellie stares at him.

“What Chuck and Jill thing?”

“What Chuck and Jill thing? I didn’t say anything about—” Ellie grabs Morgan by the mouth and warns, “You tell me everything that you know.”

“Mmmhmmm, yeah I will.” Ellie lets him go and he asks, “Can I just get one small favor though? I need to invite a couple of guests over.”

~*~*~

Back at the secret base, Chuck types in the password to go into the room with Jill, who is still tied up to the lie detector. He tells her he just wanted to see if she wanted a water or anything. No she’s good. Okay…”are Casey and Sarah ready to get started again?” No, not yet, but before they do he was wondering if he could ask some of his own questions first.

Jill is surprised. “Do you know how to work all this stuff?”

“Yeah, totally.” Chuck grabs a huge book. “I uh, read the manual.”

Jill laughs. “You read a lie detector manual?”
“No, this is the manual for the entire castle base!” Chuck clarifies.

“Oh,” she answers, amused. “You read a manual for a base.”

“Ah, well, you know, um…I skimmed it.”

Jill smiles and Chuck becomes serious. “Would you mind if I asked you a couple of questions?”

“Go ahead.”

Chuck wheels the computer over, types some keys, and asks if “Back at Stanford when we were dating, was that for real?”

“Yes.”

The computer beeps POSITIVE.

“You really liked me?” Chuck asks. “Those were real emotions?”

“Yes.” Another positive.

Chuck asks why then, if that’s the truth, did she sleep with Bryce right after he got kicked out of school? She reminds him that it has to be a yes or no question or it won’t work.

“Did you love him too?”

“No.”

POSITIVE.

“Great. That’s great, that makes it even worse,” Chuck says, distressed.

“There’s a question that you’re not answering,” she tells him. “It’s right there and you’re not asking it.”

Chuck thinks a moment then it hits him. “Did you sleep with Bryce?”

“No. I didn’t.”

POSITIVE.

~*~*~

In the FULCRUM mobile medical lab, Leader is getting sewn up.

“Everyone freeze!” Casey aims his gun as Sarah comes in behind him, telling the doctors to, “Stop right there.”

More of their team rushes in behind them and Casey tells them to leave Leader for him.

~*~*~

Chuck is very confused. “So you’re telling me, that for the last six years of my life…I’ve been believing that you betrayed me? Why would you do that?”

She tells him that when he got kicked out school her FULCRUM advisor told her she had to let him go. Since he wasn’t talking to Bryce at the time, she figured that was the best way to do it. Jill apologizes to him and Chuck still can’t believe it. “FULCRUM told you to dump me?”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“I guess in your defense, when they told you to kill me you didn’t do it so I guess that means something.”

“It does,” she tells him. “I never wanted to hurt you, Chuck. Ever. You were my first love.”

Chuck lets this sink in, thinks a moment, then asks, “Do you think when this is all over…we could try again?”

“Get me out of these.”

Chuck jumps up and undoes the binds holding her to the chair. Jill jumps up and wraps her arms around his neck. “Yes.”

She kisses him as, behind Chuck, the lie detector beeps: NEGATIVE.

~*~*~

On the phone, Sarah tells Chuck that “we have Leader. We’re taking him back to The Castle.”

“Great. See you when you get back.”

Chuck hangs up the phone, Jill’s gun pointed at his head.

“I’m sorry Chuck.”

~*~*~

Casey and Sarah bring in Leader and find Chuck sitting at the computer monitors.

“Chuck?” Sarah notices something’s not right. “Chuck, what’s wrong?”

“You promised you wouldn’t hurt them,” Chuck calls out, and Jill rounds the corner, two guns pointed at Casey and Sarah. She orders them to put the guns on the table and to take Leader’s cuffs off. Chuck quickly apologizes, telling them that he let her out. “I’m sorry!”

Sarah hands her gun over to Casey, who sets both of their weapons on the table. He glares at Leader and begrudgingly uncuffs him. Leader shoves Casey back, takes off his sling, and picks up their guns. “I believe we were headed to a holding area? Show me the way.”

Case and Sarah back down the hallway as Jill tells Chuck to just “do what he says and it’ll be okay.”

“What about my friends?”

“Just do what he says.”

“How could you do this Jill?”

“Chuck, it’s complicated.”

He swings around in his chair to face her. “Look I know complicated, how could YOU do this?”

She doesn’t answer, and Leader comes out to tell her, “You did an excellent job, my dear.”

Jill orders Chuck to show Leader the joint intelligence database, and Chuck just answers, “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to do that.” Leader orders him to “do it now or I’ll kill your friends. Starting with the blond.”

Chuck swings around and starts typing at the computer keyboard. Leader thanks him with an evil smirk, and Chuck realizes that the whole thing has been a setup. “You let her shoot you!”

“Devious aren’t we?” Leader tells Jill to move Chuck as he sits down at the computer.

~*~*~

Jill leads Chuck to another glass cell, telling Chuck that they’re searching for someone. Chuck asks who, stalling for time as he reaches for the manual behind him.

“Bryce Larkin.”

Why are they looking for Bryce? She tells him not to pretend he doesn’t know. They know he’s CIA. She locks him in and walks away. “He stole something from us.”

Casey: They’re looking for The Intersect.

Chuck looks across the hall to the cell where Casey and Sarah are and apologizes. “I’m sorry Sarah, I should have listened to you.” He flips open the manual, telling them he has a plan. He goes over to the keypad in his cell and begins to type.

Sarah: Hey, what are you doing?

Casey: That’s The Castle manual. I told you that’s top secret.

Chuck: Yeah, I know. So am I.

~*~*~

Big Mike is now driving through the mountains. He rips off his fishing hat, letting out an angry grunt…

~*~*~

Jill and Leader watch as all the computer monitors suddenly go fuzzy.

They walk back to find Chuck laying down using the manual as a pillow.


Leader: What did you do?

Chuck: Like I told Jill. I read the manual.

Leader: What. Did you do?

Chuck tells him he’s locked them out of the system using the remote console that every room in Castle’s equipped with. He holds up the thick black book. “It’s in the manual.” He gets up. “Unfortunately, said manual is in here with me, and since I overrode Castle’s primary controls, we’re now safely locked within these bulletproof cells…Devious?” He grins, slamming the book down. “Aren’t I?”

Leader warns him that with one phone call and his men will be there in 20 minutes. Chuck is glad he brought that up, seeing as how he also activated the base’s communication jammer. “So no calls out, sorry about that. And because I triggered the CIA’s trouble alarm? I think the cavalry’s gonna be here in like, ten minutes or so?” He gets up and walks over to the window. “The nerd in me really really wants to say checkmate right about now.”

“Never say that,” Leader tells him.

“Why?”

“Because you don’t know who you’re playing against,” Leader tells him, pulling something out of his pocket. Casey and Sarah exchange a look. “These cells might be bulletproof,” Leader continues, sticking something to the glass. “But they can’t withstand that.” He steps back to show Chuck the explosive he’s just activated. Two minutes count down. “The blast will kill them.” Leader turns back to look at Chuck. “But I’ll bet your cell will be fine.”


“Chuck,” Sarah warns. “Don’t do anything!”

“Stay in that cell Bartowski!” Casey adds.

Chuck looks at his friends, then to Jill for help. “Jill?”

“Just do what he says, Chuck.”

Leader: Open the door or your friends will die.

Chuck glances at Sarah, then at Casey, who quickly shakes his head no.

Beep…beep…the second tick down.

“Goodbye Mr. Bartowski.” Leader starts to leave and Chuck can’t take it anymore.

“Wait wait wait wait wait! Wait!” Chuck quickly punches in the code and opens his door.

Leader points his gun at him. “Now show me the way out of here.”

Jill pulls off the explosive and Sarah warns her, “Jill if you hurt him, I swear…”

Jill just walks off.

Jill and Leader walk Jill down the hall.

~*~*~

Sarah and Casey’s remote panel beeps and Sarah checks it. “It’s a message from Chuck!”

The message reads:


<//…I also
unlocked your door.
Taking them to Buy More.

Unleash the Casey.//>…

They get the door open and rush out.

~*~*~


Chuck slowly inches up the trap door in the floor of the Buy More home theatre room. He, Leader, and Jill slowly inch through the store and Chuck steps over Jeff’s tripwire. Leader trips and Chuck pulls out of his grasp.

“Drop it!” Sarah warns, aiming her gun at Leader, who quickly gets up and aims his gun at Chuck.

Casey slams into Leader and Jill makes a run for it. Sarah goes after her, and Chuck yells, “Sarah don’t hurt her!”


Sarah goes down the hallway, gun drawn. Jill rounds the corner after her, cocks her gun at Sarah, and Chuck suddenly appears, whispering that he can help her. “Come on.”

Casey and Leader continue to fight, knocking things off shelves, and Leader finally knocks Casey down, grabbing his gun and pointing it at him.

Leader: And you thought you were gonna take me down.

“No baby!” a voice calls out. “I am!”


Big Mike takes a running leap at Leader, slamming into him and sending Leader flying across the room and into an Averrtec display. He’s knocked out cold.

Casey jumps up, hiding his gun as Big Mike continues to glare at Leader.

“I hate thieves,” Big Mike says, then turns to Casey. “Grimes put you in charge?”

“Hm? Yeah.”

Big Mike slaps him on the back. “Smart boy.”


~*~*~

Outside, Jill asks Chuck what they’re doing as he leads her to a Nerd Herder. He tells her that it’s the perfect getaway car, and to just get in, he won’t call it in. She gets in and asks him to go with her. It’ll be just them, no secrets or spy stuff. He leans on the open window, telling her that they obviously have the whole opposites attract thing going on here, but he can’t. “It’s just, there’s one small problem.” He reaches in his pocket and pulls out the electronic key, hitting the button and locking Jill in the car.

“What are you doing Chuck?”

The car goes into “detention mode”, handcuffing Jill to the wheel.


Sarah opens the door to overhear Jill tell Chuck not to do this to her.

“You know I wanted to help you!” he says loudly so she can hear through the glass. “I was gonna let you get away.”

“Chuck…”


“But then when you were about to kill Sarah you made the decision for me…You’re under arrest Jill. And I’m breaking up with you.”

He walks away, leaving her in the Nerd Herder.

~*~*~


Walking through the courtyard, Chuck apologizes to Sarah again, and tells her that he’s just not used to this whole spying and lying thing. Guess he’s just not over wanting to believe there’s some good in people. She tells him that he shouldn’t’ get over it, that he’s a good guy and he should leave the deception to her.

“Well I’m glad I have you,” he answers, taking her hand.

“We’re better as a team,” she agrees and Chuck smiles.


Inside, it’s Thanksgiving dinner! Lester and Jeff watch in awe as Ellie puts the Turkey—a REAL turkey!—on the table. They hover nearby as Captain Awesome starts to carve it, and Ellie takes Morgan aside to make sure that he’s absolutely sure there’s no “Chuck and Jill.” He assures her that that’s what Chuck told him, why, does she think Chuck’s gonna break up with Sarah?

“Well I hope not,” she tells him.

“Yeah me too,” Morgan agrees. He takes her arm. “You know what we need here?”

“What?”

“A Thanksgiving miracle.” At her reaction, he assures her that, “Chuck and Sarah are gonna walk through that door, they’re gonna be as happy as could be and everything’s gonna be fine.”

Right on cue, Chuck and Sarah walk through the door. Ellie is impressed. “Good job Morgan.” As she goes over to hug Sarah, Morgan is shocked. “I could have asked for anything!”

“Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Happy Thanksgiving!”

Sarah walks over to the table, but Chuck stops short when he spots Lester and Jeff. “Ellie, do you—do you realize that Lester and Jeff of the Nerd Herd are at our table right now? Is everything okay?”

Captain Awesome takes the wine bottle out of Jeff’s hand as Lester notices Chuck.

“Yes well, the Awesomes couldn’t make it,” Ellie tells him. “So you know me, just expand Thanksgiving.”


Lester grabs Sarah in a really long hug, and Captain Awesome comes to the rescue. “Okay.” He pats Lester on the back, getting ready to pry him off of her.

“Happy Thanksgiving!” Lester says, his voice muffled by Sarah.

She laughs. “You too.”

Ellie asks Chuck if he’s okay, and he tells her he is. “Why do you ask?”


She tells him that Morgan told her about Jill and she was worried about him. Chuck tells his sister that Jill was just wondering if maybe they could work it out and give it a second try.

“And…?”

“And I realized that Jill, Sanford, and Bryce? That’s a story for my past. But my new story is you and Sarah and these freakin’ yahoos.” He puts his arm around her and she laughs as they head for the table. “And sometimes it can be a really fun story!”

Morgan is still wishing on the door. “Swedish bikini team. Uh, DeLorean, flying DeLorean!”

“Hey Morgan!” Chuck calls. “Come on buddy.”

He rushes over to sit down at the table as Lester says, “So you were saying how the turkey is made…”


Chuck holds up his glass. “Toast! To some of the great faces that I know, and some of the new ones to Thanksgiving!”

Lester laughs. “Yeah we don’t know each other!”

Jeff: Here here!

Everyone: Happy Thanksgiving!

They toasts as the camera pulls back out the window. *fade out*

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Awwwww! But where’s Casey? LoL I’m glad Jeff and Lester got to have real Thanksgiving. I loved the whole thing with Big Mike and how he ends up saving the world without even knowing it. Haha Perfect! This show just keeps getting better and better.
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Introducing the TV Chit Chat Forums

December 9th 2008 21:08

I’ve been thinking about this for a really long time, and have finally decided to try it out. That’s right, I’ve created my own forums dedicated to all of my favorite shows. No more running around to half a dozen sites all over the net trying to remember logins and passwords for every different forum. Whoohoo!

The main forum is HERE but for those of you interested in only one show, here's a quick link to each of the seperate message boards with the others collapsed for easier viewing.

Supernatural

Bones

Chuck

Grey's Anatomy

Heroes

House M.D.

Lost

Moonlight

Hope to see you there!

NOTE: For those of you interested in just an X-files forum, see this post HERE to learn about Paula's new site!
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Chuck Versus The Fat Lady Recap

November 23rd 2008 04:26

Dressed all in black, Chuck and someone else run up the stairs. Chuck sprays the sensors and electronically picks the lock. He rushes out onto the Buy More roof with a laugh. Jill follows.

Chuck: Welcome to the world of international espionage. Very handy for picnics!

Jill still can’t wrap her mind around him as a spy. How did it happen again? It’s a way too long story. They sit down on the blanket for their nighttime picnic, which Jill doesn’t really find all that romantic.

“There aren’t very many places I can go that aren’t under constant surveillance,” Chuck tells her, grinning. “The government finds me very, very valuable.”

“I can’t say that I blame them.” Jill kisses him.

Suddenly the surveillance camera turns towards them. “I can’t believe it.” Chuck stands up to talk to the camera.


“You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve got her here, we’re having some food together—”

Down in the secret lab, Casey smirks. “Amateur.”

“Casey, is that really necessary?” Sarah asks, looking up from the pictures she’s studying. “How much trouble could he get into on a date?”

“It’s Bartowski,” Casey answers simply. Chuck continues to yell at the camera, but nobody’s paying attention. Casey tells Sarah, “You’re pretty nonchalant about your super computer boyfriend trying trying to browse your someone else’s network.”

“Well I am just his cover girlfriend.” She looks up the screen. “Chuck’s entitled to a real one.”


Suddenly General Beckman pops up to give them their new assignment. Seems Dr. Guy Lafleur had a list of suspected FULCRUM double-agents that may still be hidden in his hotel room. They need that list. Great! Let’s go get Chuck, see if he can flash on anything.

Sarah: You want us to break into a government controlled crime scene?

Casey: *smirks* It’s the FBI, how hard can it be?

Sarah spots Chuck coming into the Orange Orange. She’ll take care of this. She tells him their next case, and Chuck asks if they can talk about it tomorrow, because he has Jill waiting for him in the car.

“Of course!”

“Thanks.” Chuck starts to leave, and Sarah stops him. “Chuck? Is everything all right?”

“Yeah,” he answers confused. “Yeah, why do you ask? Or is this some spy thing? Some psych evaluation or something like that?”


“It’s a friend thing. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Chuck grins. Yeah he’s great. Being with Jill is like having his old life back. “Not to bash our cover or anything,” he hastily adds, “But I’d forgotten what it was like to be with someone who knows the real me.”

“Well from everything I’ve seen, she seems like a great girl.”

“Well if you could see a little less? I mean, ease up on the whole Chuck Bartowski 24 surveillance…?”

She’ll talk to Casey.

~*~*~

Over at the Buy More, Emmett is going over Chuck’s file, and finds a shocking amount of offsite installations…He writes himself a note: “Where does Chuck go?”


~*~*~

Chuck asks Casey about the easing up on the surveillance, and Casey just tells him that as a government asset, sometimes his personal life has to take a backseat.

“We tried the backseat,” Chuck answers. “You have a camera in the car too! Come on, how many second chances do you get with the one that got away?” he asks. “Plus, she already knows I’m a, you know—”

“I’m not even interested in my own feelings Bartowski,” Casey interrupts. “Keep your mind on the mission. We leave in ten.”

Casey walks off and Morgan rushes up, box in hand. “Canada has just delivered its most delightful gift since Shania Twain,” he tells his best friend excitedly. “Behold.” He hold it up. “The Q36 game copier. Check it out! Now all we have to do is rent a game, rip it, and we never have to pay for our entertainment again.”

“Yeah, Big Mike’s gonna be thrilled,” Chuck says sarcastically. “Seeing as how SELL video game.”


“Come on dude, this thing can ignore all forms of copy protection. It can copy anything! Highly illegal.”

“What’s illegal gentlemen?” Emmett suddenly appears, looking at them suspiciously. “Gonna smoke some weed on your lunch break?”

Chuck and Morgan frown at him.

“I have heard the loading dock is like a Five For Fighting concert.” Emmett laughs. “So fierce.”

Okay…


Emmett asks to see Chuck in his office, but Chuck’s got another offsite install. “It’s probably gonna take awhile.” Emmett stares at him. “See ya!” Chuck rushes off. Morgan waves. Emmett lets out a suspicious, “Hmmmm…”

~*~*~

“You’re going to a hotel tonight with your undercover girlfriend?”

Chuck’s getting reading and Jill is hanging on his side as he adjusts his tie in the mirror. “Well, if it’s any comfort,” he tells her. “Overnight missions normally involve Casey and a whole lot of firearms. So, nothing romantic about it.” Chuck kisses her on the cheek. Jill still isn’t convinced.

“So what’s this Sarah like?” she asks as they head out. “I mean, is she pretty?”


Chuck locks the front door and follows her. “I could understand how a typical heterosexual male might find her aesthetically pleasing, you know, and if someone were to ask me, ‘Chuck, technically, objectively, do you find your CIA handler, Sarah, attractive?’ Then I might say, technically, objectively…’Sure.’.”

“Uh-huh.” Jill sighs, trying to remain upbeat as she asks, “And all those missions you go on, it’s not exciting and romantic?”

“Look,” Chuck pauses outside Casey’s door. “You’ve got it all wrong, babe, there’s nothing about this job that is glamorous or sexy.”

Fine. Jill smiles.

“Alright.” Chuck opens the door, follows Jill inside, then does a double-take.


Sarah, in a tight red dress and black fishnet stalking is tucking her gun into her tall black boots. Jill shoots Chuck a worried luck, and he can only answer, “Hi...”

Sarah winks at him.

~*~*~


Sarah and Chuck enter the hotel, arguing about why she had to dress as an escort. Casey, dressed as a bellhop, walks with them, rolling their fake luggage. Sarah tells Chuck that this is their cover, “so sell it.” They get into the elevator and another bellhop nudges his coworker. “Wonder how much that costs.”

Up in the room, Casey sets up the video feed. “Looks like the FBI has Guy’s room on lockdown. Won’t be asking before we slip in, we’ll just enter through the ventilation system.”

~*~*~

Casey, Sarah, and Chuck army crawl through the ventilation system, in that order.

“Hey,” Chuck calls up. “How long is this gonna take?”

“What’s the matter Bartowski? You got a date?” Casey asks dryly.

“Actually yes—“ Chuck bumps his head. “Ow!”

Sarah looks back. “You okay?”


Casey rolls his eyes. “Why don’t you just call ahead and let them know we’re coming?”

“Sorry.”

“Idiot.”

They all start crawling again. “Just trying to figure out what time I’m gonna be home,” Chuck grunts.

“Well just do the cover math,” Sarah tells him as they crawl by a vent. “I mean how long would it take a businessman to have sex with a prostitute?”

Chuck’s phone starts to fall out, and he wiggles around to shove it back in his pocket. “Stupid phone.”

Said stupid phone calls Jill on its own. She picks it up. “Hello?”

She overhears Chuck and Sarah, taking the conversation and the grunting completely wrong.

“Sarah you think— “ Chuck asks, out of breath. “It shouldn’t take us…more than an hour to have sex from start to finish?” Jill’s eyes widen and in the vent, Chuck sets his watch. “And begin.”
“What—“Chuck grunts. “What am I doin’ wrong here?” Jill does not like what she’s hearing.


In the vent, Chuck is stuck at a corner. He can’t figure out how to turn it, and Sarah offers, “Well, just move your hips a little to the left”

Chuck tries, but just manages to get himself tangled up even more uncomfortably. “What—” He grunts. “Okay, wait—” Jill overhears a lot of banging around as Chuck grunts, “This is way more exhausting than I thought it would be.”


“Well we can’t just race right through it!” Sarah argues.

“Well your knees aren’t—hur—hurting?” Chuck asks, trying to get himself untwisted, still stuck at that same corner. “What did you go to a school to learn how to do this—”


Disgusted, Jill hangs up, glares at the fake pictures of Chuck and Sarah, and grabs her car keys.

~*~*~

At the Buy More, Emmett catches Morgan on his way in for a snack. He asks him to take a seat. “Morgan, I want you to imagine for a second that Buy More is a country.”

“Ahhh, Buymoria,” Morgan says knowingly.

Emmett is shocked. “Yes! How did you know that?”

“I’ve thought about it for years,” Morgan answers simply.

“This is fantastic!” Emmett leans forward . “Now, imagine that all its employees are the states that make up this great nation.”

“Yeah I can dig it.”


Emmett tells him conspiratorially that “one of these states is looking to succeed from the Union…” Morgan stares at him. “Chuck.”

“Whoa, dude, wait a minute. You’re questioning Chuck’s patriotism towards Buymoria? No.” Morgan just shakes his head. Emmett’s crazy.

Emmett tells him he can’t find receipts for all the offsite installations he does, so where does Chuck go? What is he into? Glue? “A baby momma?”

Morgan makes a face. “Dude, you are out of your mind!”

“Maybe I am,” Emmett says with an evil smile. “Maybe I’m so far out of my mind, that I’ve crawled up inside of yours.” He holds up Morgan’s file. “Let’s see…” He shows him a picture of him and Anna in the entertainment viewing room. Morgan’s eyes widen. “This could be grounds for deportation from Buymoria,” Emmett tells him.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Help me Morgan. Help me help Chuck!”

Morgan shakes his head. “Chuck doesn’t need our help.”

~*~*~

Back at the hotel, the FBI Agents are standing guard outside Guy’s room. “It doesn’t matter what you say,” one of them tells the other. “Afternoon guard duty is boring.”

Inside, Casey and Sarah look up at the vent where Chuck is still banging around.

“What are you doing up there?” Sarah hisses.

“Help!” Chuck falls loudly onto the floor.


“Shhh!” Casey hisses. “It’s the FBI. They’re dumb, not deaf!”

“Thanks,” Chuck answers, still trying to catch the breath that’s been knocked out of him.


~*~*~

Outside, a man steps out of a Tuttle Electric truck, goes to the back, and pulls out a gun with a silencer.


He walks into the hotel, posing as an electrician. He pulls out some wire cutters and heads into