1/5 Mad Lib Results: A Scene From The X-files
January 12th 2009 00:06
ACTUAL SCENE
(One minute before 6:00, the moving truck pulls away. Mulder stands
in the doorway, arm around Scully and they wave at the smiling
departing neighbors. As soon as the door is closed, Scully walks
MULDER: Oh, yeah. Nothing weird going on around here.
(following Scully) Hey... ooh, wait a minute. You didn't let me carry you over the threshold.
(Scully takes off her coat and faces Mulder.)
SCULLY: You ready?
MULDER: Let's get it on, honey.
SCULLY: (smiles) All right, then.
(She hands him a pair of latex gloves and goes to the box that Big Mike dropped and opens it. Sound of glass rattling. She pulls out
a piece of broken lab equipment and sighs.)
SCULLY: Thanks to our friendly neighbors there will be no fluorescein
bloodstain enhancement.
(Mulder is down on the floor pulling up a corner of the carpeting.)
MULDER: Not that it makes much difference. This place is so clean you could build computer chips.
(Scully takes out a small video camera and turns it on. She begins
walking through the first floor of the house, taping and narrating as she
goes.)
SCULLY: Okay. 6:01 p.m., February 24. Agents Scully and Mulder
a trace last July. The Klines were the third such couple to disappear
since this neighborhood was built in 1991. All were apparently stable
professional people with no history of violence, domestic discord or
mental illness and it took a family member or employee to realize that
they were gone including their cars and a few personal items. What
local police found in each case was nothing-- just impeccably-manicured
homes and a community of neighbors who professed total ignorance
that anyone had disappeared.
MULDER: (walking by) That's pretty surprising considering how nutty this bunch is about being neighborly.
SCULLY: The local police department were at a dead end so they
turned to the FBI. AD Skinner, in assigning us this case, thought a
fruitful approach to the investigation would be if we went undercover
posing as prospective home buyers as this planned community would
seem to hide a dark, possibly murderous conspiracy of silence.
(Mulder comes very close into the video frame.)
MULDER: (seductively) You want to make that honeymoon video now?
(Scully turns the camera off. Mulder sits on the kitchen counter and pulls his gloves off.)
SCULLY: Rob and Laura Petrie?
MULDER: "Pee-trie."
SCULLY: Mulder, if we ever go undercover again I get to choose the
names, okay?
MULDER: Fine.
SCULLY: This tells me that you're not taking this seriously.
MULDER: I'm taking it seriously. I just don't understand why we're on it.
It's our first catch back on the X-Files. This isn't an X-File.
SCULLY: Sure it is. It's unexplained. What do you want, aliens?
Tractor beams?
MULDER: Wow. Admit it, you just want to play house.
(Doorbell rings. Scully gives him a look and starts for the door.)
MULDER: (demanding) Woman, get back in here and make me a sandwich!
(Scully stops, smiles slightly and snaps off her gloves, throws
them at his head and continues on to the door.)
MULDER: Did I not make myself clear?
PAULA’S SCENE
(One minute before 6:00, the moving GORILLA GIGGLES away. Mulder BENDS in the doorway, EYEBROW around Scully and they wave at the SCARY VOMITTING TAMPONS. As soon as the door is closed, Scully DANCES into the living room.)
MULDER: Oh, yeah. Nothing GROSS going on around here. (following Scully) Hey...ooh, wait a minute. You didn't let me SUCK you over the FLUTE.
(Scully BOWS off her CHICKEN and faces Mulder.)
SCULLY: You SEXY?
MULDER: Let's get it on, INSANE.
SCULLY: (LICKS) All right, then.
(She hands him a pair of OLD CINNAMON STICKS and goes to the box that Big Mike dropped and BREATHES it. *Sound of LAUNDRY HUGGING.* She pulls out a piece of WET DIAPER and sighs.)
SCULLY: Thanks to our friendly SOCKS there will be no DIRTY
REFRIGERATOR enhancement.
(Mulder is down on the floor PUSHING up a corner of the WHEELCHAIR.)
MULDER: Not that it makes much difference. This ICE CREAM is so STINKY you could build WIZARD ROBES.
(Scully takes out a small JELLYFISH and turns it on. She begins JUMPING through the first floor of the house, FLASHING and narrating as she goes.)
SCULLY: Okay. 6:01 p.m., February 24. Agents Scully and Mulder in the former home of SPIDERMAN and PRIEST who disappeared without a trace last July. The SPIDERMAN AND PRIEST were the third such couple to PEEK since this SKATEBOARD was built in 1435. All were apparently FAT SAD people with no history of BITING, domestic STICKINESS or
SUNGLASSES illness and it took a family PHONE BOOK or FOREST to realize that they were gone, including their POTATOES and a few personal NEEDLES. What local MONKEYS found in each case was MUSHY-- just LOUDLY manicured BANANAS and a community of PLANETS who professed total HUNGRINESS that anyone had SMACKED.
MULDER: (SNIFFING by) That's pretty BEAUTIFUL considering how nutty this bunch is about being WEIRD.
SCULLY: The local MONKEYS department were at a SMART end so they turned to the FBI. AD Skinner, in SWIMMING us this CORNFIELD, thought a STRONG approach to the investigation would be if we went undercover posing as prospective TATTOO MOANERS as this KINKY community would seem to hide a DARK, possibly UGLY conspiracy of DRIVING.
(Mulder TALKS very close into the WINDY BEER.)
MULDER: (seductively) You want to make that BURRITO video now?
(Scully turns the TOOTHPASTE off. Mulder SHOWS on the kitchen counter and SNAPS his BOTTLES off.)
SCULLY: Rob and Laura Petrie?
MULDER: "Pee-trie."
SCULLY: Mulder, if we ever go THROWING again I get to choose the ELEPHANTS, okay?
MULDER: Fine.
SCULLY: This tells me that you're not taking this ANGRILY.
MULDER: I'm taking it ANGRILY. I just don't understand why we're on it. It's our first HAIR NET back on the KEY. This isn't a HAIR NET.
SCULLY: Sure it is. It's SOFT. What do you want, SHOES? SCISSORS?
MULDER: Wow. Admit it, you just want to EXAMINE TOILET PAPER.
(*The HAMMER HANGS.* Scully gives him a look and COOKS for the HAMMER.)
MULDER: (INTERESTINGLY) Woman! SCRATCH back in here and SWOON me a PEANUT BUTTER!
(Scully stops, DROOLS SOFTLY and KILLS off her CIGARETTES, SOBS them at his head and LEAKS on to the HAMMER.)
MULDER: Did I not FLY myself BIG?
AMY'S SCENE
(One minute before 6:00, the moving SQUEEGEE THROWS away. Mulder KISSES in the doorway, CHEEK around Scully and they wave at the SOFT RUNNING SHOES. As soon as the door is closed, Scully YELLS into the living room.)
MULDER: Oh, yeah. Nothing AMUSING going on around here. (following Scully) Hey... ooh, wait a minute. You didn't let me SHAKE you over the ALIEN.
(Scullly PONDERS off her LIFE and faces Mulder.)
SCULLY: You SWEET?
MULDER: Let's get it on, SILLY.
SCULLY: (DRIVES) All right, then.
(She hands him a pair of ENIGMATIC SUNFLOWER SEEDS and goes to the box that Big Mike dropped and DISSECTS it. *Sound of CADAVER BELIEVING.* She pulls out a piece of SPOOKY BADGE and sighs.)
SCULLY: Thanks to our friendly GUNS there will be no STRONG FILE enhancement.
(Mulder is down on the floor TRUSTING up a corner of the NO ONE.)
MULDER: Not that it makes much difference. This PENCIL is so HAPPY you could build BOOTS.
(Scully takes out a small CAMERA and turns it on. She begins SHOOTING through the first floor of the house, SEARCHING and narrating as she goes.)
SCULLY: Okay. 6:01 p.m., February 24. Agents Scully and Mulder in the former home of J. EDGAR HOOVER and DOLLY PARTON who disappeared without a trace last July. The same J. EDGAR HOOVER and DOLLY PARTON were the third such couple to DANCE since this QUEQUEG was built in 1999. All were apparently SEDUCTIVE RIDICULOUS people with no history of SOLVING, domestic PERPLEXING or CAR illness and it took a family BLOUSE or UFO to realize that they were gone, including their SALAMANDERS and a few personal TWINS. What local FLUKEMEN found in each case was SLIMY-- just JOYFULLY manicured BOOKS and a community of CHOPSTICKS who professed total UGLINESS that anyone had EATEN.
MULDER: (FIGHTING by) That's pretty TASTY considering how nutty this bunch is about being APPALLING.
SCULLY: The local FLUKEMEN department were at a MYSTERIOUS end so they
turned to the FBI. AD Skinner, in WRITING us this BBQ RIBS, thought a GLUTTONOUS approach to the investigation would be if we went undercover posing as prospective DOG SPRINTERS as this BRIGHT community would seem to hide a DARK, possibly FOGGY conspiracy of SLAPPING.
(Mulder NUDGES very close into the INTERESTING BUTTERFLY.)
MULDER: (seductively) You want to make that MICROSCOPE video now?
(Scully turns the CSM off. Mulder SHOUTS on the kitchen counter and WHISPERS his BABIES off.)
SCULLY: Rob and Laura Petrie?
MULDER: "Pee-trie."
SCULLY: Mulder, if we ever go LOVING again I get to choose the MARTINIS, okay?
MULDER: Fine.
SCULLY: This tells me that you're not taking this IMPATIENTLY.
MULDER: I'm taking it IMPATIENTLY. I just don't understand why we're on it. It's our first SANTA HAT back on the CHAIR. This isn't a SANTA HAT.
SCULLY: Sure it is. It's SMUG. What do you want, SUPER SOLDIERS? CASES?
MULDER: Wow. Admit it, you just want to CARESS ICED TEA.
(*The FLOWER SHARPENS.* Scully gives him a look and LISTENS for the FLOWER.)
MULDER: (WHITE) Woman! SCOLD back in here and CONGRATULATE me a PAINTING!
(Scully stops, PULLS HEROICALLY and TYPES off her KEYS, GROWS them at his head and PUSHES on to the FLOWER.)
MULDER: Did I not DRINK myself SPARKLING?
SCULLYANGEL317'S SCENE
(One minute before 6:00, the moving FACE CRAWKS away. Mulder LICKS in the doorway, ELBOW around Scully and they wave at the SWEET ANNOUNCING LIGHTS. As soon as the door is closed, Scully RUNS into the living room.)
MULDER: Oh, yeah. Nothing PRETTY going on around here. (following Scully) Hey... ooh, wait a minute. You didn't let me SQUEEZE you over the SHOE.
(Scully PATS off her DOG and faces Mulder.)
SCULLY: You SLINKY?
MULDER: Let's get it on, COLD.
SCULLY: (KISSES) All right, then.
(She hands him a pair of WET TOES and goes to the box that Big Mike dropped and CUDDLES it. *Sound of SHIRT BRUSHING.* She pulls out a piece of COLD PIE and sighs.)
SCULLY: Thanks to our friendly MEALS there will be no SHINY DEER enhancement.
(Mulder is down on the floor APPLAUDING up a corner of the CRUBMLE.)
MULDER: Not that it makes much difference. This DIRECT is so HOT you could build CAVES.
(Scully takes out a small BOOT and turns it on. She begins FLEXING through the first floor of the house, EMBRACING and narrating as she goes.)
SCULLY: Okay. 6:01 p.m., February 24. Agents Scully and Mulder in the former home of SCULLY and MULDER who disappeared without a trace last July. The same SCULLY and MULDER were the third such couple to FLATTER since this BIRD was built in 1980. All were apparently SLICK STROKED people with no history of BREATHING, domestic BLUSHING or
APPLE illness and it took a family CABLE or BASEBALL to realize that they were gone, including their CHILDREN and a few personal STRAWS. What local TENTS found in each case was PRICKLY-- just SLOWLY manicured TRIPS and a community of SPOONS who professed total SLOWNESS that anyone had WALTZED.
MULDER: (TWISTING by) That's pretty BATTY considering how nutty this bunch is about being SEXY.
SCULLY: The local TENTS department were at a RIDICULOUS end so they turned to the FBI. AD Skinner, in BLOWING us this BAT, thought a QUICK approach to the investigation would be if we went undercover posing as prospective HOUSE WINKERS as this WET community would seem to hide a BRIGHT, possibly STUPENDOUS conspiracy of FLUSHING.
(Mulder GRAZES very close into the FLUFFY CARD.)
MULDER: (seductively) You want to make that COAT video now?
(Scully turns the SOCK off. Mulder JOKES on the kitchen counter and LISTENS his CHIMES off.)
SCULLY: Rob and Laura Petrie?
MULDER: "Pee-trie."
SCULLY: Mulder, if we ever go HINTING again I get to choose the PAPERS, okay?
MULDER: Fine.
SCULLY: This tells me that you're not taking this SOFTLY.
MULDER: I'm taking it SOFTLY. I just don't understand why we're on it. It's our first BOSS back on the CLEAVAGE. This isn't a BOSS.
SCULLY: Sure it is. It's SHATTERED. What do you want, STAIRS? HANGERS?
MULDER: Wow. Admit it, you just want to KNEEL UNDERWEAR.
(*The SCALPEL LAUGHS.* Scully gives him a look and KISSES for the SCALPEL.)
MULDER: (TATTERED) Woman! STEP back in here and LIMP me a HAT!
(Scully stops, INSULTS SCRATCHILY and POKES off her MONKEYS, NUDGES them at his head and MOANS on to the SCALPEL.)
MULDER: Did I not SHUDDER myself TASTY?
MEGGIE'S SCENE
(One minute before 6:00, the moving PEACH BEATS away. Mulder CLIMBS in the doorway, LITTLE TOE around Scully and they wave at the EMBARRASSED JUMPING CATERPILLARS. As soon as the door is closed, Scully SINGS into the living room.)
MULDER: Oh, yeah. Nothing ADORABLE going on around here. (following Scully) Hey... ooh, wait a minute. You didn't let me SLINK you over the POPSICLE.
(Scully KISSES off her UFO and faces Mulder.)
SCULLY: You CREEPY?
MULDER: Let's get it on, MASSIVE.
SCULLY: (DROPKICKS) All right, then.
(She hands him a pair of COURAGEOUS BANANAS and goes to the box that Big Mike dropped and FIGHTS it. *Sound of GARGOYLES SKIPPING.* She pulls out a piece of TENDER DUST BUSTER and sighs.)
SCULLY: Thanks to our friendly JELLY BEANS there will be no ANCIENT LUNCH BOX enhancement.
(Mulder is down on the floor ZIG ZAGGING up a corner of the HELICOPTER.)
MULDER: Not that it makes much difference. This PLUM is so DEFIANT you could build SLUGS.
(Scully takes out a small PIMPED OUT RIDE and turns it on. She begins BODY SLAMMING through the first floor of the house, DANCING and narrating as she goes.)
SCULLY: Okay. 6:01 p.m., February 24. Agents Scully and Mulder in the former home of BELLHOP and GRAMMY WINNING ARTIST who disappeared without a trace last July. The same BELLHOP AND GRAMMY WINNING ARTIST were the third such couple to SUMMERSAULT since this CLIFF was built in 42 BC. All were apparently ROTTEN CUDDLY people with no history of GAZING, domestic PERFECTNESS or BATHTUB illness and it took a family GOLF CART or BACON to realize that they were gone, including their JUMBO SHRIMP and a few personal SMURFS. What local MUFFINS found in each case was BLOODY-- just ADVENTUROUSLY manicured DIRTY SOCKS and a community of CLOWNS who professed total TASTINESS that anyone had CRIED.
MULDER: (SWOONING by) That's pretty SLIPPERY considering how nutty this bunch is about being SQUEALING.
SCULLY: The local MUFFINS department were at an ATTRACTIVE end so they turned to the FBI. AD Skinner, in SPEED SKATING us this GOLD MEDAL, thought a CHARISMATIC approach to the investigation would be if we went undercover posing as prospective SKY SCRAPER SMOOCHERS as this ITCHY community would seem to hide a DRAB, possibly WITTY conspiracy of STOP, DROP, AND ROLL.
(Mulder FROG LEAPS very close into the DEAFENING POWDER PUFF.)
MULDER: (seductively) You want to make that LEAD PIPE video now?
(Scully turns the ROCKING HORSE off. Mulder ARMY CRAWLS on the kitchen counter and SKIPS his BOYSENBERRIES off.)
SCULLY: Rob and Laura Petrie?
MULDER: "Pee-trie."
SCULLY: Mulder, if we ever go BLEEDING again I get to choose the COWS, okay?
MULDER: Fine.
SCULLY: This tells me that you're not taking this DASHINGLY.
MULDER: I'm taking it DASHINGLY. I just don't understand why we're on it. It's our first DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE back on the UNDERGROUND HIDEHOUT. This isn't a DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
SCULLY: Sure it is. It's EXUBERANT. What do you want, RATS? PILLOWS?
MULDER: Wow. Admit it, you just want to DODGE TONGUES.
(*The BUTLER SWORD FIGHTS.* Scully gives him a look and BITES for the BUTLER.)
MULDER: (HUSKY) Woman! BURN back in here and SMITE me a GARAGE DOOR OPENER!
(Scully stops, THRIVES FOREBODINGLY and WEAVES off her BASEBALL BATS, SWEARS them at his head and RETHINKS on to the BUTLER.)
MULDER: Did I not SPIT myself GORGEOUS?
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