Bones: Beaver in the Otter
September 24th 2009 19:31
This week’s recap comes from Sweets and Angela.
Meanwhile, Booth gets frustrated when he tries to help Jared get a job and his brother just wants to bike through India.
BONES: A prank?
BOOTH: It’s college, Bones.
~*~*~
BOOTH: *proudly* You know, Bones, when I was in College, my fraternity, we stole a cadaver, dressed it up like Caesar and put it on a statue of a horse.
BONES: Would this, by any chance, be a fraternity of sociopaths?
~*~*~
CAM: I’m a wisecracking pathologist with a dark sense of humor.
~*~*~
BOOTH: Ahh. No Booth has ever gotten a dishonorable discharge.
JARED: Uh yea. No Booth has ever had to save his brother from an insane kidnapper.
~*~*~
BONES: They keep track of sexual conquest with stars on the wall?
SWEETS: It’s emotionally stunted
BOOTH: Guys, it’s a college fraternity.
BONES: They seem like really terrible people.
BOOTH: They’re college kids, ok, it’s their job description to be bad, it’s what they do.
SWEETS: Yeah, but still, a community of young man mutually supporting bad decisions.
BOOTH: Look, these kids, they go out into the world, they’re alone, they have no supervision, they have to be bad just in order to figure out what it is, you know. Scientific fact, their frontal lobes are the size of raisins.
BONES: No, that is not a scientific fact.
BOOTH: What they gotta do is build their frontal lobes, with exercise, ok and that comes from doing the wrong thing.
SWEETS: Ok, so your theory is, you gotta be bad to be good?
BOOTH: Exactly, facts of life, my friend, ok so what transmissions did you get from the brothers?
BONES: Booth! He is not a radio!
BOOTH: He kinda is, that’s why I brought him along.
SWEETS: What I did observe, using my eyes and my training, is that these three frat brothers weren’t actually upset about Beaver’s death
~*~*~
BONES: I believe you’re just guessing!
SWEETS: Ok, fine, I’m a magic 8 ball.
BOOTH: I think you hurt his feelings.
BONES: Did you believe him?
~*~*~
JARED: *arrives on bike* Hey, what do you think?
BONES: Yeah, it’s nice, not really gonna be much good around here in the wintertime, that’s for sure
JARED: You’re always practical, huh, Seeley?
~*~*~
BONES: Beaver, otter, cougar, this case is like a day at the zoo!
BOOTH: A cougar is an older woman who prefers younger man.
BONES: Wouldn’t that indicate that every woman is a cougar?
BOOTH: Thanks for the insight there, Bones.
~*~*~
BOOTH: I’m Jared’s older brother, you know, he should listen to me.
BONES: I can provide you with several societies where younger brothers are required under pry of death to do what their older brothers tell them.
BOOTH: I like those societies.
BONES: Well, they’re mostly extinct now.
~*~*~
BONES: Was our victim some kind of spy?
BOOTH: Worse! Some kind of bookie.
~*~*~
BONES: I believe Professor Twardosh took revenge against unethical students who had no respects for knowledge.
BOOTH: And you approve?
BONES: Yes, I do! Beaver was obviously an emerging criminal.
~*~*~
BOOTH: You know what? My brother Jared is ruining his life
SWEETS: Oh! He’s drinking again?
BOOTH: No, I’m pretty sure he was dried out before his Court Martial.
SWEETS: Then why the recent urge to self-destruct?
BOOTH: I set up a perfectly great job interview for him, but instead he decides he just wants to travel across India on his motorcycle. Yeah, that’s right, talk about a narcissistic dependence on stupidity!
SWEETS: Uh huh, you or him?
BOOTH: This is exactly why I don’t talk to you about this kind of things.
SWEETS: ‘K, I’m gonna suggest that you’re jealous of your brother’s decision
BOOTH: I don’t want to go to India.
SWEETS: You feel trapped here by the responsible nature of your job, your interpersonal relations.
BOOTH: What?
SWEETS: Whereas Jared is completely free.
BOOTH: I am free! Free as a bird, free to do whatever I want!
SWEETS: Yeah, what you’re not free to do is control your brother’s life.
BOOTH: Control Jared? Good luck with that one!
SWEETS: It’s not for a lack of trying. Of course, you could always get a motorbike and go with him.
BOOTH: A motorbike? A motorbike is used for people who deliver pizzas in Amsterdam. Yup. India is large and vast. Right! I’m getting an American motorcycle!
~*~*~
HODGINS: I, uh, asked everyone to leave. Ok, now, I have installed four sensors in the wrists and in the back of the spine so we should be able to gage the height from which the victim fell, within a few centimeters, after only a few trials.
ARASTOO: Why did you ask everyone to leave? Are we doing something shameful?
HODGINS: Nah, it’s just…last time I dropped something from up there, it bounced and injured An *stops from saying “Angela*, corrects*--an innocent bystander, but nobody’s here this time, so--*into computer* “Coccyx text number one, Dr. Jack Hodgins supervising.”
CAM: No, no, no, no
HODGINS: I…
CAM: no, no--
HODGINS: But…
CAM: No. Stop! This is an unnecessary experiment. The height of the fall can be calculated mathematically.
ARASTOO: That is true, but I decided to humor Dr Hodgins so we could bond over a project.
~*~*~
ANGELA: You know what this means, don’t you?
CAM: Yup! Dr. Brennan is gonna stare at the bones until they speak to her.
ANGELA: So, rock, paper, scissors to see who stays to babysits her?
CAM: Ok.
~*~*~
BONES: Booth believes that the cringe facto was too high, even though cringe factor is not a valid mathematical construct.
BOOTH: Believe me, it is.
~*~*~
BONES: What are you going to do?
BOOTH: Uh, something personal.
BONES: What?
BOOTH: Personal! Personal means personal, you know, not for the public.
BONES: Uh…I’m not the public!
~*~*~
BOOTH: You know, the roads suck in India, when they’re dry and…and they turn into rivers when the monsoons come. I tell you what, trucks don’t even give way to anyone.
JARED: Will you give the lifeguard thing a rest, Seeley, alright?
BOOTH: State department had advised that there’s a heighten security concern for anyone travelling alone in India.
JARED: Then come with me. I mean that way, now you can watch over me every minute.
BOOTH: You know what? Everywhere you’ve gone, you’ve always had the full might of the United States government behind you
JARED: Yeah, I know. You were a frontline guy, a fire eater and I was just a rear echelon wimp.
BOOTH: I never said that
JARED: If you’re so worried, come along and I’ll have the full might of Seeley Booth behind me.
BOOTH: Seriously? I didn’t think you were serious.
JARED: I wasn’t when I said it…but now I am. Yeah, I’m serious.
BOOTH: You want me to come to India with you.
JARED: Ball’s in your court, brother.
~*~*~
BOOTH: Concentrate there. That looks like a face
ANGELA: Yeah, that’s Beaver
BONES: Is he being tortured?
CAM: Not exactly…
BOOTH: It’s, uh, it’s a sex face, Bones.
~*~*~
BOOTH: Whoa
BONES: Is that a cougar?
~*~*~
BOOTH: Jared wants me to go to India with him.
BONES: Indiana?
BOOTH: India! OK, Taj Mahal, cows, tigers, cobras, Slumdog Millionaire.
BONES: yes…I know. Are you going?
BOOTH: We don’t like each other.
BONES: So…not going?
BOOTH: I mean, he’s my brother, so I love him.
BONES: I’m confused, you are going?
BOOTH: I mean, Jared should not go to India alone, he’ll get in all kinds of trouble.
BONES: You said he’s never been alone.
BOOTH: Exactly, you know what? He’ll get eaten alive
BONES: If you go with him, then he won’t be alone, you won’t let him be bad and his frontal lobe will always be the size of a raison, that’s what you said. Makes no scientific sense.
BOOTH: Yea, I said that…got it.
~*~*~
BOOTH: Why are you telling me this?
ARASTOO: Dr. Brennan said to be especially polite with out when the science is difficult.
BOOTH: How stupid do you people think I am?
~*~*~
BOOTH: Ok
JARED: You’re not coming, are you?
BOOTH: You really wanted me to?
JARED: Does it matter?
BOOTH: You know, I was going to. I really was, but uh, I think you should go alone.
JARED: You think it’s a good idea for me to go to India.
BOOTH: Yeah, I do, alone. Our whole lives, as kids, I was always standing behind you. Or you had the Navy stand behind you, but this time, y’know, I think you should stand alone. You don’t need your big brother.
JARED: So, come as a friend.
BOOTH: We both know, I’m not your friend. I’m your big brother.
JARED: Yup.
*they cling bottles*
BOOTH: Alright, right, so, got you something. *puts a medallion on the counter*
JARED: It’s Grandpa’s St-Christopher’s medallion.
BOOTH: Noooo, no. It’s a new one. I got you that.
JARED: Seeley, it looks like the one Grandpa gave you.
BOOTH: Nooo, Grandpa gave me mine when I was shipped out to the rangers. This one, I’m giving to you. Patron Saint of Travelers. It kept me safe in Somalia; let’s hope it does the same for you in India. Wear it around your neck.
JARED: I don’t know man, am I alone if I take a Saint with me?
BOOTH: You’re not alone…*smiles*
JARED: Thanks. *gets up*
BOOTH: Hey! Don’t forget your jacket!
~*~*~
BONES: How’d he take it?
BOOTH: Ahh, it’s Jared, meaning I have no idea.
BONES: So, uh, do you…do you really think you have to be bad to be good?
BOOTH: Yeah, I do.
BONES: Well, I’ve never done anything bad.
BOOTH: I believe you.
BONES: I mean, I’ve made mistakes, of course, but I’ve never purposely done anything bad.
BOOTH: And I believe you.
BONES: I don’t want my frontal lobe to be a dried up raisin.
BOOTH: You know what? We’re going to do something bad now!
BONES: What?
BOOTH: Have you ever dined and dashed? You know the concept, right? We’re gonna run outta here without paying the bill.
BONES: No…That’s stealing
BOOTH: That’s why they call it bad. We’re doing something bad.
BONES: No! No! I can’t…really? NO
BOOTH: Come on. *gets up*
BONES: No!
BOOTH: One--
BONES: Are you serious?
BOOTH: Two--
BONES: Oh my--
BOOTH: Three! Go, go go!
*Bones runs out. Booth slides the money onto the counter then runs out after her*
BONES: No, No, OH! We’re bad. We’re bad
BOOTH: Get in the car.
BONES: Woohoo! We’re baaaaad!
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