Bones: The Dwarf in the Dirt
March 4th 2010 21:57
Bryce DeFonte, a little person known as “The Iron Leprechaun” is found dead in a sinkhole. He was a competitor at a popular wrestling league, and died in a jewelry heist gone wrong. Turns out his wife had been having an affair with his normal-sized brother. Meanwhile, Booth has to get recertified for FBI marksmanship, but hasn’t been quite so goof of a shot ever since his brain surgery. Gordon-Gordon, how a chef, convinces Booth that his problem is in his head, but it’s not his recovering brain. He talks Booth into taking Bones with him to the shooting range because he won’t fail in front of her. Booth aces his marksmanship test and gets recertified.
Bones: Why aren’t you cracking wise?
Booth: Why, because it’s not 1945.
Bones: Shall I start making jokes?
Booth: Just let it flow naturally, okay Bones?
Bones: I’ve noticed in the past that when you’re grumpy your mood tends to elevate when you tell me about it.
Booth: I just had a bad day on the range.
Bones: Is that a cowboy metaphor?
~*~*~
Booth: Look at that Bones, you are at the end of a beautiful rainbow!
Bones: Where I am is at the bottom of a muddy pit.
Booth: Okay, think about it—at the end of a rainbow, little green guy, gold coin…what does that tell you?
Bones: That I need an umbrella and that the remains are horribly compromised.
Booth: I tells me Leprechaun.
Bones: Are you praying?
Booth: I’m making a wish.
~*~*~
Booth: (knocking out a wrestler) What'd you expect me to do? He came at me like a rabid ferret.
~*~*~
Booth: I just need you to help me fire my gun.
Gordon-Gordon: That sounds desperately phallic. Is this, maybe a sexual problem?
Booth: Don't say that. Don't even put that out on the air.
~*~*~
Gidget Jones: What can I say? Got a thing for bad boys? (to Bones) Don't you?
Bones: No. I prefer good boys.
Booth: Really?
Bones: Yes.
~*~*~
Sweets: [as he's about to interrogate a suspect] Would you like to accompany me?
Gordon-Gordon:: To what end?
Sweets: Double teamed by a psychologist AND a chef? It'll be epic!
~*~*~
Sweets: Running away from the FBI is always suspect.
Todd Moore: I'm Canadian. My work Visa expired a week ago. I thought you were going to ship me back to Sudberry. Have you ever been to Sudberry? You would've run too!
~*~*~
Gordon-Gordon: You think... Booth fell in love with Dr. Brennan during a dream?
Angela : So do you, right?
Gordon-Gordon: I - I am a psychiatrist. I'm not comfortable with answering.
Angela: You're a chef.
Gordon-Gordon: I am. As unusual you - you see the truth of things.
~*~*~
George Alano: You don't mind me saying, neither one of you looks like a cop. You look like a substitute teacher and fry cook.
Gordon-Gordon: "A fry cook?"
Sweets: We're not cops. We're professional interrogators.
Gordon-Gordon: Nobody's a fry cook!
Sweets: The cops are in there.
Gordon-Gordon: Yes. In case you annoy us, and we want an arrest made! Any more cracks about fry cooks and I'll have them come in here to rough you up!
~*~*~
Gordon-Gordon: Temperance Brennan. You're in love with her. You're building a world around her. A family.
Booth: We're not compatible. She sees the world one way. I see it...
Gordon-Gordon: No. Of course, it's absolutely ludicrous the idea of you two together. But, the heart chooses what it chooses, we don't really have a say in the matter.
~*~*~
Gordon-Gordon: Sometimes you have to help people against their wishes.
Bones: I can't think of anything I wouldn't do to help him.
~*~*~
Booth: So... about my marksmanship certification, any advice?
Gordon-Gordon: Grow a set! Be a man! Step up! She's your partner for Heaven's sakes. The job you do is highly dangerous. She counts on you for protection. So you damn well better protect her.
Booth: That's your big psychiatric advice. Just grow a set?
Gordon-Gordon: Indeed, when it comes to a man and his gun, a woman is the natural cure. Take Dr. Brennan to this, um, this shooting event. You won't fail in front of her. Trust me.
(Bones arrives)
Gordon-Gordon: Dr. Brennan!
Bones: Hello.
Gordon-Gordon: Please, take a seat.
Bones: Well, why can’t we sit out in the restaurant?
Booth: Oh no Bones, this is a great honor to sit at the chef’s table, huge.
Bones: But it’s in the kitchen, it’s hot and noisy.
Booth: It’s a think alright, just go with it. (Gordon-Gordon gestures for him to take a seat, he does, starts pouring the wine) So, Bones, um, would you do me a favor?
Bones: Yes, as long as it does not involve me (pointed) shaving my head.
Booth: Oh, haha, you are making a joke.
Bones: I’m becoming quite amusing.
Booth: Yes you are, pretty funny. (They clink glasses, drink) Honestly, will do you do me a favor?
Bones: Yes, as long as I don’t have to shave my head.
Booth: (laughs) A little advice on the humor? Once the joke happens don’t dog-pile on it, just let it go.
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