Bones: The Bond in the Boot
March 4th 2010 20:25
The team investigates what looks like the death of James Bond. Turns out it’s not James Bond, but a CIA analyst. Meanwhile, Wendell loses his scholarship, and there is suddenly a mysterious contribution to this funders—enough for three scholarships.
BOOTH: A Rolex? They just gave you a Rolex?
BONES: But my book is No.1 on the bestsellers list for 12 weeks and sold 630,000 copies. They’re, you know, showing their appreciation.
BOOTH: Wow. So that means if you made-
BONES: I don’t really know how much actually, but (Booth’s phone starts ringing) I was told I would never have to work again.
BOOTH: Wow. (answers phone) Booth. What?! No! Slow down pal, that is extortion. What? No, no! Forget it. No. No way I’m paying that. Bye. (shuts his phone) Some plumber, he wants to charge me 800 bucks to fix the plumbing in my walls! Forget it I’ll do it myself.
BONES: Well, that should be no problem. You’ve told me numerous times how skillful you are as a repairman.
BOOTH: Well, great. Ever since after the coma, I’ve seen to forgotten a few things. So I’m gonna have to figure out how to do it myself all over again.
BONES: I could lend you some money.
BOOTH: It’s okay, Miss Rolex. I’ll be fine.
~*~*~
BOOTH: Why are the cats starin’ at us?
~*~*~
BONES: Booth!
BOOTH: Yeah?
BONES: He suffered comminuted fractures to the femur.
BOOTH: Right, he broke his leg. I get it.
~*~*~
HODGINS: Everybody poops. They even wrote a book about it.
~*~*~
PRESCOTT: I was told to assess whether you’ll be the best agent, with him to entrust some sensitive information.
BOOTH: This is my case.
PRESCOTT: T-The State is supervising, Agent Booth. We… I, approve the investigator.
BOOTH: Oh, you. I- Okay, ex Army Ranger with multiple commendations and a pristine record at the FBI isn’t good enough for you or them?
PRESCOTT: You shot a clown.
BOOTH: It’s a mechanical clown. Hmm. You tell me you never wanted to do that?
~*~*~
BOOTH: Right. Any reason Antonov, um, wouldn’t want the customs to see the diamonds?
LENA: No. Unless he wasn’t carrying diamonds.
~*~*~
CAM: Hey. Have you two seen Dr. Brennan?
ANGELA: I think she’s with Booth. Why?
CAM: It appears Mr. Bray has lost his scholarship. No scholarship means no internship in the Jeffersonian.
ANGELA: What?! How did that happen?
CAM: Apparently, the trust that fund his scholarship ran out of financing because of the economic mass.
ANGELA: Oh, that stinks. I like Wendell.
HODGINS: Yeah, we got drunk together last week. It carries great meaning for men.
CAM: He’s one of us. Even Booth likes him.
ANGELA: Well, how did he react?
CAM: I haven’t told him yet. I wanna see if there are other funding options.
(Computer beeps showing car model; Wendell walks into the room)
WENDELL: What’s that?
CAM & ANGELA: Hey!
HODGINS: Dude! What’s new?
WENDELL: Um, since you saw me on the forensic platform 5 minutes ago, not much.
CAM: Great.
WENDELL: You?
HODGINS: Nothing.
CAM: Nothing from here.
ANGELA: Zipo. On my end.
~*~*~
HODGINS: (stares at computer screen) Un-believable.
WENDELL: That’s crazy! Casino Royale and that car?!
HODGINS: That’s Bond’s car! James Bond.
WENDELL: Those wheels and the silencer. You haven’t by any chance found any evidence of (in a British accent) a martini? Shaken; not stirred of course.
~*~*~
ANGELA: Boys and their spy fantasies.
~*~*~
BOOTH: So Sweets, you’ve done the profile yet? Is Antonov a spy?
SWEETS: Nope. Still putting the pieces together.
BONES: Well, whatever he says is a guess.
SWEETS: No. It’s a subjective evaluation based on quantifier psychological markers, okay? Do we have to go through this every time?
BONES: He may as well be telling stories around a campfire.
~*~*~
BOOTH: He’s a spy.
SWEETS: Spy-ish.
~*~*~
BONES: Why won’t you let me help you, Booth?
BOOTH: I just want to fix the leak in my wall, that’s all. I’m very capable of doing it myself.
SWEETS: With a dummies book? (Booth lets out a huff) Is that wise?
BONES: Since the coma, Booth can’t remember how to take care of his own plumbing.
BOOTH: That’s great. Now you’re making it sound like I gotta wear diapers.
~*~*~
SWEETS: You want my advice?
BONES: No.
SWEETS: Okay. If you really want to help Booth, you should let him teach you about plumbing.
BONES: I’m a wealthy accomplished woman. Why would I want to learn a menial skill?
SWEETS: For Booth. So he can regain whatever he feels he lost. I think, for once, it’ll be beneficial if you were the student.
~*~*~
BONES: I see superficial lesions on the lateral anterior surface.
BOOTH: No no, Bones. What you see there is scratch marks on the front bumper, okay? People have skeletons. Cars; they have chair seats, gas tank, stomach, and here (points at car window) The shattered window proves that there was gunfire.
~*~*~
BONES: I hate to admit this, but Sweets is right.
~*~*~
BONES: In 500 BC, Sun Tzu devotes attention to intelligence gathering and the art of war. He argues that all wars are based on deception. Logically, that would mean if we don’t deceive each other, then war would be unnecessary.
BOOTH: Yeah. But not everyone is logical now, are they? It’s frustrating, but that’s how the world works.
BONES: Not between us two.
BOOTH: Huh?
BONES: Shouldn’t we be honest with each other?
BOOTH: We’re honest. Aren’t you? I mean, I am.
BONES: So you have no problem with me making so much more money than you?
BOOTH: No. (Bones continues to stare at him) Well yeah, it’s- it’s a little weird. I mean, you’re loaded. I mean, really loaded. And you still don’t even have a flat screen. It’s just kind of weird, to be honest. It’s a little French, if you ask me.
BONES: But don’t you feel that your life would be different if you were wealthy?
BOOTH: Sure. But, better? I mean, yeah. I wouldn’t have to fly coach, but what life throws us, that makes us who we are, right? I mean, fighting through stuffs and the good things; they are not any sweeter if you’re rich. Parker, okay? He gives me a hug because it’s my weekend and me and you; when we solved a case, it’s not about money, right?
BONES: …No. No, it’s not. (Booth smiles at her) But I’ll never have to fly coach.
~*~*~
BOOTH: FYI, you know I have Level 3 clearance and my SSBI is renewed 2 months ago, which allows me to get this warrant.
BONES: Well played, Booth.
BOOTH: Thanks, Bones.
~*~*~
CAM: Wendell. Let me ask you, you mentioned the neighborhood that you grew up (Wendell stops, looks at Cam) and I don’t mean to pry, you said it was kinda poor?
WENDELL: (jokingly) Like a bar band rather than the opera. Trust me, there are more people on my side than that one.
CAM: No! Uh. I- was just asking because of your scholarship.
WENDELL: Oh, you mean the miracle.
CAM: Miracle?
WENDELL: Yeah, that’s what me and my mom call it.
CAM: Really?
WENDELL: Yeah, she’s in church everyday giving thanks. (jokingly) I think she’s there more than the priest. (Cam smiles at him) You know, when I make cash someday, I’m starting one myself. For the other guys like me…Oh um, sorry. You have a question about the scholarship?
CAM: No. That- just answers about everything.
~*~*~
BONES: Excellent work, Mr Bray. I’ll be sorry to see you go.
WENDELL: Oh. Where am I going?
BONES: Cam didn’t tell you?
WENDELL: I guess not.
BONES: She can be occasionally, quite sentimental. Uh, the fundings were cut back and you lost your scholarship, which means your internship is cancelled.
~*~*~
BONES: The book you wanted! To fix your plumbing. I found it at a used bookstore!
BOOTH: Look at that! Thanks, Bones! That, is the sweetest thing! (takes out the book)
BONES: Sure! (grabs the book) Uh, the book was um, $6.42. You can pay me later.
BOOTH: (eating noodles) Mmhm, excuse me? It’s a gift!
BONES: No, wait no! If it’s a gift, you might think of it as an insult to your virility. I can take a check if that’s easier.
BOOTH: How about a credit card?
BONES: No, I don’t take credit card.
BOOTH: Right. I was just joking. Well you know, now, once I flipped through this…Uh y’know, if you wanna learn.
BONES: Sure. I always wanted to learn how to wheel the wrench.
BOOTH: Okay. Just don’t get all defensive if I know something more than you do.
~*~*~
BONES: A USB computer drive. That’s what this was all about?
BOOTH: Information. Today, it can be more dangerous than one bomb.
~*~*~
ANGELA: (hugs Wendell) I’m gonna miss you, Wendell. Stay safe, okay?
WENDELL: Yeah. You too.
HODGINS: (shakes Wendell’s hand, pulls him into a guy hug) Won’t be the same without you, man.
BONES: We are all, grateful for your exceptional work, Mr. Bray. (offers a handshake)
WENDELL: Thank you.
CAM: (walks in) Hold on a second.
WENDELL: Oh, don’t worry. I wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye.
CAM: That’s nice, but you don’t have to leave.
WENDELL: Excuse me?
CAM: I was just notified that they found new funding for your scholarship. You are covered in full for the next 2 years. Apparently, a donation was made anonymously.
WENDELL: Anonymously. (looks at Brennan, then at Hodgins but none of them said anything) Please allow me to say thank you to anonymous. (smiles)
BONES: We still need all the evidence photographed and catalogued before we send it to the federal prosecutor’s office, Mr Bray.
WENDELL: Yes, Dr. Brennan. Right away. (looks at everyone) Thank you. (walks off)
CAM: (to the rest of them) Actually, they received enough anonymous donations for 3 scholarships.
BONES: Hmm.
HODGINS: That is, quite a coincidence.
CAM: Mmhmm, it really is.
~*~*~
BOOTH: For the next step, you need to attach the elbow using a PVC cement there. (BONES tries to fix the pipes) Stick that little fuzzy ball in there and swish it around. Got it?
BONES: (applying PVC on pipe) It stinks.
BOOTH: Yeah. Well you smell dead bodies and this stinks? Okay.
BONES: There’s a beautiful logic to this. It’s like reconstructing the circulatory system. The water is the blood. The pipes are the veins.
BOOTH: Right, right. So what you need to do is apply some pressure and hold it there for a minute (places his hand over hers to hold the pipe in place; both of them looked at each other) Right. You know, just making sure that it’s in place. Student-teacher, student-teacher.
(Bones laughs; Booth joins her)
BOOTH: You know, Bones, I'm.. I'm glad that, uh, we don't have any secrets between each other.
BONES: Yeah, I like that.
BOOTH: I mean if we have something on our mind we just, we just share it.
BONES: Sure. (pauses) Even with all of the financial and intellectual contradictions I, still feel close to you
BOOTH: Right, because you know, none of that really matters anyway.
BONES: Sometimes looking at it through your eyes, I believe that.
(They both look into each other eyes for a while before Booth speaks again)
BOOTH: Alright, pipe seems tight and secure. (removes his hand from the pipe) Hold on there, let me just open up the water (reaches for the taphead and turns it on) There. You can take your hands off now, Bones.
BONES: You sure?
BOOTH: Bones-
(Bones lets go)
BOOTH: Look at that, huh. Nice and secure.
BONES: No drip.
BOOTH: No drip. (Bones chuckles) You’re a …you’re a good student.
BONES: Oh. Only as good as my teacher (smiles)
(Pipe suddenly burst out with water)
BONES: Ahhh! Turn it off!
BOOTH: Huh? Ahhhh--Ahahahah!
BONES: (already out from under the sink) My watch is ruined!
BOOTH: What do you mean your watch is ruined? It’s a Rolex!
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