Bones: The Gamer in the Grease
March 4th 2010 23:22
A mailman turns up dead—a mailman who recorded an autistic boy playing the perfect game in an arcade video game. His father found out and killed the guy for stealing the one thing his son enjoyed in life. Meanwhile, Fisher has won tickets to Avatar and is inviting Sweets and Hodgins to go with him. They spend the entire day taking turns running in and out of the lab to stand in line. Also, Angela finds out Hodgins has a tattoo of her on his arm, can't believe her father would do that, and orders Hodgins to get rid of it.
BOOTH: Fishing is not a sport.
BONES: What? Monuments to sporting events in Ancient Egypt include fishing, as well as swimming and wrestling.
BOOTH: C’mon. No sweat, no sport.
BONES: Well. Oh, Boris Spassky at chess. He used to perspire profusely.
BOOTH: Why do you gotta make things so complicated? Let me break it down for you, okay? Basketball, football, hockey… that’s a sport. Board games, fishing? Not a sport.
~*~*~
FISHER: Saturated fats. They’re a killer.
~*~*~
BOOTH: Wait ‘til you see what I got here. Okay. Here –
BONES: Oh, marked in red –
BOOTH: Right – Is Steve Rifton’s postal route. (circles the area with his finger) And here –
BONES: Marked in black –
BOOTH: Right – Is the grease truck route. See what I’ve done here?
BONES: Obviously, you’ve created a geographic Venn diagram.
BOOTH: No, no, no, no, incorrect. What I’ve shown here is they’ve overlapped in the same area.
BONES: You need to Google “Venn diagram”.
BOOTH: No, you know what I’m thinking? Lonely housewife, you know, husband away on a business trip. Bow-chicka-wow-wow.
BONES: What’s “bow-chicka-wow-wow”?
~*~*~
JILL RIFTON: Steve was never gonna be Postmaster General, that’s for sure. He had a very high IQ; you know how those people can be – very absentminded.
BONES: I don’t think that’s true. At all.
~*~*~
(While watching the ‘Avatar’ trailer plays on the Angelatron)
SWEETS: Oh, okay, I am no longer able to discern special effects from live action.
HODGINS: This is 2D. 3D is gonna blow your mind. Oh, one of us needs to be in line right now.
FISHER: Okay, we’re up against freaks and fanatics for the best seats. To defeat them, we must become freaks and fanatics.
~*~*~
FISHER: All right, listen, I’ll take the first shift, you guys cover me.
SWEETS: Everyone email me your projected availabilities, I’ll set up a schedule.
HODGINS: Yup.
FISHER: Okay.
~*~*~
HODGINS: (in Avatar line, on phone) Fisher just called from the movie line. He’s gotta get back to the lab so you have to relieve him because I can’t.
SWEETS: (back at the lab, on phone) I understand. That’s a fascinating case, um – (to Booth and Bones) I’m needed for a consult. We’re – we’re through here, right?
BOOTH: Oh no, you’re coming with us to see if this geek is actually psycho or not, pal.
SWEETS: Yeah… okay. (Into phone) So I’m afraid you’re gonna have to, uh, take care of the patient on your own at this juncture. Right now.
HODGINS: Sweets, I’m knee-deep in larvae and dicotyledons here.
SWEETS: I’m sorry doctor. Bye now.
HODGINS: Sweets! Don’t –
(Sweets hangs up)
~*~*~
CAM: So easy to diet around here.
~*~*~
FISHER: Hey.
CAM: Hey. Are you out of breath, Mr. Fisher?
FISHER: No, I’m – I’m just thankful I’m breathing, you know. Never know when that luxury will end.
~*~*~
BOOTH: It’s not as crazy as you’d think. I’m a father so I sort of understand.
BONES: I can’t imagine you killing someone for stealing credit from Parker for anything.
BOOTH: Well, not kill someone but threaten ‘em.
BONES: Even about something as frivolous as bragging rights to a videogame? All right, how do we choose who goes first?
BOOTH: Right, okay, go ahead, you go first.
BONES: Why?
BOOTH: Why? Because once I start, I ain’t gonna stop. (Bones laughs. Booth sits down on a chair) Besides, it’s not how the dad feels, it’s how the son feels.
BONES: We’re discussing the murder again?
BOOTH: Someone breaks your kid’s heart, your own heart rises up, get’s fierce. It’s just a natural response.
BONES: There’s a flaw in your reasoning. I believe that due to my superior learning curve, I can beat you at this game – despite your superlative strength and your remarkable reflexes. (hits the buttons on the machine a few times) How do I start the game?
BOOTH: What’s the flaw in my reasoning?
BONES: Dougie Seeger is autistic. He didn’t care. His heart wasn’t broken.
BOOTH: So, the dad loved him twice as much. All right, you don’t like the reasoning and my math.
BONES: I’ve realized recently that you use a different number system, like the Babylonians which was base 60. I don’t understand your system but I can see that it works. (A silence. And then, she starts hitting the buttons on the machine again) How do I start the game?
BOOTH: Bones.
BONES: Yes? (Booth tosses her a quarter) Oh!
BOOTH: There you go.
BONES: A quarter!
BOOTH: Knock ‘em dead.
BONES: I will. I will knock you dead. I will prove you wrong.
BOOTH: Big words!
BONES: Level one, baby. (The screen goes back to the start) What happened?
BOOTH: My turn.
BONES: No, it’s not your turn. What do you mean? It just stopped, so…
BOOTH: That’s right. No, sit right there.
BONES: No, I didn’t lose.
BOOTH: Well, you put the quarter in, the game’s over
BONES: No, it’s not –
BOOTH: Maybe it’s your energy –
BONES: It’s the machine broke –
BOOTH: Maybe it’s your math –
BONES: It’s not my math –
BOOTH: My turn…
| 58 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
subscribe to this blog
